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Zoolander

Zoolander quotes

101 total quotes

Derek Zoolander
Hansel
Mugatu
Multiple Characters


Maury Ballstein: You want an opinion? With a push-up bra you could have a nice rack of lamb going on up there.


Meekus: Earth-to-Brint!?

Protester: Mugatu! Screw you and your little dog too!

Billy Zane: Hey, Derek, back on top, man.
Derek Zoolander: Thanks, Billy. You rock.
Billy Zane: No, you rock. When you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy?
Derek Zoolander: Not yet. You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.

Brint: [about Hansel] Have you seen the way he combs his hair?
Meekus: Or like, doesn't, it's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?
Brint: I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel, he's a male model.
Meekus: Uh, earth to Brint, I was making a joke.
Brint: Uh, Earth to Meekus, duh okay I knew that!
Meekus: Uh, Earth to Brint, I'm not so sure you do because you were all like 'well I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel' like you DIDN'T know it was a joke! aha, haha
Brint: I knew it was a joke, Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!
Meekus: Earth to Brint...
Derek Zoolander: Will you guys stop it already!

Brint: Ya know what could really help you sort through these important issues?
Derek Zoolander: What?
Brint, Meekus, Rufus: ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCCINOS!

Derek Zoolander: [after being in a coal mine for a day] I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop. [coughing] It's not very well-ventilated down there.
Larry Zoolander: For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day. Talk to me in thirty years.

Derek Zoolander: God?
Maury Ballstein: God? What the shit are you talkin' about? It's me, Maury.

Derek Zoolander: I just wanted to make you proud of me, pop.
Larry Zoolander: How? With your male modeling? Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out for everyone to see?

Derek Zoolander: Look, I think I know what this is about and I'm complimented but not interested.
Matilda: What?
Derek Zoolander: I can't sleep with you, OK? My head is killing me...
Matilda: What are you talking about?
Derek Zoolander: Okay, if you just want to fool around or...
Matilda: WAIT! I don't want to sleep with you!

Derek Zoolander: Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am.
Matilda: What?
Derek Zoolander: A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?

Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?
Derek: Oh, snap!

Derek Zoolander: You mean, you haven't...
Matilda: Done it in a while, yeah.
Hansel: What's a while? Like eight days?

Derek: Look, you can't just come into people's lofts, wanting sex, then changing your mind, then telling them they've been at a day spa for a week...
Matilda: You have been at a day spa for a week.
Derek: So what?!

Hansel: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh, ahh. I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize, "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days and couldn't some of this maybe be in your mind?"
Derek Zoolander: And?
Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.
Finnish Dwarf: Cool story Hansel.