Yūsuke Kafuku quotes from Drive My Car (2021)

Yūsuke Kafuku

We must keep on living.

Oto Kafuku

From time to time, she starts sneaking into Yamaga's house.

Yūsuke Kafuku

Yamaga?

Oto Kafuku

The name of her first love. He's a high school classmate. He's not aware of her love for him. She doesn't want him to know, so that's OK with her. But she wants to know more about him. She wants to know everything about him without letting him know about her.

Yūsuke Kafuku

So she sneaks in.

Oto Kafuku

Right. While he's attending classes, she feigns illness and leaves early. Yamaga's an only child and his dad's an office worker. His mom's a schoolteacher. So the girl knows there's nobody at home during the day.

Yūsuke Kafuku

How does she sneak in? She's just an ordinary teenager.

Oto Kafuku

She takes a guess and searches under a potted plant by the front door. There's a key.

Yūsuke Kafuku

What a careless family.

Oto Kafuku

She uses it to let herself into the house. She goes upstairs and opens a door. The number on the soccer uniform on a hanger tells her it's his room. The room is tidy for a 17-year-old boy, and she senses that he has controlling parent, his mom in particular. She breathes in. She listens carefully. She hears silence. An amplified silence, like the sound through a hearing aid, fills the room. She lies down on Yamaga's bed. She holds back the urge to masturbate.

Yūsuke Kafuku

Why? The limits of a television drama?

Oto Kafuku

No. She has her own set of rules. Things she'll allow or won't allow herself to do.

Yūsuke Kafuku

She can sneak into his house, but not masturbate there.

Oto Kafuku

Right.

Mr. Kafuku. I'm empty. There's nothing inside me. About the text questioning me... . I think I felt with Oto's screenplays. I came here because I want to feel it again. So... that bit about Oto bringing us together is true after all. I finally understand.

Yūsuke Kafuku

Oto and I...

Yes...

Yūsuke Kafuku

We had a daughter. She died from pneumonia when she was four. She'd be 23 if she were alive. Our daughter's death marked the end of our happy times. Oto quit acting. I quit working in TV and returned to theater. Oto was letargic for years. But then she suddenly began writing stories one day. No, she began telling them. Her first story... was born after having sex with me. She suddenly started narrating it after having sex. But the next morning, her memory was foggy. I remembered it all, so I told her. She wrote a script based on it and sent it to a contest. It won an award and launched her career as a screenwriter. "That" would strike her at times after sex. She'd tell it to me and make me remember it. The next morning, I'd tell her. She'd take notes. Eventually that became our custom. Sex and her stories were strongly connected. Even if it didn't seem like it. She'd grasp a thread of a story from the edge of orgasm and spin it. That's how she used to write. Not all the time. But whenever her career hit a wall, "that" would strike. Those stories became a bond that helped us overcome our child's death. I think we were a compatible couple. We needed each other to get through life. Everyday living and our sex life were very fulfilling. At least they were for me. But... Oto saw other men. [on Misake] She's fine, don't worry. Oto slept with other men. Not just one. Probably with the actors who were cast in the dramas she wrote. Each relationship ended with the drama, and another would begin another drama started.

Do you have evidence?

Yūsuke Kafuku

I've witnessed them before. She sometimes brought them into our home. Even so, I've never doubted her love for me. There was no doubt. Oto betrayed me so naturally while she loved me. We were definitely deeply bonded more so than anyone. Still, she contained within her a spot that I couldn't look into, where something had swirled.

Didn't you ever ask her about any of this?

Yūsuke Kafuku

What I feared most was losing her. If she found out I knew, we wouldn't have been able to mantain our balance.

Isn't it possible that she wanted you to hear her out?

Yūsuke Kafuku

Did Otto tell you something?

May I tell you a story she told me?

Yūsuke Kafuku

Yes.

It's a very mysterious tale. A high school girl sneaks into the home of a boy she likes.

Yūsuke Kafuku

I've heard that one, too. The girl who was formerly a lamprey.

Right. She sneaks in multiple times and leaves a token of herself each time.

Yūsuke Kafuku

One day, she starts masturbating on Yamaga's bed. Someone comes home, but the story ends without telling who it was.

No. It doesn't end there.

Yūsuke Kafuku

You know what happens next?

Yes.

Yūsuke Kafuku

Who was it, then? Who came up the stairs?

Another intruder.

Yūsuke Kafuku

Another one?

Yes. It wasn't Yamaga, or his father, or his mother. Just a burglar. The burglar finds her half naked in the room and attempts to rape her. She takes a pen lying around and stabs the man in the left eye. She struggles desperately, and stabs the pen in his temple, in his neck, over and over. She notices the man has gone limp. She has killed the burglar. She washes the blood off in the shower and goes home. The token she left on Yamaga's room that day was the burglar's corpse. The next morning, she goes to school prepared to confess everything to Yamaga and face his judgment. But Yamaga looks the same as usual at school that day. She sees him play soccer after school seemingly carefree as always. Things are the same the next day. Nothing has changed. What became of that body in Yamaga's house? Did she just imagined what happened? She goes to Yamaga's house, but nothing seems out of the ordinary. Except for one thing... A surveillance camera has been set up by the front door. To not appear guilty, she walks past his house without stopping. Something terrible had happened and she was to blame, but the world seemed serene as if nothing had changed. However, the world had definitely changed to something sinister. She turns back. "I must take responsibility for what I've done. I can't pretend it didn't happen. Because it definitely happened. I definitely killed that man." She searches under the planter, but the key is no longer there. She stares at the surveillance camera. Because it's the only change she has elicited in this world. She looks into the lens repeats her words over and over. Clearly, so that she's understood. "I killed him! I killed him! I killed him!" This is as far as I know. Maybe the tale ends there, or maybe it continues. The story leaves a bad taste, but even so, when I heard it from her, I felt that Oto had handed me something important. Mr. Kafuku. As far as I know, Oto was a really lovely woman. Of course, what I know must be a tiny fraction of what you know about her. But I still think so with certainty. You lived with such a lovely person for over 20 years, and you should be grateful about that. That's my opinion. But even if you think you know someone well, even if you love that person deeply, you can't completely look into that person's heart. You'll just feel hurt. But if you put in enough effort, you should be able to look into your own heart pretty well. So in the end, what we should be doing is to be true to our hearts and come to terms with it in a capable way. If you really want to look at someone, then your only option is to look at yourself squarely and deeply. That's what I think.

Yūsuke Kafuku

The day Oto died she asked before I left if we could talk when I got home. Her tone was gentle but determined. I had no plans that day, but kept on driving. I couldn't go home. I thought that once I went home, we would never be the same again. I found her collapsed when I returned late at night. I called an ambulance but she never regained conciousness. What if I'd gone home a bit earlier? I think so every day.

Misaki Watari

I killed my mother. When the landslide crushed our home, I was inside too. I was able to crawl out from the fallen house. After escaping, I gazed at the half-collapsed house for a while. Then some more debris came falling and completely destroyed it. My mother was found dead under the debris. I knew she was still in the house. I don't know why I didn't call for help, or why I didn't save her. I hated her, but that wasn't the only thing I felt about her. This scar on my cheek is from that accident. I was told surgery could make it less conspicuous, but I don't feel like erasing it.

Yūsuke Kafuku

If I were your father, I'd hold you round the shoulders and say, "It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong". But I can't say that. You killed your mother, and I killed my wife.

Misaki Watari

Mr. Kafuku. About Oto... It would be hard for you to accept her, everything about her, as genuine? Maybe there was nothing mysterious about her. Would it be hard to think that she was simply like that? That she loved you dearly and that she sought other men constantly don't seem to contradict each other or sound deceptive to me. Is that strange? I'm sorry.

Yūsuke Kafuku

I... should have been hurt properly. I let something genuine slip by. I was so deeply hurt. To the point of distraction. But because of that I pretended not to notice it. I didn't listen to myself. So I lost Oto. Forever. Now I see. I want to see Oto. If I do, I want to yell at her. Berate her. For lying to me all the time. I want to apologize. For not listening. For not being strong. I want her back. I want her to live. I want to talk to her just once more. I want to see her. But it's too late. There's no turning back. There's nothing I can do.

Oto Kafuku

One day, she remembers her previous existence.

Yūsuke Kafuku

You mean that girl who sneaks in?

Oto Kafuku

She used to be a lamprey in her previous life.

Yūsuke Kafuku

A lamprey?

Oto Kafuku

She didn't leech off the fish that passed overhead like other lampreys do. She fastened her suction cup-like mouth to a rock on the riverbed and did nothing but sway there. Until she wasted away and really became like riverweed, she clung to the rock. She doesn't remember how she died. Did she starve to death? Was she eaten by other fish? All she remembers is swaying at the bottom of the river. In Yamaga's room, she suddenly understands. What she's doing here is the same. She can't tear herself away from his room, just like how she clung to a rock. Come to think of it, the silence in this room is very similar to underwater. Time stands still. Past and present fade away. And she... becomes a lamprey again. She begins to masturbate on Yamaga's bed. She strips off all her clothes one layer at a time. [she removes her own clothes while on top of her husband] She'd forbidden herself from doing it, but now she can't stop. Tears fall, wetting the pillow. She thinks that those tears are her token for today. Just then, someone comes home. A door opens downstairs. She notices then that it's starting to get dark outside the window. Is it Yamaga? Or his father? His mother? She hears that person coming up the stairs. It's over. But now, she can stop at last. At last, it'll all end. She can finally escape the karmic fate from her prior life. She'll become a new person. The door opens.

Misaki Watari

My mother had a separate personality named Sachi.

Yūsuke Kafuku

Sachi?

Misaki Watari

Yes. She first appeared when I was 14. She said she was 8 years old but she never aged in 4 years. Sachi often appeared when my mother beat me up terribly. It was her like her awareness didn't match the body of an adult, so she couldn't move well. She'd try to walk but fall over, and would end up just sitting still. Sachi liked puzzled rings. We did crosswords together. Sachi cried a lot for no reason. Whenever she did, I'd hold her and rub her back over and over. I liked those times. The last beautiful thing in my mother was condensed in Sachi. Sachi was my only friend. I don't know if my mother was mentally ill, or if she was acting to keep me close to her. But even if she were acting, it was from the bottom of her heart. Becoming Sachi was my mother's way of surviving a harsh reality, I think. When that landslide occurred, I knew that my mother's death it meant that Sachi would die, too. Even so... I didn't move.

I actually sometimes do a search on your name online. That's how I found this audition, and that day was the deadline. Isn't that amazing?

Yūsuke Kafuku

Why are you interested in me?

I really liked acting out Oto's screenplays. Saying her lines made me happy.

Yūsuke Kafuku

My theater projects and Oto's screenplays are different things.

Yes. But when I saw your play that time, I felt that what you two were doing were the same, albeit in different ways.

Yūsuke Kafuku

How so?

Tough question. I get the feeling that you both value the finer details that people won't even notice. I actually like things like that. But I wouldn't have know if I hadn't acted out Oto's scripts. When I saw the casting call, I knew this was my only chance. I'm not sure if you know, but I'm working freelance now.

Yūsuke Kafuku

I know. Though in my case I didn't have to look you up.

Is that so. That's embarassing. How stupid.

Yūsuke Kafuku

You were a star.

No, I was framed.

Yūsuke Kafuku

Do you do things like that often?

Things like what?

Yūsuke Kafuku

With women you barely know.

Don't you?

Yūsuke Kafuku

No.

Lots of women must approach you, too.

Yūsuke Kafuku

All you have to do is say no.

I don't do it with just anybody, either. If you click and want to get to know her better... Not ever?

Yūsuke Kafuku

Sex isn't the only way to get to know someone.

But some things you can't know unless you do it.

Yūsuke Kafuku

Like what?

Like...

Yūsuke Kafuku

What's the matter?

Just that... Why am I talking to you about this? Oto must have been happy with a husband like you.

Yūsuke Kafuku

I wonder.

If you don't mind, could you tell me something about her?

Yūsuke Kafuku

Something about her?

How you two met, how she wrote her screenplays, everyday conversations. Anything.

Yūsuke Kafuku

Here's what you're thinking: "He and I share the same pain, because we loved the same woman."

Oh please. Mine was just an unrequited longing.

Yūsuke Kafuku

You were in love with her.

I don't deny it. She was lovely. Very much so.

Yūsuke Kafuku

Yeah.

So I'm jealous of you, Mr. Kafuku. Forgive me.

Yūsuke Kafuku

You're jealous of me?

Yūsuke Kafuku

Then she leaves an unused tampon in his room.

Oto Kafuku

A tampon?

Yūsuke Kafuku

That's what you said.

Oto Kafuku

That's so weird.

Yūsuke Kafuku

More so than usual. Can this adapted for TV?

Oto Kafuku

Don't worry. The producer said it's for an innovative late-night slot.

Yūsuke Kafuku

If you say so. So she takes out an unused tampon from her school bag and puts it in a drawer in his desk. What if his overprotective mom finds it? She feels a rush of excitement at the thought.

Oto Kafuku

She's kinky.

Yūsuke Kafuku

The tampon is a token indicating she was really there.

Oto Kafuku

A token.

Yūsuke Kafuku

She continues sneaking in from time to time after that. She's aware of the risks. She's the type of who is trusted by her parents and teachers, so a lot is at stake.

Oto Kafuku

Nevertheless, she can't stop.

Yūsuke Kafuku

She can't stop. She sniffs around in his room, longing for his slightest scent. She always takes a token from his room when she leaves. A pencil or something that he won't notice is gone. And in exchange, she leaves a toke of herself. At her most daring moment, she took off her underwear and put it deep in his chest of drawers. She feels that they are gradually mingling by exchanging such tokens. And that she is giving him the strength to escape his mother's control. That's it for today.

Oto Kafuku

I see. Want to know the rest?

Yūsuke Kafuku

Yeah, I do.

Oto Kafuku

Shall I wait, or shall I write it? Which?

Yūsuke Kafuku

You can still wait.

Oto Kafuku

Yeah. I want to know the rest, too.

Yūsuke Kafuku

You really don't know?

Oto Kafuku

I never do, do I?

Yūsuke Kafuku

Well, I thought maybe this time it was about your first love.

Oto Kafuku

Of course it's not.

About today... what happened? Between Janice and Yoon-A.

Yūsuke Kafuku

Only they know the answer to that. One thing I can say is that this text has the power to make that happen.

Mr. Kafuku, why aren't you playing Vanya yourself?

Yūsuke Kafuku

Chekhov is terrifying. When you say his lines, it drags out the real you. Don't you feel it? I can't bear that anymore. Which means I can no longer yield myself up to this role.

But then, why me? I feel out of place in this production. I'm not suited for this role. I'm sure the audience will feel the same way. When I auditioned, I was desperate and in shambles. I didn't know what I was doing. So why did you choose me?

Yūsuke Kafuku

Oto brought us together.

Please don't be glib. I'm serious. I came here to change myself.

Yūsuke Kafuku

You can't control yourself very well.

Right.

Yūsuke Kafuku

From a social standpoint, that's not good. But it's not necesarily a drawback for an actor. During your audition and our sessions, you weren't bad. You can yield yourself to your cast mate. Do the same to the text. Yield yourself and respond to the text.

Respond to it?

Yūsuke Kafuku

The text is questioning you. If you listen to it and respond, the same will happen to you.