Ed Wood quotes

View Quote Ed: These Baptists are... stupid, stupid, STUPID!

View Quote Bela Lugosi: I'm seventy, but I don't know it. When the mind is young, the spirit is still vigorous, like... [puts an arm around Ed] like a young man.

View Quote Ed Wood: Boy, Mister Lugosi, you must lead such an exciting life! When is your next picture coming out?
Bela: I have no next picture.
Ed: You gotta be joking. A big star like you? You must have dozens of 'em lined up.
Bela: In the old days, yes. Now, no one gives two ****s for Bela.

View Quote Minister: Welcome, brother! Do you reject Satan and all his works?
Bunny Breckinridge: Sure.
[Sputtering, newly baptized Bunny joins Ed at poolside.]
Bunny: How do you do it? How do you get all your friends to get baptized, just so you can make a monster movie?
Ed Wood: It's not a monster movie, it's a supernatural thriller.

View Quote Bela Lugosi: This... this live television is madness!

View Quote Criswell: Can your heart stand the true facts of the shocking story... of Edward D. Wood, Junior? [from opening monologue]

View Quote Weiss: On the phone you said you had some "special qualifications"?
Ed: Mister Weiss... I have never told anyone what I'm about to tell you. But I really want this job. [pauses, takes a deep breath] I like to wear women's clothing.
Weiss: You're a fruit?
Ed: No, not at all. I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.
Weiss: You're not a fruit?
Ed: No, I'm all man. I even fought in W.W. Two. Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.

View Quote [Ed, dressed in drag for a scene as Glenda, addresses his crew on the first day of filming.]
Ed Wood: Everybody, we're about to embark on quite a journey: four days of hard work. But when it's over, we'll have a picture that'll entertain, enlighten, and maybe even move millions of people.

View Quote [Ed and Bela are watching Vampira's TV show.]
Ed Wood: Oh, I hate it when she interrupts the picture. She doesn't show 'em the proper respect.
Bela Lugosi: I think she's a honey. Look at those jugs!

View Quote [Bela is doing his trademark "hypnotic" hand gesture.]
Ed Wood: My gosh, Bela, how do you do that?
Bela Lugosi: You must be double-jointed. And you must be Hungarian.

View Quote Ed: You know, you're, you're much scarier in real life than you are in the movies.
Bela: Thank you.

View Quote Ed Wood: Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go out some time. Grab some dinner, maybe.
Vampira: You mean a date? I thought you were a ****.
Ed: No, no. I'm just a transvestite.

View Quote Ed Wood: Now, what is the one thing, if you put it in a movie, it'll be successful?
George Weiss: Tits.
Ed: No, better than that. A star!
Weiss: Kid, you must have me confused with David Selznick. I don't make major motion pictures, I make crap.
Ed: Yes — but if you take that crap and put a star in it, then you've got something!
Weiss: Yeah. Crap with a star.

View Quote [Bela Lugosi is trying on coffins.]
Bela Lugosi: Too constrictive! I can't even fold my arms.
Coffin Salesman: Gee, Mister Lugosi, I-I've never had any complaints.
Bela: This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in. Your selection is quite shoddy. You are wasting my time!

View Quote [Ed, Dolores, and Bunny are at a professional wrestling show.]
Bunny Breckinridge: Guess where I'm going next week.
Ed Wood: I don't know. Where?
Bunny: Me-hee-co. Guess what I'm doing when I get there.
Ed: I don't know — lie on a beach.
Bunny: Wrong. I'm getting my first series of hormone injections. And when those girls kick in, they're gonna take out my organs and make me... a woman.
Ed: Are you serious?
Bunny: It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. But it wasn't until I saw your movie that I realized I have to take action! Goodbye, penis!
Dolores Fuller: Would you please keep it down?