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Multiple Characters quotes

Larry Zoolander: Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.

Billy Zane:It's a walk-off, it's a walk-off.

David Bowie: [a judge is needed for the "walk-off"] If nobody has any objections, I believe I might be of service.

Larry Zoolander: You're dead to me boy. You're more dead to me than your dead mother.

Derek's Roommates: Orange Mocha Frappucino!

Protester: Mugatu! Screw you and your little dog too!

Announcer: Oh, you hate to see something like that at an event like this; ugly protesters bothering beautiful people.

Maury Ballstein: You want an opinion? With a push-up bra you could have a nice rack of lamb going on up there.

Maury Ballstein: Watch out Tushie squeeze!

Maury Ballstein: I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.

Announcer: ...for the past four years, male modeling has been dominated by one man and five syllables: Der-ek Zoo-land-er. [Derek slowly counts the syllables off on his fingers]

Katinka: [after throwing Matilda into the street from Mugatu's spa] I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit... stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!

Katinka: I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense, not one little bit.

J.P. Prewitt: I'm a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys... we're a different breed.

Matilda: [to Katinka] By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney's. On sale!

J.P. Prewitt: (after Derek accidentally stepped on the glass dome surrounding his hand) Ya freaking idiot!!!

Brint: I knew it was a joke Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!

Meekus: Earth-to-Brint!?

Hansel: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh, ahh. I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize, "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days and couldn't some of this maybe be in your mind?"
Derek Zoolander: And?
Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.
Finnish Dwarf: Cool story Hansel.

Matilda: What time is it?
Derek Zoolander: Almost five.
Matilda: What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys--
Hansel: Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak-fest last night."

Billy Zane: Hey, Derek, back on top, man.
Derek Zoolander: Thanks, Billy. You rock.
Billy Zane: No, you rock. When you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy?
Derek Zoolander: Not yet. You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.

Matilda: When I was in seventh grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Derek Zoolander: Ew!

Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: ... you can read minds?

Matilda: So when did you know you wanted to be a model?
Derek Zoolander: Hmm, I guess it would have to be the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking, "Wow, you're ridiculously good looking. Maybe you could do that for a career."
Matilda: Do what?
Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.

Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?
Derek: Oh, snap!

Larry Zoolander: You're dead to me Derek. You're deader to me than your dead mother. I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid.
Derek Zoolander: Mer-man! [high-pitched cough] Mer-man!

[Derek looks at the model for a moment, then throws it on the floor]
Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?
Mugatu: Derek, it's just a small--
Derek Zoolander: I don't wanna hear your excuses! The center has to be at least... three times bigger than this!

Brint: [about Hansel] Have you seen the way he combs his hair?
Meekus: Or like, doesn't, it's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?
Brint: I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel, he's a male model.
Meekus: Uh, earth to Brint, I was making a joke.
Brint: Uh, Earth to Meekus, duh okay I knew that!
Meekus: Uh, Earth to Brint, I'm not so sure you do because you were all like 'well I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel' like you DIDN'T know it was a joke! aha, haha
Brint: I knew it was a joke, Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!
Meekus: Earth to Brint...
Derek Zoolander: Will you guys stop it already!

Brint: Ya know what could really help you sort through these important issues?
Derek Zoolander: What?
Brint, Meekus, Rufus: ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINOS!

Matilda: I've been trying to reach you for a week.
Derek Zoolander: A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
Matilda: That was last Friday.
Derek Zoolander: Uh, Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?

Hansel: Well, I guess you can Dere-lick my balls.
Derek: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.

Derek Zoolander: Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am.
Matilda: What?
Derek Zoolander: A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?

Derek Zoolander: You mean, you haven't...
Matilda: Done it in a while, yeah.
Hansel: What's a while? Like eight days?

Derek Zoolander: Look, I think I know what this is about and I'm complimented but not interested.
Matilda: What?
Derek Zoolander: I can't sleep with you, OK? My head is killing me...
Matilda: What are you talking about?
Derek Zoolander: Okay, if you just want to fool around or...
Matilda: WAIT! I don't want to sleep with you!

Derek Zoolander: God?
Maury Ballstein: God? What the shit are you talkin' about? It's me, Maury.

Derek Zoolander: I just wanted to make you proud of me, pop.
Larry Zoolander: How? With your male modeling? Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out for everyone to see?

Hansel: Yeah, you're cool to hide here, but first me and him got to straighten some shit out.
Derek Zoolander: Fine.
Hansel: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Derek Zoolander: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Hansel: Well, you go first.

Derek Zoolander: [after being in a coal mine for a day] I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop. [coughing] It's not very well-ventilated down there.
Larry Zoolander: For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day. Talk to me in thirty years.

Maury Ballstein: What do we do when we fall off the horse?
Derek Zoolander: [thoughtfully looking up and mouthing the words silently] ... fall off the horse...
Maury Ballstein: [looking to supply finish] We... get back on!
Derek Zoolander: Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast.

J.P. Prewitt: The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?
Derek Zoolander: Mugatu!
J.P. Prewitt: [pauses] Slaves, Derek. So they hired John Wilkes Booth to do Mr. Lincoln in. The first model/actor! Dallas. 1963. John F. Kennedy.
Matilda: Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a male model.
J.P. Prewitt: You're goddamn right he wasn't, but the two lookers who capped Kennedy from the grassy knoll sure as shit were!
Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you.

Matilda: [after Derek saves the prime minister] Derek that was unbelievable!
Derek Zoolander: I know! I turned left!
Matilda: No, you saved the prime minister!
Derek Zoolander: Oh, well, that's cool too.

Derek: Look, you can't just come into people's lofts, wanting sex, then changing your mind, then telling them they've been at a day spa for a week...
Matilda: You have been at a day spa for a week.
Derek: So what?!

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