The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists quotes
Page 1 of 2You can't always just say "arrr" at the end of a sentence and think that makes everything feel alright.
PARDONED?!! [Accidentally lets go of her ship's deflating balloon, which carries her away, furiously screaming from the balloon] YOU'LL BE OUTLAWED ACROSS THE GLOBE!!! THERE WILL BE A HIGHER PRICE ON YOUR HEAD THAN ANY PIRATE BEFORE YOU!!!! THE WHOLE WORLD WILL KNOW YOUR NAME!!!!!!!!
Black Bellamy You want to be Pirate of the Year? Do they just give it to the guy with the fattest parrot?
She's not fat, she's just big-boned!
Black Bellamy She's fat, dude.
Black Bellamy Oh, come on!
No. He. Doesn't.
Trailer version[edit]
Avast! I'm the pirate captain, and I'm here for your gold!
Gold? Afraid we don't have any gold, old man. This is a leper boat. [his arm falls off] See?
The Pirate of the Year Awards...
Every time I've entered, I've failed to win. So, I must have a really good chance this time!
Right, then, Charles. When is this science show of yours?
A week tomorrow.
Ahhh, confound it. You see, we could've made that with a good wind behind us, but unfortunately, there's this dirty great sea monster in the way.
Um, I... I... I think they just add those on the maps for decoration, Captain.
Is that a fact? Well blow me down.
What pirates? Nobody here but us girl scouts! (Girl Guides, UK Version)
I got a badge for looting
Admiral Collingwood!
Well, Admiral?
Great news, Your Majesty! The French are defeated at last. Also the Russians, the Portuguese, the Chinese, and the Welsh.
Then our navy rules the ocean?
Almost entirely, your Majesty.
Almost?
Unfortunately, just here we're still having a little trouble with [gulps] p- p-pirates.
What does it say on my Royal Crest, Admiral?
"I hate pirates", ma'am.
Exactly, hate them, with their idiotic shanties! And their ridiculous hats! And their endless blasted ROARING!!! I want them sunk, Admiral!! Scuppered, smashed, fed to the sharks!! Do you hear me?! I... HATE... PIRATES!!!
It's the looting.
It's the cutlasses.
It's... the LOOTING!
It's the cutlasses!
LOOTING!!!
CUTLASSES!!!
LOOTING!!!
Sorry, captain.
We were just discussing, "What's the best bit about being a pirate?"
Oh, you were, were you?
I've suggested it might be the looting.
Whereas I content, it's the shiny cutlasses.
And I thought it was a chance to catch exotic diseases.
Hmm. Well, you're all of you wrong. The best bit about being pirate isn't the looting or the cutlasses. It's not the grog, or the scurvy, or the scantily clad mermaids. The best bit about being a pirate... iiiiiissssssssss HAM NITE!!! [cuts a rope revealing a banner saying "HAM NITE"]
HAM!!
Go, Captain! Go, Captain! Go, Captain!
It's like a meat ballet!
To Ham Nite! And to the Pirate Captain!
Pirate Captain!
You still got it, Captain.
Now, now, shush, shush, shush. Settle down. Shush. It's not all about me.
Don't be modest.
No, no, no, behind every captain with glittering eyes and luxuriant beard, the crew of briny rogues!
Briny rogues!
Ah, sure, some of you are as ugly as a sea cucumber!
Get away with ya!
Some of you are closer to being a chair or coat rack than a pirate! [gestures to a pirate with a peg leg, eyepatch, mechanical arm, and a cork nose] And some of you are just fish I've just dressed up in a hat. [gestures to a fish dressed as a pirate] But you're still the best crew a captain could wish for!
Oh, oh! Don't forget Polly!
Ah, ah, ah! And not forgetting... never forgetting... [The Pirate Who Likes Sunsets & Kittens pulls out Polly and puts her on the table] Polly! The finest parrot to sail the Seven Seas!
Avast! I’m the pirate captain, and I’m here for your gold!
Gold? This is a plague boat, old man. I’d give my right arm for gold. [his left arm falls off] Or my left.
Journal of Charles Darwin. Day 93 aboard the Beagle. I have today discovered a new kind of barnacle, which I have categorized as in the order of Pygophora. I'll never get a girlfriend. I am so unhappy. [a few cannonballs whiz through his office; continues writing in his journal] And now I'm being attacked by pirates.
PARDONED?!! [Accidentally lets go of her ship's deflating balloon, which carries her away.] YOU'LL BE OUTLAWED ACROSS THE GLOBE!!! THERE WILL BE A HIGHER PRICE ON YOUR HEAD THAN ANY PIRATE BEFORE YOU!!!! THE WHOLE WORLD WILL KNOW YOUR NAME!!!!!!!!
And that beard of yours, it drives me, crazy.
And that's why, in a straight fight, a shark would probably beat Dracula.
Are you going to... Are you going to enter again?
Behind every captain, there's a crew. Sure, some of you are as ugly as a sea cucumber, some of you are closer to being a chair or coat rack than a pirate, and some of you are fish I've just dressed up in a hat...
Congratulations, Pirate Captain, Nobody deserves this more than you.