Hitch 2005 quotes, page 2

Sara

Why don't you go hit a titty bar with your buddy, Vance?

Hitch

...Wow, I don't believe this... That's your source?

Sara

You buried yourself, Alex.

Hitch

Then you weren't listening.

Sara

I heard every word. You're a scam artist. You trick women into getting...

Hitch

... Into getting out of their own way so great guys like Albert Brennaman have a fighting chance.

Ok...

Hitch

No, no, I want -— [gestures at speed-dating scene] I want everybody to take a look at this right now! Because this — this right here — this is exactly why falling in love is so goddamn hard!

Sir, let's go. Now.

Hitch

And Vance Munson is a pig! And I refused to work with him. You need to get your facts right. It's because of jerks like him that I even have a job! Had a job.

Sara

Can you believe that guy?

Casey

Actually... I do.

Vance

No, I was told that you help guys get in there.

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

Right, but see, here's the thing - my clients actually *like* women. "Hit it and quit it" is not my thing.

Vance

Let me make one thing clear to you, rabbi, I need professional help.

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

Well, *that* is for damn certain.

Vance

You see what I'm doing? This is what I'm about - power suit, power tie, power steering. People can wince, cry, beg, but eventually they do what I want.

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

Oh! So that's, like, a metaphor?

Vance

Oh, yeah.

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

Right. Well, see, I'm more of a literal kind of guy. So when I do this... [he reverses the grip, twists Vance's arm back and slams him on the table]

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

This is more like me saying that I will literally *break your shit off* if you ever touch me again. Mmk, pumpkin?

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

What you got there?

Albert

This? I figured maybe if my heart stops beating, it wouldn't hurt so much.

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

Basic Principles - no woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" Now, she might say "This is a really bad time for me," or something like "I just need some space," or my personal favorite "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? 'Cause she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying! It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly "Try harder, stupid," but which one is it? 60% of all human communication is nonverbal body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you! She's a nice person! She doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else she going to say? She doesn't even know you... yet. Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles - no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom.

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? But here I am, Sarah, falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly... is you.

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

Begin each day as if it were on purpose.

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

Begin each day like it was on purpose.

Sara

Can you believe what a beautiful day it is?

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

Do you know the definition of "perseverance," Miss Melas? Continuing in a course of action... without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure.

Sara

Give me a ring... sometime. [Laughs] I mean, on the phone.

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

I saw that going differently in my mind.

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

I'm a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?

Alex "Hitch" Hitchens

I'm like a vault baby, locked down!

Albert

I've waited my entire life to be this miserable.