Napoleon Dynamite quotes

View Quote Billowy's good.

View Quote Vern: What are you going to do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!
Napoleon: (takes a bottle of juice from the refrigerator and stops short) Who are you?
Lafawnduh: I'm Lafawnduh.
Napoleon: What are you doing here?
Lafawnduh: Waiting for Kip. (short pause) Why are you so sweaty? (points at him)
Napoleon: 'Been practicing.
Lafawnduh: Practicing what?
Napoleon: My dance moves (compulsively turns his head and takes a swig of juice).

View Quote Teacher: Your current event, Napoleon.
Napoleon: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Curt Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its residents, and all those who seek a peaceful existence with our underwater ally.

View Quote Napoleon: Hey, can I use your guys' phone for a sec?
Secretary: Is there anything wrong?
Napoleon: I don't feel very good. [takes telephone and dials number]
Kip: [on other line, making nachos] Hi.
Napoleon: Is grandma there?
Kip: No, she's getting her hair done.
Napoleon: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Kip: What do you need?
Napoleon: Can you just go get her for me?
Kip: I'm really busy right now.
Napoleon: Just tell her to come get me.
Kip: Why?
Napoleon: 'Cause I don't feel good!
Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse?
Napoleon: No, she doesn't know anything... Will you just come get me?
Kip: No.
Napoleon: Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my ChapStick?
Kip: No, Napoleon.
Napoleon: But my lips hurt real bad!
Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has, like, five sticks in her drawer.
Napoleon: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!
Kip: See ya.
Napoleon: Ugh! Idiot!

View Quote Napoleon: How long did it take you to grow that moustache?
Pedro: Eh... a couple of days.

View Quote Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip!
Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous 'cause I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to become a cage fighter.
Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.
Napoleon: What?
Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.
Napoleon: [comes down the stairs] Such an idiot...!
[After Napoleon tries and fails to hit Kip a few times, the doorbell rings]
Napoleon: I'll get it. [Slaps Kip in the face while he's not looking]
Kip: Geeeez!

View Quote Napoleon: Well, what is there to eat?
Grandma: Knock it off, Napoleon! Make yourself a dang quesadilla!
Napoleon: Fine!

View Quote Napoleon: So me and you are pretty much friends now right?
Pedro: Yes.
Napoleon: So you got my back and everything?
Pedro: What?!
Napoleon: Never mind.

View Quote Napoleon: My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance but she couldn't cause she's doing some modeling right now.
Pedro: Is she hot?
Napoleon: See for yourself. [hands him Deb's glamor shot sample]
Pedro: Wow.
Napoleon: Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamor shots for her birthday one year.
Pedro: I like her bangs.
Napoleon: Me too.

View Quote Uncle Rico: So, what do you think?
Kip: It's pretty cool, I guess.
Uncle Rico: Ohhhh, man, I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state.
Napoleon: This is pretty much the worst video ever made.
Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that.
Uncle Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave.
Napoleon: You guys are ****ed!

View Quote Pedro: Do you think people will vote for me?
Napoleon: Heck yes! I'd vote for you.
Pedro: Like what are my skills?
Napoleon: Well, you have a sweet bike, and you're really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you're,like, the only guy at school who has a mustache.
Pedro: That's true.

View Quote Pedro: If I win, you can be my secretary or something.
Napoleon: Sweet!

View Quote Uncle Rico: What about your girlfriend?
Kip: Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours everyday so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.

View Quote Pedro: Who was that?
Napoleon: Trisha.
Pedro: Who's she?
Napoleon: My woman I'm taking to the dance.
Pedro: Did you draw her a picture?
Napoleon: Heck yes I did.

View Quote Uncle Rico: I wish you wouldn't look at me like that, Napoleon.
Napoleon: I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up!
Uncle Rico: Let me tell you about something. While you're out there playing patty cake with your friend Pedro, your Uncle Rico is making a 120 bucks.
Napoleon: I could make that much money in 5 seconds!
Kip: Geez, yeah right, Napoleon. I made, like, 75 bucks today.
Uncle Rico: Napoleon, it looks like you don't have a job. So, why don't you go out there and feed Tina?
Napoleon: Why don't you go eat a decroded piece of crap?