First of all, we sneak in all quiet, like...
Fetcher [interrupting]
Like a fish!
Yeah, like a-- [pauses] Like a fish? You stupid Norbert.
Played by Phil Daniels 
Chicken Run (2000) · 55 quotes
Chicken Run (2000) · 55 quotes
Tied for 6th most-quoted character in Chicken Run (2000): in 9 of its 55 quotes
Most scenes with: Nick (9), Bunty (4), Ginger (2)
Scenes with Fetcher
9 scenes Fetcher [aboard the flying machine]
The exits are located here and here. In the quite likely event of a emergency, put your head between your knees--
Fetcher And kiss your bum goodbye!
Eggs from heaven.
Fetcher No, from her bum.
[Bunty, Babs and another hen sneak towards Hut 17 with knitted masks over them. Bunty bangs the door, and Ginger lets them in when she sees who it is, except for Babs, who stands there. Ginger then pulls Babs in by her wing]
Ohh!
Fetcher Fetcher.
At your service.
[Ginger comes out the door. Suddenly, she hears dogs barking and sees Mr Tweedy looking out the farmhouse window]
Over here!
Right you are, Miss! [opens a lunchbox and holds up a couple of thimbles] How about this quality, hand-crafted tea set?
Um, no...
Fetcher [holds up a drain plug on a chain]
Or this lovely necklace and pendant?
Well, it's lovely...
[holds up a badminton birdie]
Or how about this little number that's all the rage in the most fashionable coops in Paris. Simply pop it on like so... [pops it on Ginger's head, feathers side up so that she looks like an Indian] And as the French hens say, "Voilà!"
Fetcher That IS French.
And that's two hats in one, Miss. For parties... [turns the birdie over, making it look like a wedding veil] ...For weddings! Uh, madame! This makes you look like a vision, like a dream.
Fetcher Like a duck!
[Nick glares at him]
No, thank you. [takes off the birdie and shows a diagram of a catapult] We're making this. We need these things. Can you get them?
Ooh-hoo-hoo, ooh, this is a big job, Miss. Uh, bigger than the other ones. No, no, this is gonna cost.
Same as always: one bag of seed. [hands Nick a bag of chicken feed]
You call this pay?!
Fetcher It's chicken feed!
What else could we give you?
Eggs.
Eggs?!
Fetcher Eggs. [holds up an egg cup and licks his lips]
We can't give you our eggs. They're too valuable.
And so are we. [packs up to leave] After you, Fetcher.
Fetcher [pausely]
After I what?
Move!
We slipped into the farmer's room, all quiet, like...
Fetcher [interrupting]
Like a fish!
Yeah, and we- [pauses] Like a FISH? You stupid Norbert.
Fetcher Little moments like this, mate. It's what makes the job all worthwhile. [to Nick, putting a red light in] Wanna dance?
Yeah, all right.
[Loud nose occurs, the crate is pulled down slightly and the chickens scream]
Great Scott! What was that?!
A cling-on cap'n! And the engines can't take it!
[rumages through her handbag, throwing out a knit, a toothbrush, a lipstick, before finding the scissors]
Bingo!
Lower me down.
But... Ginger...
Just do it.
Increase velocity!
What does that mean?
It means PEDAL YOUR FLIPPIN' GIBLETS OUT!!
I'm trying!
GINGER! [She raising her axe. But then Rocky starts firing eggs at Melisha Tweedy]
FIRE! FIRE!
Fetcher Oh, me eggs. [Ginger loses Babs' scissors]
MORE AMMO, HURRY!
WE'VE GOT NO MORE EGGS!
GINGER! LOOK OUT!
[Snarling. Melisha Tweedy breaks the wire with her axe, and seemingly beheads Ginger]
NOOOOO!!! [after a moment of silence, she ducks and cover Ginger looks up at Melisha Tweedy, completely unharmed]
[Groans. Ginger reveals the severed Christmas lights in front of Melisha Tweedy]
HUH?!
Bye-bye! [Melisha Tweedy screams after her side of the wire is lets go]
BOMBS AWAY!
Oh, that was good, that was GOOD!
The Old Bird bought it! [laughing]
Mrs. Tweedy!, Mrs. Tweed-- [He then sees Melisha Tweedy shrieking and flailing in the blocked-up safety valve; inside, Melisha Tweedy sees the boiling gravy rising. As the machine begins malfunctioning, Willard Tweedy slowly backs away while closing the door, and the pie machine explodes in the distance, creating a mushroom cloud of gravy]
Rocky and Ginger
WHOA!
[Gravy leaks down the door, Willard Tweedy then opens the door to see Melissa Tweedy injured while the two guard dogs are happily licking up the spilt gravy] [his last words]
I told you they were organized. [Melisha Tweedy soon begins growling, and before she's about to reprimand him, she lets out a yelp as the now unsupported door falls flat on her.]
[The chickens continue to celebrate, Mac gives Fowler a big kiss on the cheek, Bunty hugs Babs, Nick tearfully hugs Fetcher, and Ginger grabs Rocky and finally gives him that big kiss. The pedalling chickens stop pedalling.]
KEEP PEDDLING! We’re not there yet! [The plane rises again and sails off toward the sunset] You can’t see paradise if you don’t pedal! Put your drumsticks into it. [hand-flying the plane through the air] That's what I told them, what what. We were losing altitude, you see, and heading for a fearful prang.
Safety is at all times imperative. Now, wind her up and let her go.
[Last lines]
'Ey, 'ey, here's a thought. Why don't we get an egg and start our own chicken farm? That way we'll have all the eggs we could eat.
Fetcher Right. We'll need a chicken then.
No. No, we'll need an egg. You have the egg first. That's where you get the chicken from.
Fetcher No, that's cobblers. If you don't have a chicken, where are you gonna get an egg?
From the chicken that comes from the egg.
Fetcher Yeah, but you have to have an egg to have a chicken.
Yeah, but you gotta get the chicken first to get the egg, and then from the egg, you get the chicken out.
Fetcher Hang on. Let's go over this again. [The screen puts up, "The End", then the credits scene]
[Very last lines, the screen puts up, "The End", then the bonus credits scene]
The egg, obviously. Rollin' along happy as Larry, then, crack! Hatches into the first chicken.
Fetcher Yeah, but where'd the egg come from, then?
What do you mean, where'd it come from?
Fetcher Egg comes rollin' along, happy as Larry. It's wonderin', where'd it come from? Without a chicken, you get no egg to come rollin' along.
Well, conversely, without an egg to hatch into the chicken, there will be no chicken to lay the other egg that hatches into the chicken that lays the egg I mentioned in the first place.
Fetcher So we got two eggs now?
No, we're still talking about the very first egg.
Fetcher But what happened to the very first chicken?
He's in the very first egg! Aren't you listenin'?
Uh, guys. Guys? Tryin' to enjoy paradise over here.
Oh, sorry, guv.
Fetcher Beg your pardon.
Won't happen again.
Thanks.
Gitface.
Fetcher Pillock.
Thinks he's such a big shot 'cause he's got his name on a poster. These show biz folk are all the same.
Fetcher Yeah, the rats are the stars, carefully. Yeah, they are. Of course they are.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they are. Of course they are. We do all the work; he gets all the credits.
Fetcher But he does get all the birds. He gets everything.
Yes, he does. Everything.
Fetcher You said it, mate.
I know.
