Reporter
Are these people alive or dead?
Scenes with Media
20 scenes
Official
[pause]
We don't know.
Press Secreatry
The president has direct contact with the CDC and head of FEMA. No further quest-OH MY GOD!
The bleeding is not going to stop on its own. I need to suture his arm.
What are you, a **** doctor?
No, I'm a **** nurse.
Yeah? And how do you know they're not **** up like everybody else out there?
Well, for one thing, they're driving a truck. [Distant gunfire] Oh, and shooting guns.
[On the roof, some of the survivors are playing "Hollywood Squares" by having Andy shoot zombies who resemble celebrities.]
Oh, oh... uh, Rosie O'Donnell! Tell him to get Rosie.
Yeah, Rosie.
Nah, too easy. Give him something hard.
You guys had rough childhoods, didn't you? Kind of rocky?
Hey, sweetheart, let me tell you something. You, uh, you have my permission. If I ever turn into one of those things? Do me a favor. Blow my **** head off.
Oh, yeah, you can count on it.
Look, we just need a place--
Maybe you didn't hear me.
There is no place else.
Well, that's tough shit, 'cause this is our place, and you can't stay here.
Okay. Come out of there slowly, and hand your weapons to Bart and Terry.
Don't do it!
You must be out of your **** mind.
Then you can take your ass over to Quality Inn if it's still there, Shaq! Huh? Want to do that?
Whoa-whoa-whoa! Where do you think you're going?
She's not going anywhere alone.
Oh, "She's not going any --" This is a ****in' nursery school! Terry, go with 'em.
So, what's the plan?
The plan is, you drink a nice tall glass of shut-the-****-up!
You can't just turn them away, CJ. You'll kill them.
Tough shit. Self-defense.
Want to hear something that really sucks? You guys know that, that chick at Dairy Queen?
The fat one?
Yeah. She was coming over tonight. I would have tapped that shit for sure.
Bart -- dude, everybody's dead, okay? Your mom's dead. Your brother's dead. That fat chick at Dairy Queen… dead.
Yeah. That sucks too.
[Kenneth and Ana meet three other survivors traveling the opposite direction.]
You do not want to go that way.
What's that way?
Officer? Sir? You do not want to go that way.
What's that way?
It's pretty bad.
What about Fort Pastor?
Maybe if you had wings. The road's thick with those mother ****ers that way.
How do you know?
We just tried.
..Back when there were eight of us. [pause] We're going to the mall.
Now, you're the type of cat who goes to church and all that kind of shit, right?
Yeah. I do all that kind of shit.
So what you think, hmm? What is this? Is this the end of times? 'Cause if it is, I'm telling you, I'm ****. No, I'm serious. I've done some bad things in my life, man.
Oh, I get it. You saw hell yesterday, and now you're scared of going to hell for all the bad things you've done. I'll tell you what: go in the stall, say five Hail Marys, wipe your ass, and you and God can call it even.
Hey, my man... I hear you talking' a lot, you know, you're always saying' something... Who the **** are you, that we should listen? Were you, like, in a special ops unit? You in the marines? What the **** do you do?
I sell televisions at Best Buy.
Hey, officer! How do you like following a guy that sells TVs?
About as much as I like following a guy who steals them. I'm not following anyone. I'm going to Fort Pastor to get my brother.
That truck's not gonna make it to Fort Pastor.
No, forget it. That place is ****, man. Bloodbath city.
Norma We just came from there.
Is everyone there dead?
Dead-ish.
Is everyone there dead?!
Yeah, in the sense that they all sort of, uh, fell down, and then...got up, and...started eating each other.
It's nice to see you busting your ass.
Oh, that's sarcasm. That is so awesome. You know, I would love to help, but the captain never works alongside his men.
[Dangles his keys in front of Ana and Tucker and then makes a cracking sound, like a whip]
Well, you guys have a good one.
What a total dick.
Look, there's no point in arguing about this, all right? We need a solution. We-we need to get some food over there.
Okay, uh, I have an idea. We, uh, we draw straws, and the loser runs across the lot with a ham sandwich.
Could you be a bigger prick?
Probably, but that's irrelevant.
I ain't going anywhere without a gun.
You're not getting a gun.
Trust. The primary ingredient in any relationship.
Asshole.
