Mr. Hammen And how about the time we hopped in the family car and drove all the way to Woodstock?
Mrs Hammen Oh, that was a time. You got hold of that bad acid and didn't come down for two weeks. You keep telling everyone that you were Jesus Christ and then you jumped off a roof 'cause you thought you could fly!
Mr. Hammen What a bummer.
Mrs. Hammen No shit.
Mr. Hammen I've always loved you darling, but I have to tell you, I was unfaithful to you, just once.
Mrs. Hammen Oh I understand, darling.
Mr. Hammen Remember Joan? My first secretary?
Mrs. Hammen Thats alright, I knew about it all the time. I was unfaithful too.
Mr. Hammen I understand darling.
Mrs. Hammen Remember Susan? Your last receptionist?
By the close of the twentieth century, construction of colonies on the lunar surface had begun and with this colonization came a new era in space travel. As our story opens, Mayflower 1, the first passenger shuttle to the moon, prepares for its maiden voyage--a voyage filled with hope, yet destined for disaster. Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, Princess Amoura lay back in her bed as the handsome young knight entered the room. The princess slipped off her robe, revealing her silky white thighs. The knight embraced her roughly, and began to caress her soft, round…
Prosecuting Attorney Doctor can you give the court your impression of Mr Striker.
Dr. Stone I'm sorry I don't do impressions, my training is in psychiatry.
Prosecuting Attorney Of course.
Voice interface.
There's an overheat in the core. Please analyze problem.
There is no apparent overheat.
Yes, there is, ROC. We read a coreheat. Repeat analysis.
Analysis confirmed. All systems compute positive.
Well, not from where I'm sitting, they don't!
Look, Elaine. Cut the "not from where I'm sitting" shit. It must be a human error.
Clarence Oveur I see.
Well, what do you recommend, Captain?
Clarence Oveur Maybe you'd better run it through the computer.
But sir, I already have!
Clarence Oveur Good!
Simon Gentleman, I'd like you to meet our new captain.
Clarence Oveur Gentlemen, welcome aboard.
Simon Captain, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your first officer Mr. Dunn.
Clarence Oveur Unger.
Unger Oveur.
Dunn Oveur.
Clarence Oveur Dunn. Gentlemen, let's get to work.
Simon Unger, didn't you serve Oveur in the Air Force?
Unger Not directly. Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn.
Dunn Yep.
Simon So, Dunn you were under Oveur and over Unger.
Unger Yep.
Clarence Oveur That's right. Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.
Unger So you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn.
Clarence Oveur Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.
Those lights are blinking out of sequence.
I see.
What should we do?
Make them blink in sequence.
Listen good. That thing is bound to come apart on you at that speed, and that's no good! It's got to be in one piece when you land on the moon! You know damn well that that warp drive has never been tested! [stabs his cigarette into the left hand of the controller sitting next to him] You're putting yourself and everybody else on that ship in jeopardy!
All right, Contestant #38.
Art, I'll take Air Shuttle Disasters for $40.
The answer is... [The $40 display rotates to reveal the answer] ...the Mayflower!
We're all betting on you. [In another room, people draw their bets as to whether the Shuttle passengers will die or not]
Gentlemen, I don't find it easy to talk at a time like this, but I got to say something about that guy up there, and I can sum it all up in just one word: courage...dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, *guts*. Why, Ted Striker's got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon. [He gestures extravagantly and falls over]
Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.
Jacobs Well, let's see. First the Earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. [McCroskey walks off] And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it- [Jacobs turns and starts to walk away, continuing to speak, trailing off as he gets further from the camera] he took her best summer dress and he put it on and went to town...
Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickinson?
Jacobs Well, I'm two inches taller, a better dancer, and much more fun to be with.
We keep losing their radio!
Give it to me straight, McCroskey! What's it look like?
I mean the situation! What do your people think?
Controller #2 They're screwed!
Controller #3 They're dead!
Controller Jacobs Did I leave the iron on?
Striker? Striker, Striker, Striker!
[a man behind McCroskey strikes a woman]
I got a piece of metal. It's a bobby pin.
A bobby pin? What the hell is the man doing with a bobby pin?
