(voiceover)
Neil was a man of few words, but even for him, this was ridiculous. Not that I was faring that much better myself.
The Inbetweeners Movie quotes
Page 2 of 2(voiceover)
So, that was it. We were no longer schoolboys. And to prove our independence, we were off on the holiday of a lifetime without our parents… after we’d made them pay for it.
(voiceover)
Unsurprisingly, the girls’ hotel was nicer than our hotel. There are North Korean prison camps which are nicer than our hotel. But, like a North Korean prison camp, it was overcrowded, so we had nowhere to sit.
What about there?
They’ve got towels on them, Neil.
So?
That means people have bagsied them. We can’t take those.
**** that!
No, Jay, we can’t!
Watch me! It’s probably just a load of Kratus that got down early in the morning to reserve ‘em.
That towel’s got Finding Nemo on it.
Oh. What, so Nazis can’t like Disney too?
Jay!
Besides, I really need a lie down. My head’s more **** than Neil's dad’s arsehole.
Jay, please!
(voiceover)
Jay and Neil were off to, as they put it, “check out the chicas”. But I had a serious problem. In the absence of my mother, or a teacher, I needed help with my sunblock.
(voiceover)
When people now ask me if I like football, I say yes. I do like football. But not Burnley. Burnley can **** off.
She’d get it.
Most definitely!
Oh, and that one. She’d get it! And that one! And that one.
And that one. She’d get it.
Right in the bumholey.
I can’t believe I’ve already got a bird. Gutted.
So **** what?! All birds know - what goes on tour stays on tour.
No, I couldn’t do that to Nicole. I think I love her. And I never loved anything before apart from a car or a sandwich.
Ah, interesting.
Well, it must get going a bit later. She did say it was amazing.
And why would she lie?!
All right, mate. Four pints, four Jägermeisters and a fishbowl, please.
Barman
Sorry?
Er, when here party good?
Barman
(in English)
In normally about an hour or two.
Oh. Well, as we’ve paid, maybe we should hang on, then?
Barman
But this year…never.
Okay, let’s go.
**** off! My bird’ll be down in a minute.
Do you mean the woman who’s clearly on commission to trick people into this empty bar?
No, I mean the little hottie outside I was flirting with.
I’ll take that as a yes, then.
I’m going nowhere till she’s sucked me off!
So you’re going nowhere.
Jay, we’re on holiday! I meant to be out there, trying to hit girls I think are beneath me but who, for their part, won’t give me the time of day! So, let’s go!
Ooh! Hello, hello! It’s those little lovelies from the coach!
I think they’re looking at us.
And not in a weird, terrified, “leave us alone” way. Amazing!
Jay, you’re drunkest. Go over and talk to them.
Nah. Not me, mate. None of them are as fit as my one outside. Why go for hamburgers when you’ve got steak at home?
If, like you, you have neither anywhere. It’s up to you, then, Si.
Oh, shit, really? I don’t know if I’m over Carli.
Ow! ****! Can you stop that?!
Yes, I can. When you stop being such a pussy about your ex. It’s time to get back on the horse now, Si. And those little ponies need feeding. Feed the pony.
Yeah, okay, I’ll introduce us, but we’ve all got to go over there.
Great.
You **** sad cases. You don’t just walk up to a girl in a club and introduce yourself! That’s creepy. Clubs have different rules, you dick. Look, you dance over near them, make the eyes, then get ‘em to dance with you.
Really?!
Annoyingly, that does sound right.
Thank you! And then, after a bit, you stand up to them, pretend to slap ‘em and **** ‘em up the arse.
That might be a bit much.
Yeah, I dunno.
Oh, **** hell, I’ll do it.
What about Nicole?
It’s only dancing, she likes my dancing. Stick with me, you’ll be fine.
Right, then, Si. Looks like the holiday starts here.
Am I doing it right? Am I in time?
Maybe a bit out, but not so you’d notice. Copy Neil.
Slightly more upbeat than I was expecting.
(voiceover)
They say your school days are the best days of your life. But the only way that would be true for me would be if I went straight from school to prison and stayed there forever until I died.