Dr. Lao Every time you pick up a grain of sand you hold a universe in the palm of your hand.
Dr. Lao Dr. Lao This is the circus of Dr. Lao.
We show you things that you don't know.
Oh, we spare no pains and we spare no dough.
Oh, we want to give you one hell of a show!
And youth may come and age may go,
But no more circuses like this show.
Dr. Lao Now, Mr. Cunningham, do you suppose this garrulous intruder may be a... a swindler, perhaps, an assassin, a charlatan plotting some curious disaster for your town? Such characters exist, but they are secretive rather than mysterious. I, sir, am a major mystery.
Brain Gremlin [at stock brokerage]
Yes, I'd say it's a full-scale panic. Are you having a run on the bank there yet? Well, it's rather brutal here. We're advising our clients to put everything they've got into canned food and shotguns!
Theatre usher
[The Gremlins have taken over the projection booth, interrupting the movie] [To a member of the audience]
Mr. Hogan? We have Gremlins in the projection booth. Would you help us?
Hulk Hogan Gremlins, in this theatre? Now? [Stands up and looks to the projection booth] OKAY, YOU GUYS, LISTEN UP!
Gremlin Uh-oh.
Hulk Hogan People pay good money to see this movie! When they go out to a theatre, they want cold sodas, hot popcorn, and NO MONSTERS IN THE PROJECTION BOOTH! [A Gremlin blows a raspberry at Hogan] Do I have to come up there myself? [Rips his uniform off] Do you think the Gremsters can stand up to the Hulkster?! Well, if I were you, I'd run the rest of Gremlins 2 RIGHT NOW! [Gremlins groan and resume the movie; Hogan looks to the camera] Sorry folks, it won't happen again.
Brain Gremlin Fred, what we want is, I think, what everyone wants, and what you and your viewers have: civilization.
Grandpa Fred Yes, but what sort of civilization are you speaking of?
Brain Gremlin The niceties, Fred. The fine points: diplomacy, compassion, standards, manners, tradition. That's what we're reaching toward. Oh, we may stumble along the way, but civilization, yes. The Geneva Convention, chamber music, Susan Sontag. Everything your society has worked so hard to accomplish over the centuries. That's what we aspire to. We want to be civilized. You take a look at this fellow here.
Beanie Gremlin
TV! TV! TV! I'm on TV! [Brain Gremlin shoots him; Fred hurries off-set.]
Brain Gremlin Now, was that civilized? No, clearly not. Fun, but in no sense civilized. Now, bear in mind, none of us has been in New York before. There are the Broadway shows. We'll have to find out how to get tickets. There's also a lot of street crime, but I believe we can watch that for free. We want the essentials: Dinettes, complete bedroom groups, convenient credit even though we've been turned down in the past.
The Operator Can we please have an erection? What the hell is going on down there?
The Girl
For me, Norman Mailer has exactly that same sort of relevance - that affirmative, negative duality that only Proust or Flaubert could achieve.
The Operator I don't know if we're gonna make it or not, doesn't look too good.
The Girl
I'm a graduate of New York University.
The Operator We're gonna make it.