Miss Price Children and I don't get on.
Most-quoted character in Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971): in 21 of its 45 quotes
Most scenes with: Mr. Browne (7), Charlie (6), Paul (3)
You see, Colonel, things are not always what they seem to be.
More lines from Miss Price
4 quotes Miss Price Miss Price [reading from Professor Browne's letter]
"Technically a witch is always a lady except when circumstances dictate otherwise."
Miss Price Victory for England, and St George!
Miss Price [Miss Price, after turing the lion into a rabbit.]
Oh, bother. I do hate shoddy work.
Scenes with Miss Price
16 scenesWho else lives here?
Miss Price I live alone—it suits my purposes.
Miss Price Supper is at six. You will wash, thoroughly—
Wash?!
Miss Price You will wash yourselves, otherwise there will be no supper.
[Charlie notices an odd bottle on a shelf in Miss Price's office.]
Poisoned dragon's liver?!
Miss Price Poisoned dragon's liver.
I found the door open, the curtains closed—the house was deserted.
Miss Price Why on earth would someone do a thing like that?
I would say this may have something to do with it... [gestures towards an unexploded bomb]
Miss Price Merciful heavens! I should be terrified at the very idea of living here.
You would have thought so, wouldn't you? I am, by nature, a little bit of a coward—but then I pondered, as I often do: in the perverse nature of things, this diabolical object is probably the best friend I ever had. It has enabled me for the first time in my life to live like a king. Shall we go in?
[Miss Price is searching in Mr. Browne's library, standing on a ladder attached to a rail on the high shelves.]
What's your name?
Miss Price [Disinterestedly.]
Miss Price.
No—I mean your first name.
Miss Price Eglantine.
Eglantine...Eglantine... [He pushes the ladder upon which Miss Price is standing along the rail, startling her.] Oh, how you shine!
Miss Price [reading from the book she has found at last]
Ah! "Substitutiary locomotion. The ancient art of..." [She reads for a few moments in a whisper.] Ah! Here we are: "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are—" [She pauses incredulously, and turns over the tattered leaves of the book.] ...But the rest of the book is missing!
Now you see why I closed down the college.
Miss Price [Miss Price's belongings inadvertently come to life after she recites an ancient magical spell. Mr. Browne begins to dance with a nightdress.]
That's my nightgown!
Is it really, my dear?
Miss Price Yes, and I'm not responsible for its behaviour.
Obviously not, my dear.
Miss Price [Miss Price and the children are being held captive in her house by German soldiers.]
Colonel, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit?
Colonel
Be quiet, please.
Miss Price Paul, kindly fetch me my notebook from my office.
Miss Price [The officers restrain Paul in much commotion. Miss Price stands up, points at the Colonel, but cannot remember the correct words to the incantation.]
Filigree, apogee, epigee...!
That's not a rabbit—that's Mr. Browne, that is!
Miss Price If you are Mr. Browne, would you kindly get down off my lap?
Who else lives here?
Miss Price I live alone — it suits my purposes.
Sorry Miss! The cat scared us!
Miss Price It’s not exactly! It was you who scared him.
What is your cat's name?
Miss Price I don't like giving cats ridiculous names, I call it a cosmic thrill because that's the name it came with.
Miss Price The lunch is at six. You will wash, thoroughly—
Wash?!
Miss Price You will wash yourself thoroughly, otherwise do without lunch, is that clear? [leaves the room]
A house of horror, that's what we've come to.
Hurt your foot, Miss Price?
Miss Price Oh, just twisted my ankle.
Sorry to hear that.
Miss Price Thank you. It's nothing serious.
Lovely weather for flying last night.
Miss Price [heavy pause]
Why did you say that, Charles?
Miss Price I see.
Miss Price Poisoned dragon's liver.
Do you poison the dragon or just the liver?
Miss Price It comes prepared. It's part of the school equipment.
Miss Price [reading from the book she has found at last]
Ah, here we are! "Substitutiary locomotion. The ancient art of..." [She reads for a few moments in a whisper.] "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are..." [She pauses incredulously, and turns over the tattered leaves of the book] But the rest of the book is missing!
Now you see why I closed down the college.
Miss Price But where are the other pages?
Haven't the foggiest.
Miss Price Listen to me, Mr. Browne!
I'm all ears.
Miss Price You will be if you don't pay attention. Where did you get this book?
Well, I bought it from a chap in the street market. There was a bit of unpleasantness, as a matter of fact. He claimed that I'd given him a dud coin, I ask you. There was a sort of scuffle, the book tore, he got one half, and I got the other.
Miss Price But where's the other half now?
Oh, it's probably been thrown away, but if it still exists, there's only one place to find it.
I assume you're looking for the same thing I am. May I? [He and Miss Price exchange their halves of the book] This is quite a moment for both of us. [Starts reading from Miss Price's half] "Substitutiary locomtion, the lost miracle of the ancients..." And so on, and so forth. Ah, here we are! "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are..."
Miss Price [reads from the Bookman's half]
"...engraved on the star that was always worn by the sorcerer Astoroth."
But where are the words of the spell? I assumed they'd be in your half of the manuscript.
Miss Price But I thought they'd be in yours.
Isn't that old Astoroth? And there's his star. It's a pity it's so small you can't read the writing.
Miss Price But why the animals?
Towards the end of his life, Astoroth kept animals in cages and searched for the spells that would make them more like humans. The legend is that finally the animals rebelled at the experiment, killed Astoroth, and stole many of his powers.
Miss Price Including the star with the spell on it?
Possibly. They found a ship, sailed away, and were never heard of again. However, there's a final notation in my half of the book saying that, in the 17th century, a shipwrecked lascar was taken from the sea, half-mad with thirst and exposure to the sun. Before he died, he swore he had seen an island ruled by animals.
Miss Price Where?
There is, I regret to say, no such island. I looked for it in every chart. The Isle of Naboombu does not exist.
Colonel Heller [Miss Price and the children are taken hostage in her house by German soldiers.]
No, fraulein, this is not the invasion, just a little exercise, a minor raid to induce panic and to spread a little mischief. When you English get it through your head that the German forces can land at will whenever and wherever we please, perhaps you will consider a reasonable peace.
Not bloody likely!
Go on, Miss Price. Do it to him.
Miss Price I must say, it's very tempting. Colonel, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit? [The colonel and a soldier read a map, ignoring Miss Price] I said, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit?!
Colonel Heller [Paul smiles]
Be quiet, please!
Miss Price [Miss Price stands up, points at the Colonel, but cannot remember the correct words to the rabbit spell]
Filigree, apogee, epigee...!
Not again.
Your memory, Miss Price.
Miss Price Charles, would you kindly fetch me my notebook from the workroom, please?
Right-o.
Colonel Heller [He walks to the workroom, but a soldier restrains Charlie. Miss Price and Paul attempt to retrieve Charlie in much commotion. The colonel, annoyed, turns to them]
SILENCE!!! [The commotion stops] Fraulein, we have work to do. I am sorry, but I must send all of you someplace where you will no longer be a nuisance. [Gives an order in German and continues working]
[after being transformed into a rabbit a second time]
Does one's nose have to twitch like this?
Miss Price [not looking up from the book]
Oh, you're back, Mr. Browne.
Madam, a word about your tactics - I don't mind so much being turned into a hawk or a tiger, or something with a bit of dash to it, but always a fluffy, white rabbit? It's intolerable!
