Role Models quotes

View Quote Gayle: You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. You know what I used to eat for lunch? Cocaine.
Wheeler: What'd you have for dinner?
Danny: Was it cocaine?

View Quote Kid: Hey! Nice cow outfit, homo! Where can I pick one of those up, the gay zoo?
Danny: Oh no, it's not a cow, it's a minotaur. It's a creature of myth. And he got this one out of your mom's closet.
Wheeler: She let me keep it after I ****ed her.

View Quote Kuzzik: Diana has put away her bosom. Apollo has lifted his skirt. The day has been launched.

View Quote Kuzzik: Lets get ready to dance... with swords!

View Quote Kuzzik: Now let us gingerly touch our tips.

View Quote Kuzzik: Rub-a-dub-dub!

View Quote Linda the Teacher: You sit down, young man. You have been a bad boy!
Wheeler: I've been bad.
Linda the Teacher: And now you're gonna have to stay after class.
Wheeler: Oh, man. Look. Even though this is one of my top four all-time fantasies, I can't, okay? I want to, but I gotta go find my friend.
Linda the Teacher: Oh, yeah? You sure? [she takes off her dress]
Wheeler: Oh, my God.
Linda the Teacher: Do what you need to do
Wheeler: He'll be fine. He's 10. Come here. Let's go.

View Quote Martin: [observes Wheeler and Danny having popcorn thrown at them] I've heard of popcorn in the face, but this is ridiculous!

View Quote Ronnie: ♪ We are the butts of Chip Monk ass. But we got the ass butt, oh yo ass butt! ♪
Wheeler: Come on, sit down! Please! Danny?
Danny: I like Ronnie's version better. I like how it evokes the concept of "ass" and "butt".

View Quote Ronnie: Chicken wings, chicken wings, hot dogs and baloney, Chicken and macaroni, Chillin' with my homies, Chicken wings, Chicken wings.

View Quote Ronnie: Honky wanted a fistful of my balls!

View Quote Ronnie: Sometimes I call myself "The Booby Watcher", and I have my own comic book. "The Adventures of The Booby Watcher".

View Quote Wheeler: (in a Minotaur suit) Woo! Taste the beast! Stay off drugs! Minotaur!!
Danny: Drugs. Why do kids take drugs? Because they're awesome? No, maybe they just understand that life is pain and if you smoke something or take a pill it will go away for a while. I'll drink to that.
Wheeler: (in a Minotaur suit) Dude-dude-dude-dude, come on.
Danny: No, no no, no. People say "Embrace life. Enjoy life. Just do it! Live it! Rock it!" **** it! Because life is horrible. You know, I may not be so happy go lucky, but I'm a realist. Get ready to have your dreams dashed, kids, 'cause nothing's going to work out the way you think it's going to. Gin gin! By the way, this stuff's poison.

View Quote Wheeler: (Kiss's "Love Gun" plays on the stereo) You see, Ronnie? His dick is the gun!

View Quote Wheeler: Did you know that bald eagles are known to engage in a bizarre mating ritual where two eagles fly upwards, lock talons, and fall towards the earth while rotating, separating almost before they crash into the ground, if and only if they consummate their bird ****. If they don't, they are willing to accept their death by hard ground. It's the ultimate race against the clock.
Augie: Why are you telling me this?
Wheeler: Why would I not?