Alex Law quotes from Shallow Grave (1994)

Alex Law

So tell me, Cameron, what on earth—just tell me, because I want to know—what on earth could make you think that we would want to share a flat like this with someone like you? I mean, my first impression, and they're rarely wrong, is that you have none of the qualities that we would normally seek in a prospective flatmate. I'm talking here about things like presence, charisma, style and charm, and I don't think we're being unreasonable. Take David here, for instance: a chartered accountant he may be, but at least he tries hard. The point is, I don't think you're even trying.

Alex Law

I mean this: good luck!

Alex Law

I'd like to ask you about your hobbies... Now when you sacrifice a goat and you rip its heart out with your bare hands, do you then summon hellfire? Or do you just send out for a pizza?

Alex Law

God, you two are sensitive! All I'm doing is implying some kind of ugly sordid sexual liaison. I'd be proud of that sort of thing.

Alex Law

But you're a doctor! You kill people every day.

Alex Law

I don't know why we couldn't stuff it in a mattress or put it under the floor like any normal human being. We could have hid it in the fridge.

Alex Law

Hello. It's been a struggle, but now the days of worry are over, the light at the end of the tunnel has expanded into a golden sunrise and at last, at long last, nothing will ever be the same again.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. First of all may I thank you all for coming along tonight and supporting our appeal to raise funds for the sick children's unit.

Alex Law

You didn't tell me that this was for children. I hate children. I'd raise money to have the little ****ers put down. I want me money back!

David Stephens

Well, Brian McKinley, if you want to talk to my girlfriend, you talk to me first. If you want to dance with her, then you apply in writing three weeks in advance or you're gonna end up inside a **** bin-bag. You didn't apply, so you don't dance.

Juliet Miller

Do you think you could be a little more forceful next time?

David Stephens

I'm sorry.

Juliet Miller

It's alright. I think he got the message anyway.

David Stephens

That was stressful. I found that quite stressful.

Alex Law

Yeah, but you were good, you were really good. **** bin-bag', I liked that. You were good. You explored your maleness to the full there.

Alex Law

And if you see I'm dying up there you'll call the police and tell them everything, right?

Juliet Miller

Everything.

Alex Law

Except that maybe it was his idea in the first place. Now that's important to me. I need to die misunderstood.