The Simpsons Movie quotes

View Quote Ned Flanders: The good Lord, he's telling me to confess to something.
Homer: [quietly with fingers crossed] Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!...
Ned Flanders: An immodest sense of pride in our community.
[Pause]
Reverend Lovejoy: Somebody else.

View Quote Reverend Lovejoy: Let the Lord's light shine upon you. Feel the spirit. Let it out!
[Grandpa, who has just had the Lord's light shine upon him, suddenly goes into a possessed frenzy.]
Grandpa: HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEEEEEEEN! [pointing at random people] And they're gonna happen to you, and you, and you, [points at Marge] and you! Whoa, Nelly!
[He falls to the floor, whimpering and babbling. Comic Book Guy records him on his cell phone.]
Grandpa: People of Springfield, heed this warning: Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! TRAPPED FOREVER!
[Grandpa walks in a circle on the floor, making turkey-like gobbling noises.]
Lisa: Dad, do something!
Homer: [frantically flicking through the Bible] This book doesn't have any answers!
Grandpa: Beware! Beware! Time is short! Epa! Epa! EEEEEEEEPAAAAAAAA!!! Believe me! BELIEVE ME!
[Homer rolls him up in the aisle rug and drags him out of the church.]
Grandpa: [babbles again briefly] Thanks for listening!

View Quote [After Grandpa's experience, the family drive home (Grandpa is still wrapped up in the rug)]
Homer: Okay, who wants waffles?
Bart, Lisa and Grandpa: I do, I do, I do--!
Marge: Wait a minute, what about Grampa?
Bart: [ignoring Marge] I want syrup!
Lisa: [also ignoring Marge] I want strawberries!
Marge: Something happened to that man--
Homer: I'll tell you what happened: A certain someone had a senior moment. But that's okay because we love him, and we got a free rug out of it! [kisses Grandpa on the forehead]
Marge: What is the point of going to church every Sunday, when if someone we love has a genuine religious experience, we ignore it?! Right, Grandpa?
[Pause]
Grandpa: [to Homer] I want bananas on my waffles!
Homer: I rest my case.
[The Simpsons arrive for breakfast]
Marge: I'm not dropping this.
[Marge exits the car. The rest of the family follow after her, except for Grandpa]
Grandpa: Wait a minute! I'm still in the car!
Homer: Oh, right.
[Homer returns, rolls down the window, shuts the door, and leaves again]

View Quote [Homer re-shingles the roof. Bart is up with him.]
Homer: [trying to hammer a nail] Steady... Steady... [Homer pulls the hammer back and stabs himself in the eye] Oww!!!
[Bart laughs at him]
Homer: [pulls hammer from his eye but keeping his hurt eye closed] Why, you little--!! [strangles Bart] I'll teach you to laugh... at something... that's funny!!!
Bart: [struggles free] You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
Homer: [bitter] What kind of fun?
Bart: ... How about a dare contest?
Homer: [lightens up and opens his injured eye] That sounds fun. I dare you to... climb the TV antenna!
Bart: [does so] Piece of cake.
Homer: [shakes the antennae] Earthquake!
[They both laugh. Bart is thrown off the antenna and bounces down the roof, grabbing the gutter before he can fall off.]
Homer: [shakes the gutter] Aftershock!
[They continue to laugh, until Ned Flanders notices them from his garden.]
Ned: Homer, I don't mean to be a nervous Pervis or anything, but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a parapleg-erino?
Homer: Shut up, Flanders!
Bart: Yeah, shut up, Flanders!
Homer: Well said, boy!
[They high-five, and then Homer gets out his hammer again, readying another nail for the gutter.]
Homer: Steady... Steady... Steady... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
[Homer has fallen through the roof. Bart laughs at him again.]

View Quote [Lisa goes door to door trying to educate people about the environment. She goes to the first house.]
Lisa: [rings doorbell] Hello. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday, but I'm sure you're as worried about the pollution in Lake Springfield as I am--
[The person has shut the door on Lisa. She goes to the next house]
Lisa: [Rings doorbell] Lake Springfield has more levels of mercury than either--
[The person has shut the door on Lisa. She goes to the next house. An old lady answers]
Old lady: Why, it's the little girl who saved my cat.
Lisa: Lake Springfield--
[The old lady shuts the door on Lisa. Lisa sighs and gives up.]

View Quote Colin: I'm Colin.
Lisa: I haven't seen you at school.
Colin: Just moved from Ireland. My dad's a musician.
Lisa: Is he--
Colin: He's not Bono.
Lisa: I just thought, because you're Irish and you care about...
Colin: [Sternly] He's not Bono.
Lisa: Do you play?
Colin: Just piano, guitar, trumpet, drums, and bass.
Lisa: [thinking] He's pure gold! For once in your life, be cool!
Colin: So, is your name as pretty as your face?
[Completly embarressed and flattered, Lisa bursts into shrieks of laughter and falls to the ground.]
Colin: You okay there? [Lisa continues heavily and wheezily giggling.]

View Quote [Marge watches the video of Grandpa on Comic Book Guy's phone.]
Grandpa (on video): Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! TRAPPED FOREVER! Epa! Epa!
Marge: "Epa"? What could that be?
Comic Book Guy: I believe that's the sound that the Green Lantern made when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid: "EEEEEEEEPAAH!"
[Slight pause]
Marge: ... Uhh... yeah. Thanks for coming over.
Comic Book Guy: Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants. Never known comfort like this!

View Quote [On the front lawn, Homer and Bart are still in their dare contest. Homer is carrying heavy bricks around on his back, while Bart shoots at him with a pellet gun.]
Homer: [yelping] ... Aiyee! ... Aiyee! ... D'oh! ... Oh, why did I... Aiyee! ...suggest this?! ... Ow! ... D'oh! ... D'oooo-ho-hoooh! ...
[Eventually, a timer dings. Homer's dare has ended.]
Homer: [drops the bricks] All right, boy. Time for the ultimate dare! I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger, and back... naked.
Bart: How naked?
Homer: Fourth base.
Bart: But girls might see my doodle.
Homer: Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you Chicken For Life! Every morning you'll wake up to "Good morning, Chicken!" And at your wedding I'll sing [to the tune of Here Comes the Bride] "Bawk, bawk, bawk-bawk! Bawk, bawk, bawk--"
[Bart skateboards off in the nude]
Homer: [incredulous] Bawk?!

View Quote Ned: Boys, before we eat, don't forget to thank the Lord for this bountiful--[a naked Bart crashes into the window] PENIS?!?
Rodd and Todd Flanders: Bountiful penis.
Todd Flanders: Amen.

View Quote [the police have cuffed a naked Bart to a pole.]
Bart: You can't just leave me out here!
Lou: Don't worry. We found a friend for you to play with.
Nelson: [points at Bart] Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
[a few hours later]
Nelson: [hoarsely, still pointing at Bart] Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
[Mrs. Muntz walks in.]
Mrs. Muntz: Nelson, honey, where've you been? [points at Bart] Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!

View Quote [After Bart gets in trouble for skateboarding in the nude]
Homer: Okay, son, let's get some lunch.
Bart: Did you at least bring my clothes?
Homer: [handing him his shirt and socks] Shirt, socks, everything you need.
Bart: You didn't bring my pants!
Homer: Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
Bart: Oh, this is the worst day of my life.
Homer: [jovially] The worst day of your life so far!

View Quote [Homer is happily eating a Krusty Burger while an angry Bart glares at him for not taking the blame when he should have.]
Homer: Hey, what's with you? [Accidentally spits on Bart]
Bart: [Wipes off spit] You really wanna know?
Homer: Of course I do. What kind of father wouldn't care about a PIG WEARING A HAT!
[He has noticed a pig wearing a chef's hat, sitting on a chair with Krusty the Clown. They are filming a commercial.]
Director: Action!
Krusty the Clown: [holding a sandwich] Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty for my new pork sandwich, the Clogger! If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico! [laughs, then takes a bite of the sandwich] Mmmm!
Director: And... we're clear.
[Krusty spits out the sandwich in disgust, then throws it away]
Krusty: Uggh... Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
[A saw is held up to the pig. It squeals in terror.]
Homer: [horrified] Wha--?!? You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
[The pig runs across to Homer, looking up at him in desperation. Homer briefly imagines himself and the pig dancing in a field to the song Happy Together, dressed as hippies. He then smiles and picks up the pig.]
Homer: You're coming home with me...

View Quote [Marge and Grandpa are discussing his prophecy while Maggie is playing a "Baby Blast" game on a handheld which she confiscated from Bart in church.]
Marge: [discussing Grandpa's prophecy with him] "A thousand eyes." What could that be?
Grandpa: Hmm... I'm pretty sure a thousand... is a number...
[Homer pokes his head in]
Homer: Hey, Marge! Isn't it great being married to somebody who's recklessly impulsive?
Marge: Actually, it's aged me horribly.
Homer: Then say hello to the newest Simpson!
[He comes in, carrying the pig (now named "Plopper"). Marge notices his twisted tail, and with shock remembers that part of Grandpa's prophecy.]
Marge: Homer... I believe that Grandpa's prophecy warned us about precisely this! Please get rid of that pig!
Homer: [not worried] Aw, you're gonna love him! Look, he does an impression of you...
[Homer pulls Plopper's tail, causing him to scream and then do a deep-throated growl similar to Marge's trademark groan]
Homer: [s****s] You nailed her! He also does me...
[He squeezes Plopper, causing him to belch. Marge laughs.]
Homer: You smiled, I'm off the hook!

View Quote [Bart remembers a fishing trip with Homer, in the form of a flashback]
Bart: Dad, it's not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish.
Homer: If you love fish like I do, you'll want them to die with dignity!
[Homer puts the bug zapper in the lake, and reaches for one of the many dead fish now floating on the surface.]
Homer: I think I have a nibble...
[Homer gets electrocuted from the fish as he picks it up, but doesn't seem smart enough to notice or care. He starts eating it, getting repeatedly electrocuted in front of a disturbed Bart.]

View Quote [Lisa has a girl talk with Marge about Colin]
Lisa: No, I still haven't told you the best part! He cares about the environment! No! I still haven't told you the best part! He's got an [with a heavy Irish accent] Irish brogue! [In normal voice] No, wait, I still haven't told you the best part! He's not imaginary!
Marge: Honey, that's great! But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man t-- [sees pig tracks on the ceiling] How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?!
Homer: [moving Plopper upside down across the ceiling while singing to the tune of the Spider-Man theme song] Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig. Look oooooout, he is a Spider-Pig.