Zoolander quotes

101 total quotes

Derek Zoolander
Hansel
Mugatu
Multiple Characters

View Quote [hypnotizing Derek] Hi Derek! My name's Little Cletus. I'm just a regular kid and want you to know the real truth about child labor laws, ok? They're silly and outdated. Why, back in the 30s, children as young as five could work as they pleased; from textile factories to iron smelts. Yippee! Hurray!

View Quote Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful, I think.

View Quote [Upon seeing the model of the "Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too] What is this, a center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building? The center has to be at least... three times bigger than this!

View Quote Hansel: Well, I guess you can Dere-lick my balls.
Derek: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.

View Quote Announcer: ...for the past four years, male modeling has been dominated by one man and five syllables: Der-ek Zoo-land-er. [Derek slowly counts the syllables off on his fingers]

View Quote Matilda: [to Katinka] By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney's. On sale!

View Quote [...] I'm a hot little potato right now!

View Quote Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?

View Quote We've got thirty years worth of files, right here in this computer, they're gonna bring you down!! [Throws the computer off the balcony, still thinking that the files are _in_ the computer.] [After the computer smashed up on the ground:] Where'd all the files go?

View Quote Derek Zoolander: I just wanted to make you proud of me, pop.
Larry Zoolander: How? With your male modeling? Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out for everyone to see?

View Quote Hansel: Yeah, you're cool to hide here, but first me and him got to straighten some shit out.
Derek Zoolander: Fine.
Hansel: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Derek Zoolander: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Hansel: Well, you go first.

View Quote Matilda: What time is it?
Derek Zoolander: Almost five.
Matilda: What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys--
Hansel: Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak-fest last night."

View Quote Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

View Quote Katinka: [after throwing Matilda into the street from Mugatu's spa] I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit... stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!

View Quote There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman."