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The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey quotes

53 total quotes

Bilbo Baggins
Gandalf the Grey
Gollum / Sméagol
Radagast The Brown
Thorin Oakenshield

View Quote Balin: It's just the usual; summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth.
Bilbo: "Funeral arrangements"? [reads contract] Oh...
Thorin: [whispering to Gandalf] I cannot guarantee his safety.
Gandalf: Understood.
Thorin: Nor will I be responsible for his fate.
Gandalf: [hesitates] Agreed.
Bilbo: Uh, "Terms: cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth total profit, if any." Seems fair... Uh, "Present Company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by, or sustained as a consequence thereof, including, but not limited" "Evisceration"?... "Incineration"?
Bofur: Oh, aye. He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye.
[Bilbo starts to look shaky]
Balin: You all right, laddie?
Bilbo: Huh? Yeah, I'm okay. [trying to take it in] Feeling a bit faint.
Bofur: [not noticing] Think "furnace with wings."
Bilbo: Yeah, I... I... I need air.
Bofur: Flash of light, searing pain, then poof! You're nothing more than a pile of ash.
Bilbo: ...Nope. [faints]
Gandalf: [sarcastic] Oh, very helpful, Bofur.
View Quote Bilbo: Is that what I think it is? [They look at the lonely mountain in the distance.]
Gandalf: Erebor, the Lonely Montain. The last of the great dwarf kingdoms of Middle Earth.
Thorin: Our home.
Oin: A raven, the birds are returning to the mountain.
Gandalf: That my dear, Oin, is a thrush.
Thorin: We'll take it as a sign. A good Omen.
Bilbo: You're right. I do believe the worst is behind us. [smiles]
[the thrush flies to the Lonely Mountain. It picks up a snail and starts basking it against a rock. The tapping echos through the halls of Erebor and awakens Smaug, who is sleeping under a massive pile of gold]
View Quote Bilbo: [annoyed] Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!
Gandalf: My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?
Bilbo: What's the matter? I am surrounded by dwarves! What are they doing here?
Gandalf: Oh, they're quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them.
Bilbo: I don't want to get used to them! The state of my kitchen! There's mud trod into the carpet! They pillaged the pantry. I'm not even gonna tell you what they've done in the bathroom. They've all but destroyed the plumbing! I don't understand what they're doing in my house! [Ori walks up]
Ori: 'Scuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?
Fíli: Here you go, Ori, give it to me. [Fíli takes the plate and tosses it to Kíli, who throws it across the hall; Bifur catches it, while not looking]
Bilbo: [mortified] Excuse me! That's my mother's West Farthing pottery, it's over 100 years old! [to the other dwarves clashing the cutlery together] And can you not do that? You'll blunt them!
Bofur: Oh, did you hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!
Kíli: [singing] Blunt the knives, bend the forks!
Fíli: [singing] Smash the bottles and burn the corks!
Dwarves: [singing] Chip the glasses and crack the plates...That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!Cut the cloth, tread on the fat!Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!Pour the milk on the pantry floor!Splash the wine on every door!Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl!Pound them up with a thumping pole!And when you're finished, if they are whole...Send them down the hall to roll!That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
View Quote Bilbo: [grabbing a doily from Nori] Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth.
Bofur: But it's full of holes!
Bilbo: It's supposed to look like that, it's crochet.
Bofur: Oh, and a wonderful game it is too, if you've got the balls for it. [laughs]
View Quote Bilbo: Good morning.
Gandalf: What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning, or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good this particular morning? Or are you simply stating that it is a morning to be good on?
Bilbo: ...All of them at once, I suppose. [long pause] Can I help you?
Gandalf: That remains to be seen. I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure.
Bilbo: [Bilbo stares at Gandalf] An adventure?... Well, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner! [When Gandalf still doesn't leave, Bilbo awkwardly goes to his mail, pretending to pay no attention to him. Finally, he clears his throat.] Good morning! [Heads for his front door]
Gandalf: To think that I should have lived to be "good morninged" by Belladonna Took's son as if I were selling buttons at the door!
Bilbo: [stops] Beg your pardon?
Gandalf: You've changed. And not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins.
Bilbo: I'm sorry, do I know you?
Gandalf: Well, you know my name although you don't remember I belong to it; I am Gandalf! And Gandalf means... me.
Bilbo: Not Gandalf, the wandering wizard who made such excellent fireworks. Old Took use to have them on Mid-summer's Eve. [chuckles] No idea you were still in business.
Gandalf: And where else should I be? [Bilbo continues to smoke his pipe] All the same, I'm pleased to find you remember something about me, even if it's only my fireworks. Well, that's decided. It will be very good for you... and most amusing for me. I shall inform the others.
Bilbo: [startled] Inform who? Wait, wha- no! No. No, wait. We do not want any adventures here, thank you- not today! Not-- I suggest you try over the Hill or across the Water. Good morning! [hurries inside and shuts the door]
View Quote Bilbo: I'll be alright. Just let me sit quietly for a moment.
Gandalf: You've been sitting quietly for far too long! Tell me, when did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you? I remember a young hobbit who was always running off in search of Elves in the woods. He'd stay out late, come home after dark, trailing mud and twigs and fireflies. A young hobbit who would've liked nothing better than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire. The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there.
Bilbo: I can't just go running off into the blue! I am a Baggins...[whimpers]...of Bag End!
Gandalf: You are also a Took. Did you know that your great-great-great-great Uncle Bullroarer Took was so large he could ride a real horse?
Bilbo: Yes.
Gandalf: Well, he could! At the Battle of Greenfields, he charged the Goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard, it knocked the Goblin King's head clean off and it sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus the battle was won, and the game of golf invented at the same time.
Bilbo: I do believe you made that up.
Gandalf: Well, all good stories deserve embellishment. You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back.
Bilbo: Can you promise that I will come back?
Gandalf: No. And if you do... you will not be the same.
Bilbo: That's what I thought. Sorry, Gandalf. I can't sign this. You've got the wrong hobbit.
View Quote Dori: Mr. Gandalf, can't you do something about this deluge?
Gandalf: It is raining, Master Dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done. If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard.
Bilbo: Are there any?
Gandalf: What?
Bilbo: Other wizards?
Gandalf: There are five of us. The greatest of our order is Saruman the White. And then there are the two Blue Wizards... You know, I've quite forgotten their names.
Bilbo: And the fifth?
Gandalf: Well, that would be Radagast the Brown.
Bilbo: Is he a great wizard? Or is he more like you.
Gandalf: Well, I think he is a very great wizard... in his own way. He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals for others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the East- and a good thing, too, for always evil will look to find a foothold in this world.
View Quote Elrond: Stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks, and the setting sun with the last light of Durin's Day will shine upon the key-hole.
Bilbo: Durin's Day?
Gandalf: It is the start of the Dwarves' new year when the last Moon of Autumn and the first Sun of Winter appear in the sky together.
Thorin: This is ill news. Summer is passing, Durin's Day will soon be upon us.
Balin: We still have time.
Bilbo: Time for what?
Balin: To find the entrance. We have to be standing in exactly the right spot, at exactly the right time. Then... and only then can the door be opened.
Elrond: So this is your purpose? To enter the mountain?
Thorin: What of it?
Elrond: There are some who would not deem it wise.
Gandalf: Who do you mean?
Elrond: You are not the only guardian to stand watch over Middle-earth.
View Quote Elrond: This is Orcrist, the Goblin-Cleaver. A famous blade forged by the High Elves of the West. My kin. [returns it to Thorin] May it serve you well. [unsheathes Gandalf's sword] And this is Glamdring, the Foe-hammer, sword of the King of Gondolin. These swords were forged long ago for the Elven-Goblin Wars...
[Curious, Bilbo unsheathes his own sword, looking for inscriptions.]
Balin: I wouldn't bother, laddie. Swords are named for the great deeds they do in war.
Bilbo Baggins: What are you saying? My sword hasn't seen battle?
Balin: I'm not actually sure it is a sword. More of a letter opener, really.
View Quote Elrond: Welcome, Thorin, son of Thrain.
Thorin: I do not believe we have met.
Elrond: You have your grandfather's bearing. I knew Thrór when he ruled under the mountain.
Thorin: Indeed? He made no mention of you.
Elrond: [responds in Elvish]
Gloin: What is he saying? Does he offer us insults?!
Gandalf: No, Master Gloin, he's offering you food. [pause]
Gloin: Well, in that case, lead on.
View Quote Frodo: [finds a sketch of a younger Bilbo] What's this?
Old Bilbo: That is private. Keep your sticky paws off. [Frodo start to look at the book, Bilbo hides the text] It's not ready yet.
Frodo: Not ready for what?
Old Bilbo: Reading. [notices a bundle of envelopes] What on earth are these?
Frodo: Replies to the party invitations.
Old Bilbo: [excited] Good gracious. Is it today?
Frodo: They all said they are coming. Except for the Sackville-Bagginses, who demand that you ask them in person.
Old Bilbo: Really... Over my dead body.
Frodo: They'd probably find that quite agreeable. They seem to think you have tunnels overflowing with gold.
Old Bilbo: It was one small chest; hardly overflowing. [whispers] And it still smells of troll! [Hides some gold cups]
Frodo: [notices Bilbo's behavior] What on earth are you doing?
Old Bilbo: Taking precautions! You know, I caught her making off with the silverware once.
Frodo: Who?
Old Bilbo: Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. She had all my spoons stuffed in her pockets! Ha! Dreadful woman! Make sure you keep an eye of her after I, um, I... When I'm...
Frodo: When you're what?
Old Bilbo: [not wanting to tell] It's nothing, nothing...
Frodo: You know, some people are beginning to wonder about you, uncle. They think you are becoming...odd.
Old Bilbo: "Odd"?
Frodo: Hmm, unsociable.
Old Bilbo: "Unsociable"? Me? Nonsense! [Hands Frodo a sign] Be a good lad and put that out at the gate.
[The sign reads "No admittance; Except on party business."]
View Quote Galadriel: [voice-over] You carry something. It came to you from Radagast. He found it in Dol Guldur.
Gandalf: Yes.
Galadriel: Show me.
Elrond: What is that?
Galadriel: A relic... of Mordor.
Elrond: A Morgul-blade!
Galadriel: Made for the Witch-king of Angmar... And buried with him. When Angmar fell, the Men of the North took his body and all that he possessed and sealed it within the High Fells of Rhudaur. Deep within the rock, they buried him. In a tomb so dark... it would never come to light.
Elrond: This is not possible. A powerful spell lies upon those tombs, they cannot be opened.
Saruman: What proof do we have this weapon came from Angmar's grave?
Gandalf: [reluctantly] I have none.
Saruman: Because there is none! Let us examine what we know: A single Orc pack has dared to cross the Bruinen, a dagger from a bygone age has been found and a human sorcerer who calls himself the Necromancer has taken up residence in a ruined fortress. It's not so very much. After all, the question of this Dwarvish company, however, troubles me deeply. I'm not convinced, Gandalf. I do not feel I can condone such a quest. If they had come to me, I might have spared them from this disappointment...
Galadriel: They are leaving.
Gandalf: Yes.
Galadriel: You knew. [Lindir rushes in]
Lindir: My lord, the dwarves, they're gone!
View Quote Galadriel: You will follow them.
Gandalf: Yes.
Galadriel: You are right to help Thorin Oakenshield, but I fear this quest has set in motion forces we do not yet understand. The riddle of the Morgul-blade must be answered. Something moves in the shadows, unseen, hidden from our sight. It will not show itself, not yet...but every day it grows in strength. You must be careful. [Gandalf nods and turns to leave] Mithrandir, why the halfling?
Gandalf: I don't know. Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I've found it is the small things; everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay... simple acts of kindness, and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I am afraid... and he gives me courage.
Galadriel: [takes his hands] Do not be afraid, Mithrandir. You are not alone. [in Elvish] If you ever need my help, I will come.
View Quote Gandalf: I think it would be wiser to move on. We could make for the Hidden Valley.
Thorin: I told you already. I will not go near that place.
Gandalf: Why not? The Elves could help us. We could get food, rest, advice.
Thorin: I do not need their advice.
Gandalf: We have a map that we cannot read. Lord Elrond could help us.
Thorin: "Help"? A dragon attacks Erebor. What "help" came from the Elves? Orcs plunder Moria, desecrate our sacred halls, the Elves looked on and did nothing! And you ask me to seek out the very people who betrayed my grandfather who betrayed my father.
Gandalf: You are neither of them. I did not give you that map and key for you to hold on to the past.
Thorin: I did not know they were yours to keep. [frustrated, Gandalf walks off]
Bilbo: Everything all right? Gandalf, where are you going?
Gandalf: To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense!
Bilbo: Who's that?
Gandalf: MYSELF, Mr. Baggins! I've had enough of dwarves for one day!
Thorin: Come on, Bombur, we're hungry.
Bilbo: [to Balin] Is he coming back?
View Quote Gandalf: What happened to him? Tell me!
Thorin: I'll tell you what happened! Master Baggins saw his chance and he took it. He's thought of nothing but his soft bed and his warm hearth since first he stepped out of his door! We will not be seeing our hobbit again; he's long gone.
Bilbo: [emerges from hiding] No, he isn't.
[the company looks relieved]
Gandalf: Bilbo Baggins! I've never been so glad to see anyone in my life!
Kili: Bilbo! We'd given you up!
Fili: How on earth did you get past the goblins?
Dwalin: How indeed?
[Gandalf sees Bilbo slip the Ring into his pocket, unnoticed by the others.]
Gandalf: Well, what does it matter? He's back.
Thorin: It matters. I want to know, why did you come back?
Bilbo: Look, I know you doubt me. I know- I know you always have. And you're right, I often think of Bag-End. I miss my books. And my armchair, and my garden. See, that's where I belong. That's home. And that's why I came back. Because... you don't have one. A home. It was taken from you. But I will help you take it back if I can.