Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) · 70 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995): in 11 of its 70 quotes
Most scenes with: Ace Ventura (11), Ouda (2)
Ah, there's the consolate!
Fulton Greenwall Oh. Thank God.
Fulton Greenwall But don't you think we should slow down just a teensy-weensy bit?!
Nonsense, poopy-pants!
Like a glove!
What did he just say?
Fulton Greenwall I think he said that she is not a virgin. [looks at Ace]
...They can tell that!?
Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious, and the pottery is lovely.
It's made from guano.
Guano! Sounds so familiar...
Fulton Greenwall Bat droppings.
Fulton Greenwall Guano is their chief resource, they use it to made many things in the village.
Yyyyyummay!
What type of bat are we talking about?
Fulton Greenwall The Great White Bat, of course.
Corpuscular chiroptera?
Fulton Greenwall Yes, but to the natives... Shikaka.
Shikaka. [they kneel again] Shikakaaaa! [they kneel once more] Shikasha! [they begin to kneel but catch on that he didn't say the name right] Ahhh! Shhhish kabab. Shhhhhawshank Redemption. SHI-KAAAAGO! (Chicago) [Chief kneels] You're outta there! [points outside] Go on, you're gone, go on.
Fulton Greenwall Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna...
Nice to meet you. Bumblebee tuna! Bumblebee tuna! Excuse me. [whispers] Your balls are showing! Bumblebee tuna!
Okay, everything here seems good. Big load off my mind. You can speculate all you want but unless you check it out for yourself, you never know. [chuckles] We should head back now.
Fulton Greenwall Aren't you going to go investigate?
There's no reason for anyone to go in there. Ever. I... sense it as a holy man.
Fulton But I thought you said...
IT'S DARK! I COULD FALL INTO A PRECIPICE!
Here you go.
I'll meet you at the bottom. There's still one more thing I must do before I go...
Isn't this incredible?! It's gonna be some kind of a record!! [singing] Everyone loves a Slinky, you gotta get a Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, go Slinky go!
Awwwwww, MAN!! Can you believe it?! It was RIGHT there! Can I do it one more time?
Fulton Greenwall Forgive me, Mr Ventura, but if we don't hurry now, we might miss the plane.
Of course. How selfish of me. Let's do all the things that YOU wanna do.
Fulton Greenwall You must be very proud, Ace.
Pride is an abomination! One must forego the self to obtain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation.
Fulton Greenwall My name is Fulton Greenwall, and I am looking for an Ace Ventura.
No man here... carries with him... a label...
Fulton Greenwall Oh yes. No names, how silly of me. Umm, he is an American.
We are all children... of the same life force...
Fulton Greenwall Yes, well, he bends over and speaks from his rear.
Oh, him. This way.
Hello, Ace. You want your money?
Wrong again, Sweeney Toad! I've come for the sacred bat. Where is it?!
Wait - whatever can you mean?
Guano? Hello?! Does "poop" ring a bell? [takes out a book and reads from it] "Guano: mined as a source of nitrate, producing 84% of the world's supply of fertilizer, a 1.4 billion dollar industry." [closes the book] THAT'S what this war is all about! You can't legally take possession of the caves as long as the Wachatis inhabit the area, and you want that dookie so bad, you can taste it!
Fulton Greenwall But sir, I thought that--
Yes, thank you, Fulton. [back to Ace] That's a fine theory, Mr. Ventura... What has it got to do with me?
I thought you'd never ask! [does an exaggerated inhalation of air, then speaks rapidly] The day I met you, there was a white substance on your shoe that I mistook for plaster; yesterday I saw the same white substance outside the hut where the bat was kept, and suddenly it hit me: the great white bat has great white guano! That's what you stepped in, that's what was on your shoe, and that explains the abrasion on your palm! ...Let me run that back for ya! [steps back while talking backwards] That's what you stepped in, that's what was on your shoe, AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRATION ON YOUR PALM! DAMN, I'M GOOD! [does pelvic thrusts] Can you feel that?! Huh?! Can you feel it, Captain Compost?! THE DAY OF REDEMPTION IS AT HAND! REPENT... and thou shall be saved!
Fulton Greenwall They will now consummate the marriage in the witness of the tribe. [gently pats Ace on the shoulder] Well done, Ace. You must be extremely proud.
Pride is an abomination. One must forego the self to attain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation. [The Wachootoo prince emerges from tent screaming angrily] What's that he's saying?
Fulton Greenwall I think he's saying she's not a virgin. [looks pointedly at Ace]
... They can tell that?!
[Cut to both tribes chasing Ace through the jungle]
