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Young Agent K: Well, how are we gonna find this guy?
Andy Warhol: What am I, a schmuck?
[Warhol points to the party]
Young Agent K: What, he's here?
Andy Warhol: Well, here is a relative term. He's a fifth dimensional being. They can live in and visualize an infinite set of time-space probabilities simultaneously.
Young Agent K: Alright, sounds like fun. Good work.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: Whoa! Whoa! K! K! K! You gotta fake my death, okay? I can't listen to sitar music anymore.
Young Agent K: Alright, I'll see what I can do. I'll talk to X.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: K, I can't tell the women from the men!
Andy Warhol: What am I, a schmuck?
[Warhol points to the party]
Young Agent K: What, he's here?
Andy Warhol: Well, here is a relative term. He's a fifth dimensional being. They can live in and visualize an infinite set of time-space probabilities simultaneously.
Young Agent K: Alright, sounds like fun. Good work.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: Whoa! Whoa! K! K! K! You gotta fake my death, okay? I can't listen to sitar music anymore.
Young Agent K: Alright, I'll see what I can do. I'll talk to X.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: K, I can't tell the women from the men!
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Young K: The Moon Launch
J: Cape Canaveral. July 16th, 1969.
Young K: We've got six hours to get to Florida, better get a move on slick.
J: Cape Canaveral. July 16th, 1969.
Young K: We've got six hours to get to Florida, better get a move on slick.
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[As K, J, and Griffin wearing the jetpacks land back on the ground]
Griffin: So glad this isn't one of the times we explode.
J: One of the times?!
Griffin: So glad this isn't one of the times we explode.
J: One of the times?!
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[Boris rides down a boardwalk on his motorcycle]
Male Hippie: Far out, man. [reaches his hand towards the motorcycle]
Boris: If you want to keep that, I wouldn't!
Female Hippie: Make love, not war!
Boris: I prefer to do both.
[Both hippies laugh. Boris forces an awkward laugh, then the hippies stare at him awkwardly. He laughs again, and once more as he drives off.]
Male Hippie: Far out, man. [reaches his hand towards the motorcycle]
Boris: If you want to keep that, I wouldn't!
Female Hippie: Make love, not war!
Boris: I prefer to do both.
[Both hippies laugh. Boris forces an awkward laugh, then the hippies stare at him awkwardly. He laughs again, and once more as he drives off.]
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[from trailer]
Agent J: Marco! You know you're not supposed to be north of Canal Street!
Graffiti artist: Who's Marco?
Marco: Just relax, punk. [he reveals himself in the walls] They're looking for me and not you.
Agent J: Crazy, right? Two grown men, talking to the wall, wall talking back, it's a mess. But hey. Don't even worry about it.
[He neuralizes the graffiti artist.]
Agent J: Marco! You know you're not supposed to be north of Canal Street!
Graffiti artist: Who's Marco?
Marco: Just relax, punk. [he reveals himself in the walls] They're looking for me and not you.
Agent J: Crazy, right? Two grown men, talking to the wall, wall talking back, it's a mess. But hey. Don't even worry about it.
[He neuralizes the graffiti artist.]
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[last lines]
[Griffin looks at the camera and smiles]
Griffin: This is my new favorite moment in human history. [face falls] ...unless this is the one where K forgot to leave a tip.
[Griffin looks over at K's place setting - no tip. In alarm, he looks up as the camera shows a meteor hurtling towards Earth. Griffin looks down as K enters and leaves a tip.]
K: Almost forgot.
[K leaves. In space, a satellite drifts into the meteor's path, causing it to explode harmlessly. Griffin looks at the camera and smiles.]
Griffin: That was a close one.
[Griffin looks at the camera and smiles]
Griffin: This is my new favorite moment in human history. [face falls] ...unless this is the one where K forgot to leave a tip.
[Griffin looks over at K's place setting - no tip. In alarm, he looks up as the camera shows a meteor hurtling towards Earth. Griffin looks down as K enters and leaves a tip.]
K: Almost forgot.
[K leaves. In space, a satellite drifts into the meteor's path, causing it to explode harmlessly. Griffin looks at the camera and smiles.]
Griffin: That was a close one.
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[referring to everyone at the party in The Factory]
Agent J: Is there anybody here who's not an alien?
[as they look around them J notices a man that looks like Andy Warhol taking photos]
Agent J: Is that Andy Warhol?
Young Agent K: Yep.
Agent J: Is there anybody here who's not an alien?
[as they look around them J notices a man that looks like Andy Warhol taking photos]
Agent J: Is that Andy Warhol?
Young Agent K: Yep.
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[through Griffin's eyes, J and K see the last game of the 1969 World Series.]
Agent J: Wait, this game doesn't happen until October.
Griffin: Oh, it's always October, November, March... so many futures, and they're all real, you just don't know which one will coalesce. Until then, they're all happening. Like this one here, it's my favorite moment in human history.
Agent J: Wait, this game doesn't happen until October.
Griffin: Oh, it's always October, November, March... so many futures, and they're all real, you just don't know which one will coalesce. Until then, they're all happening. Like this one here, it's my favorite moment in human history.
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[while young K is talking to Warhol, J encounters Griffin at the party not knowing who he is]
Agent J: How's is it going?
Griffin: Going? How's it going? Well, that depends. For me personally, it's good, things are good. Unless, of course, we're in the possible future where the muscle boy near the door gets into an argument with his girlfriend, which causes her to storm away and bump into the guy carrying the stuffed mushrooms, who then dumps the tray onto those sailors on leave and a shoving match breaks out and they crash into the coffee table here. In which case, I gotta move my plate like right now.
[J watches as everything Griffin says happens]
Griffin: Or, if it's the possible future, in which the pastrami sandwich I'm eating causes me gastric distress. But thankfully your friend, sir, will offer some of the antacids he carries in his right pocket. So good, I'll be good. Except in the case of the possible future where I have to leave in two and a half minutes, just before he has a chance to offer me the antacids. So, on the whole, I'd have to say, not good. I'm not good.
[J gives Griffin a confused look]
Griffin: But that depends.
Agent J: K!
Agent J: How's is it going?
Griffin: Going? How's it going? Well, that depends. For me personally, it's good, things are good. Unless, of course, we're in the possible future where the muscle boy near the door gets into an argument with his girlfriend, which causes her to storm away and bump into the guy carrying the stuffed mushrooms, who then dumps the tray onto those sailors on leave and a shoving match breaks out and they crash into the coffee table here. In which case, I gotta move my plate like right now.
[J watches as everything Griffin says happens]
Griffin: Or, if it's the possible future, in which the pastrami sandwich I'm eating causes me gastric distress. But thankfully your friend, sir, will offer some of the antacids he carries in his right pocket. So good, I'll be good. Except in the case of the possible future where I have to leave in two and a half minutes, just before he has a chance to offer me the antacids. So, on the whole, I'd have to say, not good. I'm not good.
[J gives Griffin a confused look]
Griffin: But that depends.
Agent J: K!
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'When that ball is pitched to Davey Johnson- who only became a baseball player because his father couldn't find him a football to give him for his eighth birthday- it hits his bat two micrometers too high, causing him to pop out to Cleon Jones- who would have been born Clara- a statistical typest, if his parents didn't have an extra glass of wine that night before going to bed.'
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(To Boris): 'You haven't changed very much. I see the arm I shot off is...still shot off.'
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(To J): 'Boris the Animal...I put him away a long time ago, it's the worst mistake I ever made.'
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(To K): 'Yes, my arm. (Speaking to his pet) We've thought about that moment...(looking up) everyday...for the last 40 years.'
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(To O on the phone): '...Lunar Max Prison- Boris the Animal.'
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(To past self) ' With my help, we'll get the Arknet, kill Agent K, the invasion will be successful and we'll get to keep both of our ar...AR...ARRR...STOP STARING AT IT!'