So what's the problem, Sammy-o? Is it just Mum or is it something else? Maybe... school - are you being bullied? Or is it something worse? Can you give me any clues at all?
You really want to know?
I really want to know.
Even though you won't be able to do anything to help?
Even if that's the case, yeah.
OK. The truth is actually... I'm in love.
Sorry?
I know I should be thinking about Mum all the time, and I am. But the truth is I'm in love and I was before she died, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Aren't you a bit young to be in love?
No.
Oh, OK, right. Well, I'm a little relieved.
Why?
Well, you know - I thought it might be something worse.
Oh. No, you're right. Yeah, total agony.
...
Option One: ask her out.
Impossible.
Fair enough. Option Two: become her friend.
She's the most popular girl in school and she hates boys.
Okay. Option Three: kidnap her and keep her tied up in your room until she agrees to marry you.
It's a route I've considered.
And quite rightly rejected on the grounds of...
Hygiene.
...
All right, we can definitely crack this. I was a kid once too, remember. Now, it's someone at school?
Yes.
Good, good. And how does she... or he... feel about you?
She doesn't even know my name. And even if she did, she'd despise me. She's the coolest girl in school and everyone worships her because she's heaven.
Hmmm...
