[Dewey starts lying to the parents about what he's been teaching their kids]
Yeah, you know, uh, math, English... Uh... What else? Science... What else? Geography, history, Latin, Spanish, French, Latin, uh, math... Did I say that already? Anyway, you know, just all the stuff you want your kids to know, it's been covered, okay? So... it was great to meet you all, and, uh, [clicks tounge] drive safe.
Excuse me. Ever since you started teaching here, all my son can talk about is music. He says when he grows up, he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence?
Yeah, what...? Mr. Schneebly, why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen?
[holds up a copy of Yes's "Fragile"]
And how is this homework?
Okay, see, I would like to tell you about what we've been doing in here, but there's such a thing as teacher-student confidentiality, and I don't want to be in breach of educational law 'cause I could be dismembered by the teacher's union. So...
You expect us to believe this garbage?
[Dewey looks out in the hallway and sees a cop]
Mr. S, don't you think you should just tell them about the project?
Our class project. Every school in the state is competing.
It's not till next quarter, but Mr. S wanted us to get a head start.
Well, what's the project, Summer?
[Dewey sees the cop talking with Patty]
It's prestigious. A win will go on our permanent record, Mom.
You might as well tell 'em, Mr. Schneebly.
Okay, look, I've gotten to know your kids over the past few weeks, and they are awesome. Zack is an insane guitarist. He's the next Hendrix, and he's 10 years old. And Gordon here, he's a genius! He did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And, um... [Ned looks at Dewey as the cop continues talking with Patty] And-and-and-and Marta here, she's-she's-she's... She can hit an A above high C. Did you know that? 'Cause that's tough. Not many singers can do that. And-and, uh... [Mullins and another cop get in on the conversation between Patty, Ned, and the first cop] Uh... Uh... Summer... Summer is gonna be the first woman President of the United States of America, and she could run later this year even, and I would vote for her. Look, you guys, they're just all really cool kids. And if they were mine, I would be so proud. And I am proud, just to even know them. And, um...
Cop Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment?
Can I just...? Let me just say a couple more things.
What's happening, Officer?
Cop Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.
Cop This man is Ned Schneebly.
Yeah, he's not even a teacher!
[points to Patty]
She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.
You're apologizing to him?!
[to Dewey]
Ned... [looks at the real Ned, then Dewey] Ned, is this true? Who are you?
My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I'm pretty sure I've touched them.
[The parents start murmuring in confusion; Dewey flees]
[Ned and Patty arrive home and see Dewey sulking at the table]
I have nothing to say to you.
You know, Dewey, it's one thing to throw your life away, but then to put Ned's career in jeopardy is so selfish!
Hey! You're the one who told me to be like Ned and get a job.
Yeah, yeah, I told you to be like Ned, Dewey! I didn't tell you to be Ned! And you're not even gonna apologize?
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD APOLOGIZE FOR CALLING THE COPS! It's not like I murdered anybody! I just wanted to play a great show! I was this close!
SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Would you both just cut it out for one second?!
[Patty mutters something under her breath, then leaves]
Look, I'm sorry, dude. I was desperate. You can't understand. It was easy for you to give up music. It ain't easy for me.
It wasn't easy for me. I miss it.
Well, then why'd you give it up?
'Cause I couldn't keep kidding myself anymore. You can blame it all on bad luck, but in the end, maybe we just weren't that good. Sometimes, you gotta know when to quit.
Maybe you're right, maybe I suck.
Well, music is my life, man. What do you want me to do?
I don't know, but... I think it's time you moved out. Sorry.
[The entire class is depressed after learning the truth about Dewey and the Battle of the Bands]
So, his name really wasn't Mr. Schneebly?
Nah, it was, like, Dewey somethin'...
M Marco
What about the project?
Wake up, Marco. There was no project.
He just wanted us to play a show so we could make some money.
I can't believe we weren't getting graded on any of this.
What are you so bummed about? We had a three week vacation. Yeah, it was a waste of time, but it was a lot better than school.
It was not a waste of time.
Hate to break it to you, bro, but yeah, that's what it was.
[stands up in Lawrence's defense]
Hey, if you touch him, I'll shove those sticks down your throat, got it?! [Freddy retreats] [to class] Mr. S was cool. We worked too long and hard not to play the show!
Okay, so what are we supposed to do?
Alicia I say we get out of here and play the show.
[The kids have arrived to find No Vacancy, Dewey's old band, on stage]
Guys, you don't have to listen to those hacks! Come on, band meeting, right now, gather round. Alright. Frankie, how's security?
Gordon, what about the lights?
Gordon The light board's up in the balcony. I'll patch it up there.
Alright. Okay, now, Billy, how's beautification?
Okay, listen up, you guys, we only have one song to let these guys know who we are...so I think we should play Zack's.
But why? I mean...really?
Yes! The thing is, you guys, I ain't that good. I'm not, I can admit it, but, dude, you're ten years old, you're already better than me, your song rocks harder, so let's play it! But hey, you know what? That's just one guy's opinion. This ain't my band, it's our band, we all have a say.
We haven't practiced that one as much. I mean, we might not win.
Hey. We didn't come here to win, we came to play one great show. And on Zack's song, you guys really rock. You know my vote, who else is with me?
(He lowers his hand into the middle of the circle, and the kids place theirs atop it)
Alright, let's pray. God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick butt. We are your humble servants, please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name, we pray. Amen.
Now let's get out there and MELT SOME FACES!
