Major League quotes

View Quote Jake Taylor: I play for the Indians.
Chaire Holloway: Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!
Jake: Yup, we've got uniforms and everything, it's really great!

View Quote Cerrano's looking for some extra power for tonight. He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Hey Jake, man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game!

View Quote Heywood: How's your wife and my kids?

View Quote Roger Dorn: Let's cut through the crap, Vaughn. I only got one thing to say to you: "Strike this mother ****er out."

View Quote Lou: [at a team meeting] Can I have your attention, please? I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
Roger: Even me?
Lou: Even you, Dorn.
Eddie: What if we DON'T finish last?
Lou: She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.
Jake: [stands] Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.
Roger: What's that?
Jake: Win the whole ****ing thing.
[long pause]
Willie: [stands] Yeah.
Pedro: [pounds his hand] YES!

View Quote Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.

View Quote Jake: That's my wife...
Willie: Does she know that?
Jake: Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed it up... who's that guy she's with?
Willie: I don't know. He's not wearing a nametag.
Rick: Want me to drag him outta here, kick the shit out of him?

View Quote [Introducing himself] Willie Mays Hayes. I play like Mays, and I run like Hayes.

View Quote This guy threw at his own kid in a father/son game.

View Quote Harry: [before the playoff game] Monty, anything to add?
Monty: Ummm... no.
Harry: He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!

View Quote Rachel Phelps: [while Wild Thing is playing] I hate this ****in' song.

View Quote Charlie Donovan: Vaughn's been looking good out there today.
Rachel Phelps: Don't worry, he'll blow it.

View Quote In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar.

View Quote Jake: [at the library, discussing Jake's one-night stand with a flight attendant] I had no choice. She bet me fifty dollars that she had a better body than you and I had to defend your honor.
Lynn Wells: Oh, what a bunch of bullshit! I have a much better body than she does!
[everyone in the library turns to look]
Jake: [to others] She's right.

View Quote Come on Dorn, get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this "ole" bullshit!