Nick Marshall quotes from What Women Want (2000)

You know what's the difference between a wife and a job? After fifteen years, a job still sucks.

There's way too much estrogen on TV these days.

"Nobody panic, this is supposed to be fun." Alright, I can do this, I'm a professional. [Reaches into the box and pulls out..] Lipstick, alright. Lipstick on a guy's collar? No, women will hate that. Lipstick on a guy's collar that won't rub off. No, that's much worse. Okay, I need to start thinking like a broad. [Closes his eyes] Alright, I'm a broad. I see lipstick...[Sniffs the lipstick] on a dark-haired Tahitian beauty standing under a waterfall, wearing nothing but a thong, and water cascading down her back- [His eyes shoot open] I'm a lesbian!

I'm a bitch, I'm a mother, I'm a brother, it's confusing, as I volumize my hair, and I am not aware...

Women are insane. Who would do that more than once? ...Why would they do the other leg?

Why do guys like to do it in front of a mirror? Because "objects appear larger than they actually are".

You know that whole deal about "penis envy"? Not true. No. Half of women don't even like it. You know who has penis envy? We do. That's why we cheat and we lie, because we're all obsessed with our own equipment!

You don't stand in front of a mirror before a run and wonder what the road will think of your outfit. You don't have to listen to its jokes and pretend that they're funny in order to run on it. It would not be easier to run if you dressed sexier. The road doesn't notice if you're not wearing lipstick, does not care how old you are. You do not feel uncomfortable because you make more money than the road. And you can call on the road whenever you feel like it, whether it's been a day or even a couple of hours since your last date. The only thing the road cares about...is that you pay it a visit once in a while. Nike: No games, just sports.

I don't want that to be it. I don't want that to be it at all.