Producers, The (2005)

Producers, The (2005) quotes

100 total quotes (ID: 470)

Carmen Ghia
Franz Liebkind
Leo Bloom
Max Bialystock
Multiple Characters
Roger De Bris
Ulla


Carmen: I'll take your coats, and hats...and your swastikas.
Max (to Leo): You didn't tell me we were still wearing them!
Leo: I didn't notice.
Max: Sorry. Just came from a big rally, everyone was wearing one.


I must tell my birds!

Ulla wake up at five A.M. every day. From five to seven, Ulla like to exercise. From seven to eight, Ulla like to take long shower. From eight to nine, Ulla like to have big Swedish breakfast. Many different herrings. From nine to eleven, Ulla like to practice her singing and her dancing. And at eleven, Ulla like to have sex. ... What time should I get here? (Max and Leo respond synchronicly - "Eleven")

Hold Me-Touch Me: I know, let's play the virgin milkmaid and the well-hung stable boy.
Max: Oh, I don't think I have the strength.
Hold Me-Touch Me: Don't worry, I'll be gentle. Oh dear, this milk is so heavy. I'll never reach the house. You there, well-hung stable boy, won't you please help me?
Max: Why of course my little dairy queen. First, I shall take your milk. Then, I shall take your VIRGINITY!

Max: I was a protege of the great Boris Tomashevsky. He taught me everything I know. I'll never forget, he turned to me on his death bed and said: "Maxella, alle menschen muss zu machen, jeden tug a gentzen kachen!"
Nun: What does that mean?
Max: Who knows, I don't speak Yiddish. Strangely enough, neither did he. But in my heart, I knew what he was saying. He was saying when you're down and out and everybody thinks you're finished, that's the time to stand up on your two feet and shout: "Who do you have to **** to get a break in this stinking town?"

I was never a member of the Nazi Party! I only followed orders. I had nothing to do with the war! I didn't even know there was a war. We lived at the back, near Switzerland. All we heard was yodelling... yoodle le he hoo! Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo, Yodelay, Yodelay, Yodelay-WHO ARE YOU!?!

May I take your hats, your coats, and your Swastikas?

Leo: So what time can you get here?
Ulla: Well, Ulla wake up every morning at five AM. From five to seven, Ulla exercise. From seven to eight Ulla like to take long shower. From eight to nine Ulla eat big Swedish breakfast. Many different herrings. From nine to eleven, Ulla practice her singing und her dancing. And at eleven, Ulla like to have sex. So, what time should Ulla get here?
Leo and Max: Eleven.
Ulla: Good! Ulla will come at eleven!
Max: [holding his head in his hands] Ulla will come at eleven...
Ulla: God dag min vannina!
Leo and Max: God dag min vannina... ninna...
Ulla: God bless America!
[Ulla leaves]
Max: God bless Sweden!

AQAP! [pause] As quick (kvick) as possible!

Leo: What's your name?
Ulla: Ulla Inga Hansen Bensen Yansen Tallen Hallen Svadon Swanson.
Max: What's your first name?
Ulla: That was my first name. Would you like to know my last name?
Max: We don't have the time.

Franz: The punishment for breaking the Zigfried Oaths is dess.
Max: Dess? Is that anything like 'Death'?
Franz: Yeth!

We got the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did we go right?

Hello, the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger Debris, in an elegant eastside townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June. Who may I say is calling?
[Got angry] Listen, you broken down old queen, he was drunk, he was hot, you got lucky, don't ever call here again!
[Roger in other room] Who was that!?
Wrong number!

Judge: And who might you be, my dear?
Ulla: Ulla Inga Hansen Bensen Yonsen Tallen-Hallen Svaden-Svanson... Bloom.
Judge: You're HIS wife?
Ulla: He wouldn't do it unless we got married!
Judge: What a schmuck!

Leo and Max: We can do it! We can do it!
Max: Every show I touch I doom!
Leo and Max: We were fated, To be mated, We're Bialystock and Bloom!