N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #


Fargo quotes

61 total quotes

Carl Showalter
Jerry Lundegaard
Marge Gunderson
Multiple Characters
Opening Text
Wade Gustafson

View Quote Customer: We sat here right in this room and went over this and over this!
Jerry: Yeah, but that TruCoat--
Customer: I sat right here and said I didn't want no TruCoat!
Jerry: Yeah, but I'm sayin', that TruCoat, you don't get it and you get oxidization problems. It'll cost you a heck of lot more'n five hundred--
Customer: You're sittin' here, you're talkin' in circles! You're talkin' like we didn't go over this already!
Jerry: Yeah, but this TruCoat--
Customer: We had us a deal here for nine-teen-five. You sat there and darned if you didn't tell me you'd get this car, these options, without the sealant, for nine-teen-five!
Jerry: All right, I'm not sayin' I didn't--
Customer: You called me twenty minutes ago and said you had it! Ready to make delivery, ya says! Come on down and get it! And here ya are and you're wastin' my time and you're wastin' my wife's time and I'm payin' nineteen-five for this vehicle here!
Jerry: All right. I'll talk to my boss. See, they install that TruCoat at the factory, there's nothin' we can do, but I'll talk to my boss.
[Jerry leaves the room]
Customer: [to his wife] These guys here--these guys! It's always the same! It's always more!
[Other room]
Jerry: You goin' to the Gophers on Sunday?
Salesman: Oh you betcha.
Jerry: You wouldn't happen to have an extra ticket?
Salesman: You kiddin'!
[Jerry returns to his office]
Jerry: Well, he never done this before. But seeing as it's special cir****stances and all, he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that Trucoat.
Customer: One hundred--You lied to me, Mr Lundegaard. You're a bald-faced liar. A ****ing liar.
Customer's Wife: Bucky, please.
Customer: Where's my god damn check book? Let's get this over with.
View Quote Female Escort: So, you from around here?
Carl: Just in town on business. Just in and out. A little of the old in-and-out!
Female Escort: What do ya do?
Carl: Have ya been to the Celebrity Room before? With other, uh, clients?
Female Escort: I don't think so. It's nice.
Carl: Yeah, well, it depends on the artist. You know, Jose Feliciano, ya got no complaints. Waiter! What is he deaf? So, how long you been with the escort service?
Female Escort: I don't know, a few months.
Carl: Find that work interesting, do ya?
Female Escort: What're ya talkin' about?
View Quote Grimsrud: Shut the **** up or I'll throw you back in the trunk, you know.
Carl: Geez. That's more than I've heard you say all week.
View Quote Grimsrud: Where is Pancakes House?
Carl: What?
Grimsrud: We stop at Pancakes House.
Carl: What are ya, nuts? We had pancakes for breakfast. I want to go somewhere I can get a shot and a beer, and a steak, maybe. No more ****in' pancakes, C'mon, man. C'mon, man! Okay, here's an idea. We'll stop outside of Brainerd. I know a place there we can get laid. What do ya think?
Grimsrud: I'm ****in' hungry now, you know!
Carl: Yeah, yeah. Jesus. I was just saying we could stop, get pancakes, and get laid.
View Quote Jerry: [answers the phone] Yeah?
Carl: All right, Jerry, I'm through ****ing around. You got the ****ing money?
Jerry: Yeah, I got the money, but, uh--
Carl: Don't you ****ing but me, Jerry. I want you with this money on the Dayton-Radisson parking ramp, top level, thirty minutes, and we'll wrap this up.
Jerry: Yeah, okay, but, uh--
Carl: You're there in thirty minutes or I find you, Jerry, and I shoot you, and I shoot your ****ing wife, and I shoot all your little ****ing children, and I shoot 'em all in the back of their little ****ing heads. Got it?
Jerry: Okay, now you stay away from Scotty now.
Carl: Got it?!
Jerry: Okay. Real good then.
View Quote Jerry: How ya doin' there, Stan? How are ya, Wade?
Stan Grossman: Good to see ya again, Jerr'. If these numbers are right, this looks pretty sweet.
Jerry: Oh, those numbers are right, all right. Believe me.
Wade: This is do-able.
Stan Grossman: Congratulations, Jerry.
Jerry: Yeah, thanks, Stan, it's a pretty--
Wade: What kind of finder's fee were you looking for?
Jerry: Huh?
Stan Grossman: The financials are pretty thorough, so the only thing we don't know is your fee.
Jerry: My fee? Wade, what the heck are you talkin' about?
Wade: Stan and I are okay.
Jerry: Yeah.
Wade: We're good to loan in.
Jerry: Yeah.
Wade: But we never talked about your fee for bringin' it to us.
Jerry: No, but, Wade, see, I was bringin' you this deal for you to loan me the money to put in. It's my deal here, see?
Stan Grossman: Jerry, we thought you were bringin' us an investment.
Jerry: Yeah, right.
Stan Grossman: You're sayin'... What're you sayin'?
Wade: You're sayin' that we put in all the money and you collect when it pays off?
Jerry: No, no. I--I 'd, pay you back the principal, and interest. Heck, I'd go one over prime?
Stan Grossman: We're not a bank, Jerry.
Wade: What the heck, Jerry, if I wanted bank interest on seven hundred fifty thousand I'd go to Midwest Federal. Talk to Bill Diehl.
Stan Grossman: He's at Norstar.
Wade: He's at--
Jerry: No, see, I don't need a finder's fee, I need a finder's fee's, what, ten percent, heck that's not gonna do it for me. I need the principal!
Stan Grossman: Jerry, we're not just going to give you seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
Wade: What the heck were you thinkin'? Heck, if I'm only gettin' bank interest, I'd look for complete security. Heck, FDIC. I don't see nothin' like that here.
Jerry: Yeah, but I--Okay, I would, I'd guarantee ya your money back.
Wade: I'm not talkin' about your damn word, Jerry. Geez, what the heck are you--?
Stan Grossman: We're not a bank, Jerry.
Wade: Well, look, I don't want to cut you out of the loop, but this here's a good deal. I assume, if you're not interested, you won't mind if we move on it independently.
View Quote Jerry: I'm, uh, Jerry Lundegaard.
Carl: You're Jerry Lundegaard?
Jerry: Yah, Shep Proudfoot said--
Carl: Shep said you'd be here at 7:30. What gives, man?
Jerry: Shep said 8:30.
Carl: We been sitting here an hour. He's peed three times already.
Jerry: I'm terribly sorry. Shep told me 8:30. It was a mix-up, I guess.
Carl: You got the car?
Jerry: Yeah, you bet. It's in the lot there. Brand-new burnt umber Ciera.
Carl: Yeah, okay. Well, sit down then. I'm Carl Showalter and this is my associate Gaear Grimsrud.
Jerry: Yeah, how ya doin'? So, we all set on this thing, then?
Carl: Sure, Jerry, we're all set. Why wouldn't we be?
Jerry: Yeah, no, I'm sure you are. Shep vouched for you and all. I got every confidence in you fellas. So I guess that's it, then. Here are the keys--
Carl: No, that's not it, Jerry.
Jerry: Huh?
Carl: The new vehicle, plus forty thousand dollars.
Jerry: Yeah, but the deal was, the car first, see, then the forty thousand, like as if it was the ransom. I thought Shep told ya--
Carl: Shep didn't tell us much, Jerry.
Jerry: Well, okay--
Carl: Except that you were gonna be here at 7:30.
Jerry: Yeah, well, that was a mix-up, then.
Carl: Yeah, you already said that.
Jerry: Yeah. But it's not a whole pay-in-advance deal. I give you a brand-new vehicle in advance and--
Carl: I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry.
Jerry: Okay.
Carl: I'm not gonna sit here and debate. I will say this though: what Shep told us didn't make a whole lot of sense.
Jerry: Oh, no, it's real sound. It's all worked out.
Carl: You want your own wife kidnapped?
Jerry: Yeah.
Carl: You--my point is, you pay the ransom what eighty thousand bucks? I mean, you give us half the ransom, forty thousand, you keep half. It's like robbing Peter to play Paul, it doesn't make any sense.
Jerry: Okay, see, it's not me payin' the ransom. The thing is, my wife, she's wealthy. Her dad, he's real well off. Now, I'm in a bit of trouble--
Carl: What kind of trouble are you in, Jerry?
Jerry: Well, that's, that's, I'm not go into, into--see, I just need money. Now, her dad's real wealthy--
Carl: So why don't you just ask him for the money?
Grimsrud: Or your ****ing wife, you know.
Carl: Or your ****ing wife, Jerry.
Jerry: Well, it's all just part of this--They don't know I need it, see. Okay, so there's that. And even if they did, I wouldn't get it. So there's that on top, then. See, these're personal matters.
Carl: Personal matters?
Jerry: Yeah. Personal matters that needn't, uh--
Carl: Okay, Jerry. You're tasking us to perform this mission, but you, you won't, uh, you won't. Aw, **** it, let's take a look at that Ciera.
View Quote Jerry: They said no cops--they were darned clear on that.
Stan Grossman: We gotta protect Jean. These--we're not holding any cards here, Wade. They got 'em all, so they call the shots.
Jerry: You're darned tootin'!
View Quote Jerry: Wade, have ya had a chance to think about, uh, that deal I was talkin' about, those forty acres there on Wayzata?
Wade: You told me about it.
Jerry: Yeah, you said you'd have a think about it. I understand it's a lot of money--
Wade: A heck of a lot. What'd you say you were gonna put there?
Jerry: A lot. It's a limited--
Wade: I know it's a lot.
Jerry: I mean a parking lot.
Wade: Yeah, well, seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot.
Jerry : Yeah, well, it's a chunk, but--
Wade: I used to own a lot myself way back in the late '50's. It's a lotta money.
Jerry: Yeah, well--
Wade: I thought you were gonna show it to Stan Grossman. He passes on this stuff before it gets kicked up to me.
Jerry: Well, you know Stan'll say no dice. That's why you pay him. I'm askin' you here, Wade. This could work out real good for me and Jean and Scotty.
Wade: Jean and Scotty'll never have to worry.
View Quote Lou: [voice from cop scanner] His wife. This guy says she was kidnapped last Wednesday.
Marge: The day of our homicides.
Lou: Yah.
Marge: And this guy is who?
Lou: Lundegaard's father-in-law's accountant.
Marge: Gustafson's accountant.
Lou: Yah.
Marge: But we still haven't found Gustafson.
Lou: [crackle] Looking--
Marge: Sorry, didn't copy that Lou.
Lou: Still missing. We're looking.
Marge: Copy. And Lundegaard too.
Lou: Yah. Where are ya, Margie?
Marge: Oh, I'm almost back. I'm driving around Moose Lake.
Lou: Oh. Gary's loudmouth.
Marge: Yah, the loudmouth. So the whole state has it, huh. Lundegaard and Gustafson?
Lou: Yah, it's over the wire, it's everywhere, they'll find 'em.
Marge: Copy.
Lou: We've got a--
Marge: There's the car! There's the car!
Lou: Whose car?
Marge: My car! My car! Tan Ciera! Tan Ciera!
View Quote Lou: The last vehicle that the trooper cited was a tan Ciera at 2:18 am. Under the plate number, he put DLR--I figure they stopped him or shot him before he could finish fillin' out the tag number. So I got the state lookin' for a Ciera with a tag startin' DLR. They don't got no match yet.
Marge: I'm not sure that I agree with you a hundred percent on your policework there, Lou.
Lou: Yeah?
Marge: Yah. I think that vehicle there probably had dealer plates. DLR?
Lou: Oh geez.
Marge: Say Lou. Did ya hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J3L 2404?
Lou: Yeah, that's a good one.
View Quote Marge: Mr. Lundegaard? Sorry to bother you again. Can I come in?
Jerry: Yah, no, I'm kinda--I'm kinda busy here.
Marge: I understand. I'll keep it real short, then. I'm on my way out of town, but I was just--Do you mind if I sit down? I'm carrying a bit of a load here.
Jerry: No, I--
Marge: Yah, it's this vehicle I asked you about yesterday. I was just wondering--
Jerry: Yah, like I told ya, we haven't had any vehicles go missing.
Marge: Okay, are you sure, cause, I mean, how do you know? Because, see, the crime I'm investigating, the perpetrators were driving a car with dealer plates. And they called someone who works here, so it'd be quite a coincidence if they weren't, ya know, 'connected'.
Jerry: Yah, I see.
Marge: So how do you--have you done any kind of inventory recently?
Jerry: The car's not from our lot, ma'am.
Marge: But do you know that for sure without--
Jerry: Well, I would know. I'm the Executive Sales Manager!
Marge: Yah, but--
Jerry: We run a pretty tight ship here.
Marge: I understand. Do you do a count, or what kind of a routine do you have here?
Jerry: Ma'am, I answered your question!
Marge: I'm sorry, sir?
Jerry: Ma'am, I answered your question. I answered the darned--I'm cooperatin' here! And, I--
Marge: Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me, I'm just doing my job here.
Jerry: I'm... I'm not arguing here! I'm cooperating. So there's no need to--we're doin' all we can here.
Marge: Sir, could I talk to Mr. Gustafson?
[Jerry stares at her]
Marge: Mr. Lundegaard?
Jerry: Well, heck, if you wanna--if you wanna play games here! I'm workin' with ya on this thing, but I--Okay, I'll do a damned lot count!
Marge: Sir? Right now?
[Jerry puts on his coat and hat]
Jerry: Yeah, right now, you're darned tootin'! If it's so damned imporant to ya!
Marge: Well, I'm sorry sir.
Jerry: Ah, what the Christ!
[Jerry leaves, then is seen driving away]
Marge: Oh for Pete's sake, he's fleeing the interview! He's fleeing the interview!
View Quote Marge: Mr. Lundegaard?
Jerry: Huh? Yeah?
Marge: I wonder if I could take just a minute of your time here--
Jerry: What--What is it all about?
Marge: Huh? Do you mind if I sit down? I'm carrying quite a load here. You're the owner here, Mr. Lundegaard?
Jerry: Naw, I--Executive Sales Manager.
Marge: Well, you can help me. My name's Marge Gunderson--
Jerry: My father-in-law, he's the owner.
Marge: Okay. Well, I'm a police officer from up Brainerd investigating some malfeasance and I was just wondering if you've had any new vehicles stolen off the lot in the past couple of weeks? Specifically a tan Cutlass Ciera?
[Jerry looks at her]'
Marge: Mr. Lundegaard?
Jerry: Brainerd?
Marge: Yeah. Yeah. Home a Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox.
Jerry: Babe the Blue Ox. [laughs]
Marge: Yeah, ya know we've got the big statue there. So you haven't had any vehicles go missing, then?
Jerry: Nope. No, ma'am.
Marge: Okey-dokey, thanks a bunch. I'll let you get back to your paperwork, then.
View Quote Marge: Okay, I want you to tell me what these fellas looked like.
Hooker #1: Well, the little guy, he was kinda funny-looking.
Marge: In what way?
Hooker #1: I dunno, just funny-lookin'.
Marge: Can you be any more specific?
Hooker #1: I couldn't really say. He wasn't cir****cised.
Marge: Was he funny lookin' apart from that?
Hooker #1: Yeah.
Marge: So, you were having sex with the little fella, then?
Hooker #1: Uh-huh.
Marge: Is there anything else you can tell me about him?
Hooker #1: No. Like I say, he was funny lookin'. More n' most people even.
Marge: And what about the other fella?
Hooker #2: He was a little older. Looked like the Marlboro man.
Marge: Yeah?
Hooker #2: Yeah. Maybe I'm sayin' that cause he smoked Marlboros.
Marge: Uh-huh.
Hooker #2: A subconscious-type thing.
Marge: Yeah, that can happen.
Hooker #2: Yeah.
Hooker #1: They said they were goin' to the Twin Cities?
Marge: Oh, yeah?
Hooker #2: Yeah!
Hooker #1: Yeah. Is that useful to ya?
Marge: Oh, you betcha, yeah.
View Quote Marge: Okay, so we got a trooper pulls someone over, we got a shooting. These folks drive by, there's a high-speed pursuit, ends here, and then this execution-type deal. I'd be very surprised if our suspect was from Brainerd.
Lou: Yeah.
Marge: And I'll tell you what, from his footprint he looks like a big fella.
[Marge bends over]
Lou: See somethin' down there, Chief?
Marge: Oh, I just think I'm gonna barf.
Lou: Geez. You okay there, Margie?
Marge: Yah, I'm fine. [She stands up straight] It's just morning sickness. Well, that passed.
Lou: Oh yeah?
Marge: Yeah, now I'm hungry again.