Major League

Major League quotes

53 total quotes (ID: 369)

Harry Doyle
Jake Taylor
Lou Brown
Multiple Characters
Willie Mays Hayes


Ball four...ball eight...and Vaughn has walked the bases loaded on 12 consecutive pitches. How can these guys lay off pitches that close??


Rachel: This is a list of players that I want to invite to Spring Training this year.
Board Member #1: I've never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime.
Charlie: Most of these guys never had a prime.
Board Member #2: This guy here is dead.
Rachel: Cross him off then.

Rachel Phelps: [while Wild Thing is playing] I hate this ****in' song.

Haywood: Taylor what are you doin back up here?
Taylor: I couldn't cut it in the Mexican Leagues
Haywood: How's your wife and my kids?

[to Rexman] Hey, Rexman! Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife at the Capri Lounge last night. Hell of a dancer. You should be very very proud. Oh, and that guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend and all, but tell me, what was he doing wearing her panties on his head? [Rexman pops the ball straight up] Uh-oh, Rexie, I don't think this one's got the distance.

Rick: What's that shit on your chest?
Eddie: [wipes his finger across his chest] Crisco; [wipes his finger across his waist line] Bardol; [wipes his finger along his head] Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. 'Course if the umps are watching me real close I just rub a little jalapeño juice up my nose, get it runnin', and if I need to load the ball up I just... [wipes his nose] ...wipe my nose.
Rick: You put snot on the ball?
Eddie: I haven't got an arm like yours; I have to put anything on it I can find. Someday you will too.

Charlie Donovan: Vaughn's been looking good out there today.
Rachel Phelps: Don't worry, he'll blow it.

This guy threw at his own kid in a father/son game.

[wearing tuxedos, the whole team stands behind Home Plate]
Indians: Hello. Do you know us?
[putting on their caps]
Indians: We're a Major League Baseball team.
Jake: But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
Eddie: That's why we carry the American Express card.
Rick: No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.
Pedro: So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Roger: Look what it's done for us. People still DON'T recognize us but... [snaps his fingers]
Lou: We're contenders now.
Willie: [slides into Home Plate and holds up a green credit card] The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.

In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar.

Remember, fans, Tuesday is Die Hard Night. Free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant.

Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.

Lou: I thought you said we didn't have any high priced talent.
Charlie Donovan: I forgot about Dorn, cause he's only high priced.
Pepper: [Vaughn pulls up on a motorcycle] Take a look at this ****in' guy.
Lou: It's my kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team.

Forget about the curve ball Ricky, give him the heater.

Jake: [at the library, discussing Jake's one-night stand with a flight attendant] I had no choice. She bet me fifty dollars that she had a better body than you and I had to defend your honor.
Lynn Wells: Oh, what a bunch of bullshit! I have a much better body than she does!
[everyone in the library turns to look]
Jake: [to others] She's right.