The Simpsons Movie

The Simpsons Movie quotes

86 total quotes (ID: 540)

Bart
Homer
Lisa
Marge
Multiple Characters


Russ Cargill: I was tricked by an idiot!
Cletus Spuckler: Hey, I know how you feel. I was beat at Tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
[Pause]
Russ Cargill: [cynically] Goodbye.
[Cargill's screen switches off.]


Russ Cargill: Mr. President?
President Schwarzenegger: Ja, dat is me.
Russ Cargill: Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
President Schwarzenegger: Oh, I hate this job! Everything's "crisis" this and "end of the world" that! Nobody opens with a joke! I miss Danny DeVito.
Russ Cargill: You want a joke, huh? Stop me if you've heard... THIS one!
[He holds up a cage containing the squirrel mutated by the polluted lake]
President Schwarzenegger: Aaah! Look at those angry eyes and giant teeth! It's like Christmas at the Kennedy Compound!
Russ Cargill: You know, sir, when you made me head to the EPA, you were applauded for appointing one of the most successful men of the America to the least successful agency in government. And why did I take the job? Cause I'm a rich man, and wanted to give something back. Not the money, but something. So here's our chance to kick some ass for Mother Earth!
President Schwarzenegger: I'm listening.
Russ Cargill: [gets out five files] Well, I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options. Each will cause untold misery and--
President Schwarzenegger: I pick number three!
Russ Cargill: You don't wanna read them first?
President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to lead, not to read. Number three!

[After Bart gets in trouble for skateboarding in the nude]
Homer: Okay, son, let's get some lunch.
Bart: Did you at least bring my clothes?
Homer: [handing him his shirt and socks] Shirt, socks, everything you need.
Bart: You didn't bring my pants!
Homer: Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
Bart: Oh, this is the worst day of my life.
Homer: [jovially] The worst day of your life so far!

[After Grandpa's experience, the family drive home (Grandpa is still wrapped up in the rug)]
Homer: Okay, who wants waffles?
Bart, Lisa and Grandpa: I do, I do, I do--!
Marge: Wait a minute, what about Grampa?
Bart: [ignoring Marge] I want syrup!
Lisa: [also ignoring Marge] I want strawberries!
Marge: Something happened to that man--
Homer: I'll tell you what happened: A certain someone had a senior moment. But that's okay because we love him, and we got a free rug out of it! [kisses Grandpa on the forehead]
Marge: What is the point of going to church every Sunday, when if someone we love has a genuine religious experience, we ignore it?! Right, Grandpa?
[Pause]
Grandpa: [to Homer] I want bananas on my waffles!
Homer: I rest my case.
[The Simpsons arrive for breakfast]
Marge: I'm not dropping this.
[Marge exits the car. The rest of the family follow after her, except for Grandpa]
Grandpa: Wait a minute! I'm still in the car!
Homer: Oh, right.
[Homer returns, rolls down the window, shuts the door, and leaves again]

[After the dome is placed over Springfield]
Sideshow Mel: [hitting the dome with his bone] What ruthless madmen could have done this to us?!
Russ Cargill: The United States Government. [appears on a holographic screen on the side of the dome] My name is Russ Cargill. I'm head of the EPA.
[Everyone murmurs in confusion]
Moe: The what?
Russ Cargill: The Environmental Protection Agency.
Lenny: Come again?
Russ Cargill: Look, I'm a man on a big TV! Just listen! Springfield has become...
Random Springfield Citizen: Woo! Springfield!
Russ Cargill: ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.
Krusty: Drama queen!
Russ Cargill: To prevent your poisons from spreading, the government has sealed you all within this dome. Believe me, it's the last thing we wanted to do. I mean, I do own the company that made the dome, but that's beside the point.
Moe: What, are you telling us we're trapped like rats?!
Russ Cargill: No, rats couldn't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
Lisa: Wait! We couldn't be more polluted - everyone stopped dumping in the lake.
Russ Cargill: Apparently, someone didn't get the message.
Homer: [to Plopper] Act natural.
Carl: Hey, buddy, sooner or later, people are gonna come by and discover this!
Russ Cargill: You don't need to worry about that. We found a way to take you off the map.
[cuts to a man in his car with a GPS map]
GPS Voice: Coming up on your right... [Springfield is removed from the map] nothing.

[As the state-of-the-art bomb is lowered into the dome]
Marge: In spite of everything, I miss your father.
Bart: Me too. His big fat ass could shield us all.

[as they are being listened to by the National Security Agency]
Woman: You hang up first.
Man: Nooooo, you hang up first.
Woman: Okay! [hangs up]
Man: What th-She hung up on me!

[At a concert, Green Day are being extremely well received by the citizens of Springfield]
Billie Joe Armstrong: Well, thanks a lot for coming. We've been playing for three and a half hours, and now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment!
[The crowd is silent for a moment and then starts booing and throwing garbage]
Carl Carlson: Shut up and play!
Barney Gumble: Preachy!
Mike Dirnt: We're not being preachy!
Tr? Cool: But the pollution in your lake, it's dissolving our barge!
Lisa: I thought they touched on a vital issue.
Moe: I beg to differ. [throws a rock through the bass drum and hits Tr? Cool in the crotch]
Tr? Cool: OWW!
[The barge continues to dissolve and starts sinking.]
Mike Dirnt: Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.
[The band members bring out violins and play Nearer, My God, to Thee as the barge sinks in a Titanic-like manner]

[At the end, the whole town helps the Simpsons to rebuild their home. Homer tries to hammer in a nail while shingling the roof, in the same manner as earlier]
Homer: Steady... Steady... Steady...
[Bart remembers what happened last time, and gives Homer some safety goggles]
Bart: Here you go, dad.
Homer: [smiles] Thanks, son. [concentrates on the nail again] Steady... [appears to hammer it in successfully] Woohoo!
[As he stands up in triumph, he realises he has actually hammered it into his leg]
Homer: WWWWWWWWHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
[He runs across the roof in agony, dragging the linked shingles along with him, until he stumbles off the roof. Bart laughs at him.]

[At the very end of the credits, the Squeaky Voiced Teen is seen in the theatre cleaning up.]
Squeaky Voiced Teen: Assistant manager isn't all it's cracked up to be! Four years of film school for this?
[The Squeaky Voiced Teen leaves. The screen fades to black and the movie finally ends.]

[Bart refuses to help Homer get rid of the bomb and save Springfield.]
Homer: I'll let you hold the bomb...
Bart: [changes his demeanor] The man knows me!
[He joins Homer on his motorcycle, and they drive away to dispose of the bomb]
Todd: I wish Homer was my father.
Ned: [jovially] And I wish you didn't have the Devil's curly hair!
[Todd whimpers]

[Bart remembers a fishing trip with Homer, in the form of a flashback]
Bart: Dad, it's not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish.
Homer: If you love fish like I do, you'll want them to die with dignity!
[Homer puts the bug zapper in the lake, and reaches for one of the many dead fish now floating on the surface.]
Homer: I think I have a nibble...
[Homer gets electrocuted from the fish as he picks it up, but doesn't seem smart enough to notice or care. He starts eating it, getting repeatedly electrocuted in front of a disturbed Bart.]

[During Homer's psychological experience]
Medicine Woman: Unless you have an epiphany, you will spend the remainder of your days alone.
Homer: Okay, epiphany, epiphany, epiphany. Ooh! Bananas are an excellent source of potassium!
[Homer gets slapped by the branches of surrounding trees]
Homer: Americans will never embrace soccer?
[Homer gets slapped twice and then lifted up]
Homer: More than two shakes and it's just playing with yourself?
[Homer gets slapped three times, punched in the gut, and kicked in the crotch; the branches then take his body apart, and the pieces (save his eyes and mouth) begin to melt]
Homer: [sadly] Oh, do whatever you want with me. I don't care about myself anymore.
[Suddenly, the pieces return to normal, and Homer's eyes and mouth are stuck back onto his head]
Medicine Woman: [offscreen] Because...?
Homer: [coming to a realisation] Because... other people are just as important as me. In fact, without them, I'm nothing! [a branch urges him to continue] In order to save myself... [smiles] I have to save Springfield! That's it! [pause] Isn't it?
[The branches reassemble him, and clap in applause]

[During the credits, the Simpsons are seen sitting in a movie theatre]
Bart: Come on Dad, let's go! I've been holding it since they put the dome over the town!
Homer: You can wait. A lot of people worked really hard on this film, and all they ask is for you to memorize their names.
Lisa: Well, I want to make sure no animals were harmed during the filming of this movie.
[Lisa sees the words "No animals were harmed during the filming of this movie" on screen.]
Lisa: Phew!
Homer: Okay!
[The family starts to leave. Homer finds popcorn on the floor.]
Homer: Ooh! Floor popcorn!
[Homer eats the popcorn]
[Maggie points frantically at the screen]
Lisa: Wait, wait, wait! It looks like Maggie has something to say!
Marge: Oh my God, her first word!
Maggie: Sequel?
[Pause]
[The family finally leaves]

[During the credits, Tom Hanks is making an announcement.]
Tom Hanks: This is Tom Hanks saying: if you see me in person, please leave me be.