Juno quotes

89 total quotes

Bren MacGuff
Juno MacGuff
Mac MacGuff
Multiple Characters

View Quote [to an ultrasound technician] My five-year-old daughter could do that, and let me tell you, she is not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, so why don't you go back to night school in Manteno and learn a real trade?

View Quote Su-Chin: [protesting outside the abortion clinic] All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned!

View Quote Leah: [at Juno’s ultrasound test] Dude, that thing looks freaky.
Juno: Hey, I am a sacred vessel; all you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.

View Quote Leah:[reading] "Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple have found true love with each other." Aw... all that's missing is your bastard!

View Quote Leah: [seeing Juno and Paulie kissing] You know, you can go into early labor sucking face like that! [Juno gives her the finger]

View Quote Vijay: I'm gonna stop wearing underwear. Raise my sperm count.

View Quote Mac: And this, of course, is Juno.
Mark: Like the city in Alaska.
Juno: No.
Mark: No? [pause] Shall we sit down and get to know one another?
Vanessa: Oh, I thought I would get some drinks. What would anyone like? I have Pellegrino, or Vitamin Water or Orange Juice or...
Juno: I'll have a Maker's Mark. Up.
Mac: She's kidding. Junebug has a wonderful sense of humor. Just one of her many genetic gifts.

View Quote Gerta Rauss: ...So, we all agree that a closed adoption is the best decision for all involved?
Juno: SSSHHIT! YES! Close it up!

View Quote Su-Chin: [Seeing Juno running out of the clinic] God appreciates your miracle!

View Quote Juno: Well, I'm sorry I had sex with you. I know it wasn’t your idea.
Paulie: Whose idea was it?
Juno: I'll see you at school, okay? [mounts her bicycle and rides off]
Paulie: [to no one in particular] Whose idea was it?

View Quote When I see them all running like that, with their things bouncing around in their shorts, I always picture them naked, even if I don't want to. All I see are pork swords.

View Quote Juno: I think I'm in love with you.
Paulie: You mean as friends?
Juno: No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met — and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie: I try really hard, actually.
[...]
Paulie: Can we make out now?
Juno: Yeah. [kisses him]

View Quote [to a barking dog] Jeez, Bananas, shut your freakin' gob, OK?

View Quote Leah: All right, how about this one? "Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love."
Juno: Yeesh, they sound like a cult, is what the sound like! And besides they already have three kids. They're just like greedy little bitches!

View Quote Vanessa: You think you're really going to do this?
Juno: Yeah, I like you guys. If I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I'm guessing it looks probably like a sea monkey right now and we should let it get a little cuter.