Are We There Yet? (2005) · 13 quotes
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in Are We There Yet? (2005): in 7 of its 13 quotes
Most scenes with: Lindsey (7), Nick (6)
Aw, damn! Boy, didn't you hear what I just said?!
You're damn right I swore! That's about $400 damage worth to my new car!
That's twice. Now you have to put $2 in the Swear Jar.
Kevin No!
And I want it cash!
[Kevin starts crying]
Kevin I have to pee.
What?! No, no, no, you do not have to pee! Didn't you just go back at the train station?
Kevin I tried to go, but there was a man standing next to me, so it just went away.
But look, man, all this open road. You can hold it, I know you can. Just cross your legs.
I did!
No, you asked before we got on the train, not before we left the station. You're supposed to ask before every segment. Everyone knows that.
Evidently not.
I knew you were lying. "Yeah, we're just friends." Yeah, right. You're just usin' us to suck up to our Mama.
What?!
Kevin Yeah, you're just a dirty, horny sex-man like all the others. Nasty man, you're a nasty, bad man!
Look, I tried to do your Mama a favor, you little booger!
Kevin You probably wanna kiss her, don't 'cha? [he makes a face on the window]
Hey, off the glass! Off the glass! [to Lindsey] And you, open this door.
You forgot the magic word.
Open this damn door!
Kevin Ooh, you just swore again! Lindsey, he just swore again!
So what? Hey, I'm not playin' with you.
You can't make us do anything.
Hey! This is my car! You hear me, little girl?! This is my car!
Uh uh! You better not! Look at me, I'm serious! I'm not playin' with you, little girl, okay? Now, if you don't open that door before I count to three, somebody gonna get it.
What was Mom thinking?
Kevin I don't know, I like him. He's kinda funny.
Hey, don't get soft! This guy is not our daddy. He's the enemy.
Kevin I'm not gonna make it. Do you have a bottle?
No!
Kevin How 'bout this ashtray?
Kevin, there's no receptacle in this vehicle. Now, look, the exit's about a mile away, and you can hold it.
Kevin How far is a mile?
I don't know, 5,000 and some kinda feet. Think about something else; football, a math test, uh, puberty.
Kevin Are we there yet?
No!
I'm sure the carpet's absorbent.
Kevin Here it comes!
For God sakes, man, he's gonna make his water in your car!
No, he ain't. [speeds into truck stop] Incoming, incoming, incoming! Aaaah! Hold it, man.
Man! What did...? [exits the car with Kevin and Lindsey]
Kevin Sorry, Nick.
Aw, damn! Boy, didn't you hear what I just said?
Ooh, you swore.
You're damn right I swore! That's about $400 damage worth to my new car!
That's twice. Now you have to put $2 in the Swear Jar.
Yeah, well, he's got to put about $400 in my pocket. [to Kevin] You got $400 for me? HUH?
Kevin No.
And I want it cash!
Okay, man. No tears, alright? I don't wanna have to change no diapers around here.
Real good. Have you ever thought of being a youth pastor or a therapist?
Look, it ain't like I said I was gonna take off my belt.
Oh, man! I never even got to read the manual. [he, Kevin and Lindsey watch the car engulfing in flames; but the flames grow a little more violently and he suddenly notices the car is about to explode] HIT THE DIRT!
Why?! [walks to the destroyed car]. Oh, no. This is about a year's pay. What did I do?! What did I do?! Why is this happening to me?! [behind him, Kevin and Lindsey look at each other in worry and regret; Nick looks behind him, then he angrily points to Kevin and Lindsey] It was you two! [Kevin gasps as they back away with Nick still pointing to them] If I didn't volunteer to babysit you two little demons, this wouldn't have never happened, and I'd still have my car! [Kevin and Lindsey start crying] Go ahead and cry, I don't care. [at last, Nick becomes ashamed and sighs calmly] Okay, all right. Stop the waterworks. Oh, all right. Oh, come on, come on. [Hugs Kevin and Lindsey] Stop crying. Stop crying. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. No, no. I just got a little upset, okay? That's why you buy insurance. All right, let's sit down. Sit down. [Nick, Kevin and Lindsey sit Down] Come on, now. Right here, right here. It's only a car, okay?
Kevin We are a lot of trouble. That's why our daddy doesn't wanna be with us.
Look at me. [Kevin looks at Nick] Don't say that. That's not true.
But we destroyed your Navigator.
That? Oh, that's nothing. That's just a material object. It means nothing. I wouldn't wanna spend New Year's with us either.
