Most-quoted character in Conspiracy Theory (1997): in 27 of its 39 quotes
Most scenes with: Alice Sutton (6), Dr. Jonas (3)
A good conspiracy is unprovable. I mean, if you can prove it, it means they screwed up somewhere along the line.
Jerry Fletcher You know what they put in the water, don't you? Fluoride. Yeah, fluoride -- on the pretext that it strengthens your teeth! That's ridiculous. You know what that stuff does to you? It weakens your will, destroys your capacity for free and creative thought, and makes you a slave to the state!
Jerry Fletcher You ever wonder about these militia groups? Survivalist-type kooks on the right wing side? They say they're defending the country from U.N. troops. These guys are yelling so loud, my theory is that this is a conspiracy, pal -- they ARE the U.N. troops, and they're in place. The infrastructure's ready, it's a faith accompli. When the time comes, they'll just take over and we'll all be toast.
Jerry Fletcher Oswald. Yeah, Oswald, that's what I said, Oswald. I mean, he said, "I'm just a patsy." And that means he didn't do it, right?
Jerry Fletcher Websites, newsletters, uh, self-published manifestos... they think we're kooks!
Jerry Fletcher I am an American citizen, and I demand to see Alice Sutton.
Jerry Fletcher George Bush knew what he was doing when he said, "New World Order". Remember those three little words, "New World Order"? Well, he was a thirty-third degree Mason, you know, and as ex-head of the C.I.A., he knew saying that would send conspiratologists everywhere spinning, spinning their wheels. And then, then, th-they destroy their own credibility!
Jerry Fletcher Hey, don't get me wrong, Sister, I'm sure your heart's in the right place, okay? But somebody's gotta lift the scab, the festering scab, that is the Vatican. (to a nun riding in his cab)
Jerry Fletcher Is that one of those new hundreds? You know, where they changed the picture of Ben Franklin? Look at him, yeah. He looks like the love child of-of, uh, Fred Mertz and Rosie O'Donnell! Yeah, that's him, yeah. Get rid of it as soon as you can, lady. Look at it up in the light. You see that metal strip? That's a tracking device!
Jerry Fletcher Black helicopters, right? You've heard about them, black helicopters? Yeah, they're on, they're on whisper mode, so you can't hear 'em till they've already gone! You know?
Jerry Fletcher Why is this thing safe for me and not for my keys?
Jerry Fletcher I'm only paranoid because they want me dead.
Jerry Fletcher They, they start when you're young, you know, in school. They Baden-Powell all the boys and-and they Betty Crocker all the girls!
Jerry Fletcher You're after a man with no nose, not me! Not me!
Jerry Fletcher Alice? I... I'm sorry you're dead.
Jerry Fletcher It's on the tip of my brain.
Jerry Fletcher The sound of love.
Passenger Excuse me?
Jerry That, what you just did. [imitates sigh] That's love.
Passenger Love's just a pretty way of saying, "I want to sleep with you."
Jerry Admit it. I saw you kiss her. This is the street where love lives.
Passenger Love is bullshit.
Jerry Love give you wings. It makes you fly. I don't even call it love. I call it "Geronimo".
Passenger Geronimo?
Jerry Yeah, Geronimo. See, when you're in love, you'll jump off the Empire State and you won't care. Screaming, "Geronimo" all the way down. It's great.
Passenger Yeah, but then you'll die. You'll squash yourself. So what's the point?
Jerry Hey, aren't you listening? I'm telling you, man -- love gives you wings!
Passenger She must be some girl.
Flip [news vendor] Water main broke all the way up on 40th Street and 7th Avenue. They say the subway's a damn river.
Jerry Strange.
Flip What's up, Jerry? What you thinking?
Jerry Well... water mains don't usually break unless it's wintertime. The, uh, pipes burst open because it's cold. And.. it's only the First of October.
Flip Reminds me of life in the Delta.
Jerry Yeah. Mississippi, all right.
Flip Mekong, my friend. Mekong.
Jerry Hey, Flip... did I ever tell you that the whole Vietnam War was fought over a bet that Howard Hughes lost to Aristotle Onassis?
Jerry Fletcher I am an American citizen! I have a right to be here!
Officers! Officers, please! I'm Alice Sutton. I'll take it from here.
Jerry Hi, Alice.
You need to start making appointments.
Jerry Uh... can I make one now? Say, in a couple of minutes? I can wait if you're busy.
Come around.
...
I don't see the connection.
Jerry You don't see the connection? Come on. Six major earthquakes in the last three-and-a-half years, and the space shuttle up in orbit for every single one of 'em. Don't you think that's a little strange?
Testing some top-secret seismic weapon?
Jerry No, not testing. Using. Nukes are pass?. We're talking weapon of the future.
Okay, but I still don't see what it has to do with the president.
Jerry The president is in Europe at the moment, and tomorrow he'll be, uh, in Turkey. Right here, along this fault line. And they sent up a space shuttle yesterday.
Motive?
Jerry Motive? How about fifty billion dollars, how's that for a motive? The president's cutting funding for NASA, the milk-cow of the aerospace industry. And that's a lot of milk.
Um, so... you're telling me that NASA is going to kill the president of the United States with an earthquake
Jerry It's not the kind of thing a Secret Service agent can, like, just throw himself on top of, is it?
...
Now, I have to go. My boss is looking to yell at me.
Jerry Oh. Do you want me to talk to him? You know, smooth things out for you?
No, Jerry. I want you to go home, or wherever it is that you go. And I want you to make an appointment next time. Please? You can't just keep bursting in here.
Jerry That's... it's just what they'd be expecting me to do. If I make an appointment --
Jerry. I have a serious job here. I have a boss I must answer to. Do you understand that?
Jerry I'm sorry. You're right.
Use your common sense.
Jerry Okay. Okay, deal. So, are you gonna warn him?
Who?
Jerry The president.
I'm not gonna promise you anything, okay?
Jerry So, you guys must be spooks, right? Spooks? C.I.A.? Come on, say something. Please?
Jerry I was right! I was right! Uh... what was I right about?
Jerry I wasn't right about anything. I was wrong. I was wrong!
...
To whom have you been talking, Jerry?
Jerry Talking? I talk to all kinds of people. I mean, I drive a cab. I talk to people all day long.
Who else knows what we know?
Jerry What we... what do we know?
Jerry What? Tell me what. What do we know? What do we know? If I know what we know, then I could tell you what we know, and if someone else knows. Okay? I mean, it's... you gotta be more specific.
...
Jerry Wh-what is that?
Gravy for the brain.
Jerry No... not gravy!
Pardon me?
You were going to ask about my nose. A dog bit it. Poor animal is slated to be destroyed today.
And you feel sorry for it?
It was my dog.
...
He said a dog bit his nose.
Jerry Fletcher Arf.
Do you have any proof of this?
Jerry Fletcher No. Absolutely not. I mean, a good conspiracy is an unproveable one.
Is that supposed to protect you from aliens or something?
Jerry No, no. It's just a beer bottle.
Jerry Are… are you pretending?
Lowry Yes. Yes, okay.
Jerry Sorry.
Jerry David Berkowitz, Ted Bundy, Richard Speck…
What about them?
Jerry Serial killers. Serial killers only have two names, you ever notice that? But lone-gunman assassins, they always have three names. John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, Mark David Chapman…
John Hinckley. He shot Reagan. He only has two names.
Jerry Yeah, but he only just shot Reagan. Reagan didn't die. If Reagan had died, I'm pretty sure… we probably would all know what John Hinckley's middle name was.
Jerry Fletcher I love you.
Jerry, no, no, you don't love me.
Jerry Fletcher Sure I do.
No, no.
Jerry Fletcher I don't?
Jerry Fletcher Alice...
You shouldn't watch, Jerry. This is a moment without hope.
Jerry You've never seen her run.
