ALL A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

Major League

Major League quotes

53 total quotes

Harry Doyle
Jake Taylor
Lou Brown
Multiple Characters
Willie Mays Hayes




View Quote Pedro: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
Eddie: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Roger: Shit, Harris! [leaves]
Pedro: Ah, Jesus [pronounced hey-SOOS], I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
Eddie: You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?
Jake: Let's not start a holy war now.
View Quote Rick: What's that shit on your chest?
Eddie: [wipes his finger across his chest] Crisco; [wipes his finger across his waist line] Bardol; [wipes his finger along his head] Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. 'Course if the umps are watching me real close I just rub a little jalapeño juice up my nose, get it runnin', and if I need to load the ball up I just... [wipes his nose] ...wipe my nose.
Rick: You put snot on the ball?
Eddie: I haven't got an arm like yours; I have to put anything on it I can find. Someday you will too.
View Quote Lou: [answering the phone] Tire World.
Charlie: Lou, it's Charlie Donvan from Cleveland. How would you like to manage the Indians this year?
Lou: Gee, I don't know...
Charlie: What do you mean, you don't know? This is your chance to manage in the big leagues.
Lou: Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.
View Quote Rachel: This is a list of players that I want to invite to Spring Training this year.
Board Member #1: I've never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime.
Charlie: Most of these guys never had a prime.
Board Member #2: This guy here is dead.
Rachel: Cross him off then.
View Quote [wearing tuxedos, the whole team stands behind Home Plate]
Indians: Hello. Do you know us?
[putting on their caps]
Indians: We're a Major League Baseball team.
Jake: But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
Eddie: That's why we carry the American Express card.
Rick: No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.
Pedro: So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Roger: Look what it's done for us. People still DON'T recognize us but... [snaps his fingers]
Lou: We're contenders now.
Willie: [slides into Home Plate and holds up a green credit card] The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.
View Quote [to Rexman] Hey, Rexman! Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife at the Capri Lounge last night. Hell of a dancer. You should be very very proud. Oh, and that guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend and all, but tell me, what was he doing wearing her panties on his head? [Rexman pops the ball straight up] Uh-oh, Rexie, I don't think this one's got the distance.
View Quote Pedro Cerrano: I stuck up for you Jobu. You no help me now...I say **** you Jobu. I do it myself.
View Quote Jake: What I was concerned with was why you didn't come up with that grounder that Ryckert hit in the 9th
Roger: It was out of my reach, what do you want me to do dive for it?
Jake: Rog, it could have meant the game!
Roger: Oh come on, cut the rah rah shit Taylor! Year after this I go free agent. Plus me and my agent got a couple of plans for life after baseball. So I am not about to risk major injury or deface this property for a collection of stiffs!
Jake: Ya know Dorn, I liked you so much better when you were just a ballplayer. If you wanna be an interior decorator now, that's none of my business. But some of us still need this team. Now you listen to me! This is my last shot at a winner and for some of the younger guys it could be their only shot. I don't know what happened to you. But if you ever, ever tank another play like you did today, I'm gonna cut your nuts off and stuff em down your ****in throat!
View Quote Ball four...ball eight...and Vaughn has walked the bases loaded on 12 consecutive pitches. How can these guys lay off pitches that close??
View Quote Harry: [reading statistics on the air] And the Indians drop this one, 6-to-one to the Rangers. For the Indians, one run on, let's see, one hit...that's all we got? One god-damned hit?
Monty: [covering microphone] You can't say "god-damn" on the air!
Harry: Don't worry. Nobody's listening, anyway.
View Quote Eddie Harris: Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill.
View Quote Heywood: [afterHayes reached on a bloop infield single] You really knocked the crap out of that one.
Willie: Oh, I plan to get at least a double out of this. [shows Heywood his black gloves] I bought a hundred of these. One for every base I'm gonna steal. Excuse me while I take my first step toward the Hall of Fame.
Heywood: My ass.
Harry: [Hayes takes his lead off first base] We don't know where Hayes played last year, but I'm sure he did a hell of a job.
Heywood: You're gonna look real sharp, tryin' to steal second with your shoe untied.
Harry: [Hayes looks down, then gets thrown out by the pitcher] Throw to first... Hayes is picked off! Personally, I think we got hosed on that call.
View Quote Haywood: Taylor what are you doin back up here?
Taylor: I couldn't cut it in the Mexican Leagues
Haywood: How's your wife and my kids?
View Quote Pedro Cerrano: Hats for bats, keep bats warm.
View Quote Eddie Harris: Up your butt, Jobu.