Greg Heffley
OK, first of all, let me get something straight, this is a journal, not a diary. Yeah, I know what it says on the cover, but when my mom went out to buy this thing, I specifically told her not to buy the thing that says "diary" on it. This just proves that Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.
Bully
Sissy! [punches Greg]
Greg
The only reason why I agreed to write in this thing, is because one day, when I'm rich and famous, I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.
Reporter #1
Gregory! Tell us about your childhood!
Reporter #2
Were you always so smart and handsome?
Greg
Here's my journal. Now shoo, shoo.
Susan Heffley
That's our boy up there.
Frank Heffley
Why did I ever say no to him?
