My Uncle Bill...But I still love him.
The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill
W.C. Fields · 22 quotes
Gloria Jean
4 quotes
Waitress
Jody Gilbert · 3 quotes
Mr. Pangborn
2 quotes
Most scenes together: The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill & Gloria Jean (3), The Great Man, W.C. Fields/Uncle Bill & Waitress (3)
Never Give a Sucker an Even Break quotes
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Ouliotta Delight Hemoglobin
[after kissing Peter Carson]
You must be a professional.
Peter Carson
If that girl is as beautiful as you say, I'll scale the wall tomorrow.
Is there any goulash on this menu?
Flight Attendant
Are you air sick?
Somebody put too many olives in my martinis last night.
But how can you look out for me when I'm here and you're way down there?
You want to go to school, don't you?...You want to grow up and be dumb like ZaSu Pitts?
We're falling two thousand feet!
All right, dear. Don't start worrying until we get down to one-thousand, nine-hundred, and ninety-nine. It's the last foot that's dangerous.
Why didn't you ever marry?
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
Mrs. Hemoglobin
Men. Men. They're all alike. They'll deceive you as your father did me. He kissed a chorus girl and when I found out he said, 'Oh, I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing.'
Ouliotta
Do you think he drinks?
Mrs. Hemoglobin
He didn't get that nose from playing ping-pong.
Ouliotta
Are you really a man?
Well, I've been called other things.
Peter Carson
[about Mrs. Hemoglobin]
She has a bank roll so big a greyhound couldn't leap over it.
She seemed like an awfully nice woman to me.
Radio report
...two crooks who have just held up the bank for one hundred and fifty thousand...that is all.
That is all? A hundred and fifty thousand. That's all. It ain't hay, is it?
Radio report
...One crook - slight build, evidently a jockey, has a horse scar behind his left ear...other crook has corn teeth, cauliflower ear, apple-red cheeks, mutton-chop whiskers.
Sounds like a full-course dinner to me! What? No apple pie?
Receptionist [talking on the phone]
You big hotty-dottie. You smoke vile cigars all day and drink whiskey half the night. Someday, you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Drown in a vat of whiskey. Death where is thy sting?
And another thing, don't be so free with your hands.
Listen honey. I was only trying to guess your weight. You take things too seriously.
And another thing. You're always squawking about something. If it isn't the steak, it's something else.
I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
You're as funny as a cry for help.
You used to be an old Follies girl?
You know, there's something awfully big about you. [pause] Your nose.