Beavis and Butthead Do America quotes
53 total quotes
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Lady in News: Well, Bob, the news out here is not good. Authorities are calling this the worst highway disaster in the Nation's history. Behind me, over 400 vehicles lay wrecked or stuck.
Agent Bork: Chief, look!
Lady in News: No one knows what caused it, but police have not ruled out...
Agent Flemming: Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher.
Agent Bork: Where did these guys come from?
Agent Flemming: The question is, where are they going?
Man in News: In other news, G-Pac is set to begin at 2 P.M. tomorrow when representatives from around the world...
Agent Flemming: What the hell? Bork! That bus we picked up, where was it hiding?
Agent Bork: Uh, D.C., Chief.
Agent Flemming: Jesus Jumped-up-- Bork, can you imagine what would happen if they set that thing off in our Nation's capitol? Or even worse! If they sold it to some damn foreigner at that conference? Well, it's not going to happen!
Agent Bork: Chief, look!
Lady in News: No one knows what caused it, but police have not ruled out...
Agent Flemming: Well, I'll be a blue-nosed gopher.
Agent Bork: Where did these guys come from?
Agent Flemming: The question is, where are they going?
Man in News: In other news, G-Pac is set to begin at 2 P.M. tomorrow when representatives from around the world...
Agent Flemming: What the hell? Bork! That bus we picked up, where was it hiding?
Agent Bork: Uh, D.C., Chief.
Agent Flemming: Jesus Jumped-up-- Bork, can you imagine what would happen if they set that thing off in our Nation's capitol? Or even worse! If they sold it to some damn foreigner at that conference? Well, it's not going to happen!
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Little Old Lady: [to her husband] I want you to meet two nice boys. [She introduces Beavis first] This is Travis and Bob. [to Butt-head] And, what's your last name, dear?
Butt-head: Uh, Head. My first name is Butt.
Agent Flemming: Agent Flemming, ATF. So, are you gonna tell us where it is or will I have to have Agent Hurly over there give you another cavity search?
Dallas Grimmes: Is that a promise?
Agent Flemming: Look, Mrs. S****, we know who you are. Tell her, Bork.
Agent Bork: Dallas Grimmes, married to Muddy Grimmes. you run a mom-and-pop arms smuggling ring.
Dallas Grimmes: Mmph. You got my bad side.
Agent Flemming: 3 days ago, you pulled a job at the Army Research Facility in Hadley, Nevada, where you stole the X-5 unit. We happen to know you had the unit with you when you checked in here, so why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is?
Dallas Grimmes: You gonna charge me with anything? I didn't think so. You wanna let me go now, or wait till my lawyer files a wrongful arrest?
Agent Bork: We got nothing, Chief. We tore the place apart. We can only legally hold her another couple of hours.
Agent Flemming: Damn it! Cut her loose. WHERE IS THAT DAMN UNIT?
Butt-head: Uh, Head. My first name is Butt.
Agent Flemming: Agent Flemming, ATF. So, are you gonna tell us where it is or will I have to have Agent Hurly over there give you another cavity search?
Dallas Grimmes: Is that a promise?
Agent Flemming: Look, Mrs. S****, we know who you are. Tell her, Bork.
Agent Bork: Dallas Grimmes, married to Muddy Grimmes. you run a mom-and-pop arms smuggling ring.
Dallas Grimmes: Mmph. You got my bad side.
Agent Flemming: 3 days ago, you pulled a job at the Army Research Facility in Hadley, Nevada, where you stole the X-5 unit. We happen to know you had the unit with you when you checked in here, so why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is?
Dallas Grimmes: You gonna charge me with anything? I didn't think so. You wanna let me go now, or wait till my lawyer files a wrongful arrest?
Agent Bork: We got nothing, Chief. We tore the place apart. We can only legally hold her another couple of hours.
Agent Flemming: Damn it! Cut her loose. WHERE IS THAT DAMN UNIT?
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Little Old Lady: Oh, hello, there. Are you two heading for Las Vegas?
Beavis: Yeah. We're gonna score.
Little Old Lady: Oh, well, I hope to score big there, myself. I'm mostly gonna be doing the slots.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping to do some sluts, too. Yeah. Do they have a lot of sluts in Las Vegas?
Little Old Lady: Oh, there are so many slots, you won't know where to begin.
Beavis: Whoa. Hey, Butt-Head, this chick is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas.
Butt-head: Cool.
Little Old Lady: It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered.
Beavis: Yeah. I'm gonna have money and a big screen TV and there's gonna be sluts everywhere. It's gonna rule.
Little Old Lady: Well, that's nice.
Beavis: Yeah. We're gonna score.
Little Old Lady: Oh, well, I hope to score big there, myself. I'm mostly gonna be doing the slots.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping to do some sluts, too. Yeah. Do they have a lot of sluts in Las Vegas?
Little Old Lady: Oh, there are so many slots, you won't know where to begin.
Beavis: Whoa. Hey, Butt-Head, this chick is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas.
Butt-head: Cool.
Little Old Lady: It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered.
Beavis: Yeah. I'm gonna have money and a big screen TV and there's gonna be sluts everywhere. It's gonna rule.
Little Old Lady: Well, that's nice.
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Little Old Lady: Yoohoo! Travis and Bob Head! Hello!
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Man: Where the hell is he?
Earl Hofert: You sure this is the right place? Your Muddy?
Muddy Grimes: What are you, the cops?
Earl Hofert: Uh, no. Earl sent us. You know, to take care of your wife.
Muddy Grimes: What? Take care... What the hell are you talkin' about? Who were those other two clowns?
Earl Hofert: Huh?
Muddy Grimes: Aghh... god damn it! She did it to me again! I'm gonna go to Vegas, and I'm gonna kill all three of them!
Earl Hofert: Hey, I noticed your TV was broken. You want to buy a new one? Just leave it. Worthless piece of crap.
Man: Yeah, really, man. We gotta start stealin' from rich people.
Earl Hofert: You sure this is the right place? Your Muddy?
Muddy Grimes: What are you, the cops?
Earl Hofert: Uh, no. Earl sent us. You know, to take care of your wife.
Muddy Grimes: What? Take care... What the hell are you talkin' about? Who were those other two clowns?
Earl Hofert: Huh?
Muddy Grimes: Aghh... god damn it! She did it to me again! I'm gonna go to Vegas, and I'm gonna kill all three of them!
Earl Hofert: Hey, I noticed your TV was broken. You want to buy a new one? Just leave it. Worthless piece of crap.
Man: Yeah, really, man. We gotta start stealin' from rich people.
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Marcie Anderson: They're here to look at the TV, Tom.
Tom Anderson: What? The TV ain't broken.
Beavis: Uh, yeah it is.
Tom Anderson: What? The TV ain't broken.
Beavis: Uh, yeah it is.
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Muddy Grimes: Well, I'm gonna enjoy this. Any last words before I kill you?
Butt-head: I have a couple. Butt cheeks.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. And, uh, and boobs. I just wanna say that again: boobs.
Muddy Grimes: I'm gonna blow ya both to hell, that's what I'm gonna do!
Butt-head: Cool. Whoa. Hey, Beavis, that's that dude who's paying us to do his wife.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Um, can you just take us to Washington? We're gonna meet her there and, you know, um... heh heh. You know.
Muddy Grimes: Washington? That's where she's gonna meet up with you? You know, I just might need you boys, after all. All right. Get in the trunk. Both of you. NOW!!
Butt-head: Boy, it sure is hard to score.
Beavis: Yeah, really.
Butt-head: I have a couple. Butt cheeks.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. And, uh, and boobs. I just wanna say that again: boobs.
Muddy Grimes: I'm gonna blow ya both to hell, that's what I'm gonna do!
Butt-head: Cool. Whoa. Hey, Beavis, that's that dude who's paying us to do his wife.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Um, can you just take us to Washington? We're gonna meet her there and, you know, um... heh heh. You know.
Muddy Grimes: Washington? That's where she's gonna meet up with you? You know, I just might need you boys, after all. All right. Get in the trunk. Both of you. NOW!!
Butt-head: Boy, it sure is hard to score.
Beavis: Yeah, really.
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Muddy: Now, you listen to me, and this is real important. My wife's got this leather satchel. It's a black bag about this big. I need you to bring it back, boys. Sentimental value, you know what I mean? Any questions so far?
Butt-head: Uh, does she have big hooters?
Muddy Grimmes: Heh heh. Yeah, she sure does. Ha ha...
Butt-head: This is gonna be cool.
Beavis: Y-Y-Yeah. Boi-oi-oi-oing.
Muddy Grimmes: Heh heh heh... Hey, you guys are funny. Let's have a drink on it, eh? Now, don't let me down.
Butt-head: Uh, does she have big hooters?
Muddy Grimmes: Heh heh. Yeah, she sure does. Ha ha...
Butt-head: This is gonna be cool.
Beavis: Y-Y-Yeah. Boi-oi-oi-oing.
Muddy Grimmes: Heh heh heh... Hey, you guys are funny. Let's have a drink on it, eh? Now, don't let me down.
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Muddy: You guys are late.
Butt-head: Really? Did we miss Baywatch?
[after Beavis and Butt-head enter the motel room]
Muddy Grimmes: Man, Earl said you guys were young, but, jeez. Oh, well. As long as you can get the job done. What are your names?
Butt-head: Uh, Butt-head.
Beavis: Oh, I'm Beavis.
Muddy Grimmes: Well, that's all right. I'd rather not know your real names, anyway. Mine's Muddy. Now, look, I'm gonna get right to the point. I'll pay you 10 grand plus expenses, all payable after you do her.
Butt-head: Uh, do her?
Muddy Grimmes: That's right, do her. I'm offering you $10,000 plus expenses to do my wife. We got a deal?
Beavis: Actually, we just want to watch TV.
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis. Uh... Yeah, we'll do your wife.
Beavis: No! I wanna watch TV!
Butt-head: [slaps Beavis] Damn it, Beavis, you butt-munch. This guy wants us to score with his wife, and he's gonna pay us. We can buy a new TV.
Beavis: Really? Cool.
Butt-head: Uh, we'll do it, sir.
Muddy Grimmes: Well, all right, then. Let's get down to business. [showing a photo of Dallas] Here she is, boys. Her name's Dallas. She ain't as sweet as she looks. She stole everything from me. You gotta watch out, 'cause she'll do you twice as fast as you'd do her.
Butt-head: Whoa. Uh huh huh huh. Cool.
Muddy Grimmes: She's holed up in her room in Las Vegas. I got you a room right next to hers. Your flight leaves in an hour. Come on. I'll drive you to the airport.
Butt-head: Really? Did we miss Baywatch?
[after Beavis and Butt-head enter the motel room]
Muddy Grimmes: Man, Earl said you guys were young, but, jeez. Oh, well. As long as you can get the job done. What are your names?
Butt-head: Uh, Butt-head.
Beavis: Oh, I'm Beavis.
Muddy Grimmes: Well, that's all right. I'd rather not know your real names, anyway. Mine's Muddy. Now, look, I'm gonna get right to the point. I'll pay you 10 grand plus expenses, all payable after you do her.
Butt-head: Uh, do her?
Muddy Grimmes: That's right, do her. I'm offering you $10,000 plus expenses to do my wife. We got a deal?
Beavis: Actually, we just want to watch TV.
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis. Uh... Yeah, we'll do your wife.
Beavis: No! I wanna watch TV!
Butt-head: [slaps Beavis] Damn it, Beavis, you butt-munch. This guy wants us to score with his wife, and he's gonna pay us. We can buy a new TV.
Beavis: Really? Cool.
Butt-head: Uh, we'll do it, sir.
Muddy Grimmes: Well, all right, then. Let's get down to business. [showing a photo of Dallas] Here she is, boys. Her name's Dallas. She ain't as sweet as she looks. She stole everything from me. You gotta watch out, 'cause she'll do you twice as fast as you'd do her.
Butt-head: Whoa. Uh huh huh huh. Cool.
Muddy Grimmes: She's holed up in her room in Las Vegas. I got you a room right next to hers. Your flight leaves in an hour. Come on. I'll drive you to the airport.
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President Clinton: Beavis and Butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans I extend my deepest thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country.
Butt-head: Huh huh huh huh. He said, "extend."
Beavis: Oh, yeah.
Butt-head: Huh huh huh huh. He said, "extend."
Beavis: Oh, yeah.
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Ranger at Old Faithful: There are over 200 active geysers in Yellowstone Park. Old Faithful here is one of the largest. During an eruption, the geyser can reach as high as 200 feet.
Butt-head: So?
Ranger at Old Faithful: The - the geyser shoots out over 12,000 gallons in a single eruption.
Beavis: That's not that much, really.
Butt-head: Yeah, really. Let's get out of here. Uh-huh-huh-huh.
Butt-head: So?
Ranger at Old Faithful: The - the geyser shoots out over 12,000 gallons in a single eruption.
Beavis: That's not that much, really.
Butt-head: Yeah, really. Let's get out of here. Uh-huh-huh-huh.
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Tom Anderson: [driving by in his camper trailer] Something wrong, Officer?
ATF Agent: [holds up a picture of Beavis & Butt-head] Sir, we're looking for these two fugitives.
Tom Anderson: Well, I'll be danged. That's them two kids that have been whacking in my camper.
ATF Agent: You saw these two?
Tom Anderson: I sure did. Boy, I've never seen two kids do so much damned whacking.
ATF Agent: [speaking on his walkie-talkie] This is post 9; I have positive ID.
Tom Anderson: Boy, they're just like a couple of little old spider monkeys, I'll tell ya that.
ATF Agent: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you and your wife to step out of the vehicle.
Tom Anderson: Well now, wait a minute. Me and the Mrs. here are on our way to Washington D.C., and–
ATF Agent: [points a gun at Tom Anderson] NOW!!
Tom Anderson: Now, wait right there. You're dealing with a veteran of 2 foreign wars. They're the one been whackin'. I find anything broken in there, you and I gonna tangle.
Agent Flemming: Masturbating in the man's camper. We're dealing with two sick individuals. I want that camper torn apart, full cavity searches all around. Something tells me he could be involved.
Tom Anderson: What in the hell--now wait just a minute!
Agent Bork: Chief, this just came in. Two days ago, express airways had a disturbance by someone calling himself "Cornholio." Guess who matches the description?
Agent Flemming: Finally, a real break. Get me that flash point of origin. We're gonna kick some ass.
ATF Agent: [holds up a picture of Beavis & Butt-head] Sir, we're looking for these two fugitives.
Tom Anderson: Well, I'll be danged. That's them two kids that have been whacking in my camper.
ATF Agent: You saw these two?
Tom Anderson: I sure did. Boy, I've never seen two kids do so much damned whacking.
ATF Agent: [speaking on his walkie-talkie] This is post 9; I have positive ID.
Tom Anderson: Boy, they're just like a couple of little old spider monkeys, I'll tell ya that.
ATF Agent: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you and your wife to step out of the vehicle.
Tom Anderson: Well now, wait a minute. Me and the Mrs. here are on our way to Washington D.C., and–
ATF Agent: [points a gun at Tom Anderson] NOW!!
Tom Anderson: Now, wait right there. You're dealing with a veteran of 2 foreign wars. They're the one been whackin'. I find anything broken in there, you and I gonna tangle.
Agent Flemming: Masturbating in the man's camper. We're dealing with two sick individuals. I want that camper torn apart, full cavity searches all around. Something tells me he could be involved.
Tom Anderson: What in the hell--now wait just a minute!
Agent Bork: Chief, this just came in. Two days ago, express airways had a disturbance by someone calling himself "Cornholio." Guess who matches the description?
Agent Flemming: Finally, a real break. Get me that flash point of origin. We're gonna kick some ass.
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Tom Anderson: Boy, I tell you what, it really makes ya proud. I could stay in here all day.
FBI Agent: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
FBI Agent: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
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Tom Anderson: Boy, what I wouldn't give for 5 minutes alone with them 2 little bas****?
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Tom Anderson: Take your damn pants with you!
Agent Flemming: Hold your fire.
Tom Anderson: What the hell!
Agent Bork: The pants! He's got the unit!
Agent Flemming: Drop the pants, now!
Tom Anderson: Now wait a minute. I ain't the one...
Butt-Head: Here you go.
Tom Anderson: Now wait just a minute, mister!
ATF Agent: Sir take a look at this.
Agent Bork: How do you explain this?
Tom Anderson: What the hell are you talking about?
Agent Flemming: So, using two innocent teenagers as pawns in your sick game, huh?
Tom Anderson: Look, I already told you I don't know what the hell this is about.
Agent Flemming: Take him away.
Tom Anderson: Hey! Get your damn hands off me! Goddamnit hey damn it You don't know who you're dealing I'm a veteran of two foreign wars! I ain't the one been...
Beavis: I always thought there was something wrong with him.
Butt-Head: Yeah he had a lot of problems.
Beavis: He used to hit me, too.
Butt-Head: Hey, does anyone want to see my unit?
Agent Flemming: Hold your fire.
Tom Anderson: What the hell!
Agent Bork: The pants! He's got the unit!
Agent Flemming: Drop the pants, now!
Tom Anderson: Now wait a minute. I ain't the one...
Butt-Head: Here you go.
Tom Anderson: Now wait just a minute, mister!
ATF Agent: Sir take a look at this.
Agent Bork: How do you explain this?
Tom Anderson: What the hell are you talking about?
Agent Flemming: So, using two innocent teenagers as pawns in your sick game, huh?
Tom Anderson: Look, I already told you I don't know what the hell this is about.
Agent Flemming: Take him away.
Tom Anderson: Hey! Get your damn hands off me! Goddamnit hey damn it You don't know who you're dealing I'm a veteran of two foreign wars! I ain't the one been...
Beavis: I always thought there was something wrong with him.
Butt-Head: Yeah he had a lot of problems.
Beavis: He used to hit me, too.
Butt-Head: Hey, does anyone want to see my unit?