Mr. Kafuku. I'm empty. There's nothing inside me. About the text questioning me... . I think I felt with Oto's screenplays. I came here because I want to feel it again. So... that bit about Oto bringing us together is true after all. I finally understand.
Yūsuke Kafuku
Oto and I...
Yes...
Yūsuke Kafuku
We had a daughter. She died from pneumonia when she was four. She'd be 23 if she were alive. Our daughter's death marked the end of our happy times. Oto quit acting. I quit working in TV and returned to theater. Oto was letargic for years. But then she suddenly began writing stories one day. No, she began telling them. Her first story... was born after having sex with me. She suddenly started narrating it after having sex. But the next morning, her memory was foggy. I remembered it all, so I told her. She wrote a script based on it and sent it to a contest. It won an award and launched her career as a screenwriter. "That" would strike her at times after sex. She'd tell it to me and make me remember it. The next morning, I'd tell her. She'd take notes. Eventually that became our custom. Sex and her stories were strongly connected. Even if it didn't seem like it. She'd grasp a thread of a story from the edge of orgasm and spin it. That's how she used to write. Not all the time. But whenever her career hit a wall, "that" would strike. Those stories became a bond that helped us overcome our child's death. I think we were a compatible couple. We needed each other to get through life. Everyday living and our sex life were very fulfilling. At least they were for me. But... Oto saw other men. [on Misake] She's fine, don't worry. Oto slept with other men. Not just one. Probably with the actors who were cast in the dramas she wrote. Each relationship ended with the drama, and another would begin another drama started.
Do you have evidence?
Yūsuke Kafuku
I've witnessed them before. She sometimes brought them into our home. Even so, I've never doubted her love for me. There was no doubt. Oto betrayed me so naturally while she loved me. We were definitely deeply bonded more so than anyone. Still, she contained within her a spot that I couldn't look into, where something had swirled.
Didn't you ever ask her about any of this?
Yūsuke Kafuku
What I feared most was losing her. If she found out I knew, we wouldn't have been able to mantain our balance.
Isn't it possible that she wanted you to hear her out?
Yūsuke Kafuku
Did Otto tell you something?
May I tell you a story she told me?
Yūsuke Kafuku
Yes.
It's a very mysterious tale. A high school girl sneaks into the home of a boy she likes.
Yūsuke Kafuku
I've heard that one, too. The girl who was formerly a lamprey.
Right. She sneaks in multiple times and leaves a token of herself each time.
Yūsuke Kafuku
One day, she starts masturbating on Yamaga's bed. Someone comes home, but the story ends without telling who it was.
No. It doesn't end there.
Yūsuke Kafuku
You know what happens next?
Yes.
Yūsuke Kafuku
Who was it, then? Who came up the stairs?
Another intruder.
Yūsuke Kafuku
Another one?
Yes. It wasn't Yamaga, or his father, or his mother. Just a burglar. The burglar finds her half naked in the room and attempts to rape her. She takes a pen lying around and stabs the man in the left eye. She struggles desperately, and stabs the pen in his temple, in his neck, over and over. She notices the man has gone limp. She has killed the burglar. She washes the blood off in the shower and goes home. The token she left on Yamaga's room that day was the burglar's corpse. The next morning, she goes to school prepared to confess everything to Yamaga and face his judgment. But Yamaga looks the same as usual at school that day. She sees him play soccer after school seemingly carefree as always. Things are the same the next day. Nothing has changed. What became of that body in Yamaga's house? Did she just imagined what happened? She goes to Yamaga's house, but nothing seems out of the ordinary. Except for one thing... A surveillance camera has been set up by the front door. To not appear guilty, she walks past his house without stopping. Something terrible had happened and she was to blame, but the world seemed serene as if nothing had changed. However, the world had definitely changed to something sinister. She turns back. "I must take responsibility for what I've done. I can't pretend it didn't happen. Because it definitely happened. I definitely killed that man." She searches under the planter, but the key is no longer there. She stares at the surveillance camera. Because it's the only change she has elicited in this world. She looks into the lens repeats her words over and over. Clearly, so that she's understood. "I killed him! I killed him! I killed him!" This is as far as I know. Maybe the tale ends there, or maybe it continues. The story leaves a bad taste, but even so, when I heard it from her, I felt that Oto had handed me something important. Mr. Kafuku. As far as I know, Oto was a really lovely woman. Of course, what I know must be a tiny fraction of what you know about her. But I still think so with certainty. You lived with such a lovely person for over 20 years, and you should be grateful about that. That's my opinion. But even if you think you know someone well, even if you love that person deeply, you can't completely look into that person's heart. You'll just feel hurt. But if you put in enough effort, you should be able to look into your own heart pretty well. So in the end, what we should be doing is to be true to our hearts and come to terms with it in a capable way. If you really want to look at someone, then your only option is to look at yourself squarely and deeply. That's what I think.
