Bert Spitz Getting divorced with a kid is one of the hardest things to do. It's like a death without a body.
Played by Alan Alda 
Marriage Story (2019) · 20 quotes
Marriage Story (2019) · 20 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Marriage Story (2019): in 5 of its 20 quotes
Most scenes with: Charlie Barber (2)
And keep in mind, you'll have to pay for her lawyer. [...] Well, at least part of her. It doesn't make sense, does it? I mean, you're doing this because you love your kid. And in doing so, you're draining money from your kid's education.
More lines from Bert Spitz
2 quotes Bert Spitz Bert Spitz I want you to know that eventually this'll all be over, and whatever we win or lose, it'll be the two of you having to figure this out together.
Scenes with Bert Spitz
2 scenes
Will we go to court?
Bert Spitz No. No, we don't want to go to court. Courts in California are a disaster, and that's just how we have to think about it. I'm not sure these are my glasses. Where are you living while you're out here?
I'm in a hotel right now.
Bert Spitz A hotel doesn't look good.
To who?
Bert Spitz The court.
Bert Spitz [explaining it better]
No, of course. Of course. We have to prepare to go to court hoping we don't go to court.
Bert Spitz You know what this is like? This is like that joke about the woman at the hairdresser, she's going to Rome. You know this?
I don't.
Bert Spitz This woman is at her hairdresser, and she says, "I'm going to Rome on Holiday." And he says, "Oh, really? What airline are you taking?" She says, "Alitalia." He says, "Alitalia? Are you crazy? That's the worst – that's terrible. Don't take that. Where you gonna stay?" She says, "I'm gonna stay at the Hassler." "The Hassler? What, are you kidding? They're renovating the Hassler. You'll hear hammering all night long. You won't sleep. What are you gonna see?" She says, "I think I'm gonna try to go the Vatican." "The Vatican? You'll be standing in line all day long. You'll never get to see anything."
