Airplane II: The Sequel quotes

View Quote Buck Murdock: Striker, you get that ship down... and down safe... [a giant money safe crashes to the floor behind Murdock] ... and there just might be a few of us who will forget about Macho Grande.

View Quote Steve McCroskey: Listen good. That thing is bound to come apart on you at that speed, and that's no good! It's got to be in one piece when you land on the moon! You know damn well that that warp drive has never been tested! [stabs his cigarette into the left hand of the controller sitting next to him] You're putting yourself and everybody else on that ship in jeopardy!
[Cuts to Art Fleming hosting a Jeopardy! game on the shuttle with the passengers as the contestants]
Art Fleming: All right, Contestant #38.
Contestant #38: Art, I'll take Air Shuttle Disasters for $40.
Art Fleming: The answer is... [The $40 display rotates to reveal the answer] ...the Mayflower!

View Quote Joe Selucci: I don't know if this is a good time to ask, but would it be possible for me to get my briefcase back?

View Quote ROC: Voice interface.
Elaine Dickinson: There's an overheat in the core. Please analyze problem.
ROC: There is no apparent overheat.
Elaine Dickinson: Yes, there is, ROC. We read a coreheat. Repeat analysis.
ROC: Analysis confirmed. All systems compute positive.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, not from where I'm sitting, they don't!
ROC: Look, Elaine. Cut the "not from where I'm sitting" shit. It must be a human error.
[Elaine turns to the captain]
Elaine Dickinson: Captain, I think we have a computer foul-up!
Clarence Oveur: I see.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, what do you recommend, Captain?
Clarence Oveur: Maybe you'd better run it through the computer.
Elaine Dickinson: But sir, I already have!
Clarence Oveur: [looking very pleased] Good!

View Quote Mr. Hammen: And how about the time we hopped in the family car and drove all the way to Woodstock?
Mrs Hammen: Oh, that was a time. You got hold of that bad acid and didn't come down for two weeks. You keep telling everyone that you were Jesus Christ and then you jumped off a roof 'cause you thought you could fly!
Mr. Hammen: What a bummer.
Mrs. Hammen: No shit.

View Quote Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.
Jacobs: Well, let's see. First the Earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. [McCroskey walks off] And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it- [Jacobs turns and starts to walk away, continuing to speak, trailing off as he gets further from the camera] he took her best summer dress and he put it on and went to town...

View Quote Buck Murdock: Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.

View Quote Elaine Dickinson: Ted, I have the strangest feeling we've been through this exact same thing before.

View Quote Steve McCroskey: We keep losing their radio!
Bug Kruger: Give it to me straight, McCroskey! What's it look like?
Steve McCroskey: [puzzled] The radio? About so big, green, with numbers and lots of knobs...what?
Bug Kruger: I mean the situation! What do your people think?
[The controllers begin thinking about the people in the hijacked airplane]
Controller #2: They're screwed!
Controller #3: They're dead!
Controller Jacobs: Did I leave the iron on?

View Quote The Sarge: Ted Striker was right when he test-piloted that sucker. And what did he get for telling the truth? A one-way ticket to the funny farm!

View Quote Soldier: Those lights are blinking out of sequence.
Buck Murdock: I see.
Soldier: What should we do?
Buck Murdock: Make them blink in sequence.

View Quote Steve McCroskey: [drunkenly] Gentlemen, I don't find it easy to talk at a time like this, but I got to say something about that guy up there, and I can sum it all up in just one word: courage...dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, *guts*. Why, Ted Striker's got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon. [He gestures extravagantly and falls over]

View Quote [Ted climbs over the wall guarding the mental hospital, removes his gown revealing his regular clothes and throws the gown out of harm's way. The gown comes back and covers Ted's head. Ted drops the gown beside him and starts to run while trying to avoid being spotted by a searchlight. Ted pauses when he encounters a lounge singer in a spotlight. The singer wears a tuxedo with his bow tie untied and he holds a microphone. It's Jack Jones.]
Lounge Singer: [sings] floats back to you... Ooh, The Love Boat... soon will be making another run. The Love Boat...
[Ted continues to run]

View Quote [The Wilsons arrive at checkpoint]
Porter: Can I help you folks?
Alice Wilson, John Wilson: Oh, yes, thank you.
Porter: Aw, is that your dog, son?
[looking at Scraps, Jimmy's dog]
Jimmy Wilson: Yes, his name is Scraps, and he's going to the moon with us.
Porter: Oh no. No dogs are allowed in the shuttle son. I'm afraid Scraps will have to be shot.
[pulls out a gun, shoots the dog and the dog falls to the floor]
Jimmy Wilson: [shouts, bending toward his dog] Scraps! He shot him! He shot Scraps!
[Jimmy's parents look horrified]
Porter: Just joking. Blanks, see? Scraps is fine.
[dog stands up and Porter, Alice and John Wilson are laughing]

View Quote Simon: Gentleman, I'd like you to meet our new captain.
Clarence Oveur: Gentlemen, welcome aboard.
Simon: Captain, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your first officer Mr. Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Unger.
Unger: Oveur.
Dunn: Oveur.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn. Gentlemen, let's get to work.
Simon: Unger, didn't you serve Oveur in the Air Force?
Unger: Not directly. Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn.
Dunn: Yep.
Simon: So, Dunn you were under Oveur and over Unger.
Unger: Yep.
Clarence Oveur: That's right. Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.
Unger: So you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.