Zoolander quotes

View Quote Me and my friends have been too busy sunbathing off the southern coast of St. Bart's with spider monkeys for the past two weeks, tripping on acid. Changed our whole perspective on shit.

View Quote Hansel: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh, ahh. I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize, "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days and couldn't some of this maybe be in your mind?"
Derek Zoolander: And?
Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.
Finnish Dwarf: Cool story Hansel.

View Quote Derek Zoolander: [after being in a coal mine for a day] I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop. [coughing] It's not very well-ventilated down there.
Larry Zoolander: For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day. Talk to me in thirty years.

View Quote Brint: [about Hansel] Have you seen the way he combs his hair?
Meekus: Or like, doesn't, it's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?
Brint: I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel, he's a male model.
Meekus: Uh, earth to Brint, I was making a joke.
Brint: Uh, Earth to Meekus, duh okay I knew that!
Meekus: Uh, Earth to Brint, I'm not so sure you do because you were all like 'well I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel' like you DIDN'T know it was a joke! aha, haha
Brint: I knew it was a joke, Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!
Meekus: Earth to Brint...
Derek Zoolander: Will you guys stop it already!

View Quote Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your "do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way"?...

View Quote J.P. Prewitt: I'm a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys... we're a different breed.

View Quote Brint: Ya know what could really help you sort through these important issues?
Derek Zoolander: What?
Brint, Meekus, Rufus: ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINOS!

View Quote Billy Zane: Hey, Derek, back on top, man.
Derek Zoolander: Thanks, Billy. You rock.
Billy Zane: No, you rock. When you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy?
Derek Zoolander: Not yet. You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.

View Quote The original Greek word "model" means "misshapen ball of clay", and I try to think about that every time I go in front of the camera.

View Quote Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigre? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

View Quote Maury Ballstein: What do we do when we fall off the horse?
Derek Zoolander: [thoughtfully looking up and mouthing the words silently] ... fall off the horse...
Maury Ballstein: [looking to supply finish] We... get back on!
Derek Zoolander: Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast.

View Quote Matilda: So when did you know you wanted to be a model?
Derek Zoolander: Hmm, I guess it would have to be the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking, "Wow, you're ridiculously good looking. Maybe you could do that for a career."
Matilda: Do what?
Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.

View Quote Matilda: I've been trying to reach you for a week.
Derek Zoolander: A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
Matilda: That was last Friday.
Derek Zoolander: Uh, Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?

View Quote I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

View Quote J.P. Prewitt: The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?
Derek Zoolander: Mugatu!
J.P. Prewitt: [pauses] Slaves, Derek. So they hired John Wilkes Booth to do Mr. Lincoln in. The first model/actor! Dallas. 1963. John F. Kennedy.
Matilda: Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a male model.
J.P. Prewitt: You're goddamn right he wasn't, but the two lookers who capped Kennedy from the grassy knoll sure as shit were!
Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you.