Lou Brown quotes from Major League (1989)

Lou Brown

Nice catch, Hayes. Don't ever ****in' do it again.

Lou Brown

Well, you may run like Mays, but you hit like shit.

Lou Brown

Come on Dorn, get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this "ole" bullshit!

Lou Brown

Alright, Vaughn. They tell us you're a pitcher; you're sure not much of a dresser. We wear caps and sleeves at this level, son! Understood?

Lou

I thought you said we didn't have any high priced talent.

Charlie Donovan

I forgot about Dorn, cause he's only high priced.

Pepper

Take a look at this ****in' guy.

Lou

It's my kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team.

Hello. Do you know us?

We're a Major League Baseball team.

Jake

But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.

Eddie

That's why we carry the American Express card.

Rick

No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.

Pedro

So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.

Roger

Look what it's done for us. People still DON'T recognize us but... [snaps his fingers]

Lou

We're contenders now.

Willie

The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.

Lou

Tire World.

Charlie

Lou, it's Charlie Donvan from Cleveland. How would you like to manage the Indians this year?

Lou

Gee, I don't know...

Charlie

What do you mean, you don't know? This is your chance to manage in the big leagues.

Lou

Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.

Rick

I got news for you Mr. Brown, you haven't heard the last of me. You may think I'm shit now, but someday you're gonna be sorry you cut me. I'm gonna catch on somewhere else and every time that I pitch against you I'm gonna stick it up you're ****in' ass! [throws baseball against locker]

Lou

Good! I like that kind of spirit in a player. The only problem is I didn't cut you.

Rick

What?

Lou

I think someone's been having some fun with you.

Roger

Don't **** with me, Vaughn!

Rick

Yeah? [shouting] **** you!

Roger

What's the matter, rookie ****-Wad? Can't you take a little joke?

Rick

Real **** funny, asshole.

Lou

All right, [shouting] All right. Knock that shit off.

Roger

Lou, you better make it real clear to this little lady that I'm not about to take his shit.

Lou

Shut up, Dorn.

Lou

Can I have your attention, please? I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.

Roger

Even me?

Lou

Even you, Dorn.

Eddie

What if we DON'T finish last?

Lou

She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.

Jake

Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.

Roger

What's that?

Jake

Win the whole **** thing.

Willie

Yeah.

Pedro

YES!

Lou

I thought you said we didn't have any high-priced talent.

Charlie Donovan

Forgot about Dorn, cause he's only high-priced. Picked him up as a free agent three years ago.

Lou

Still hits the ball pretty well, doesn't he?

Charlie Donovan

Yeah, just can't field it. [Dorn gives cocky gesture to them]

Lou

We'll shape him up.

Lou

C'mon, Dorn! Get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this olè bullshit!

Roger

Look, I took one of those in the eye last year, and I am not about to lose my sight!

Lou

I'm deeply moved. Every time I see you play one your hips, you owe me forty sit-ups.

Roger

What?

Roger

Look here, Lou. My contract clearly states I don't have to do any calisthenics that I don't feel are necessary. So what do you think about that?
[Lou grabs the contract, throws it on the ground, and urinates on it before walking away]

Charlie Donovan

Hi, Lou.

Lou

Donovan, what're you doing here?

Charlie Donovan

Well, I just wanted to get back out on the road again. You know, you had a hell of a road trip. You nearly pulled that one out today.

Lou

Someday, we'll figure out a way to beat those guys.

Charlie Donovan

You know, you've done a great job this year.

Lou

60–61 is hardly a great job.

Charlie Donovan

With this club, it is.

Lou

You know, there's a lot of talent on this club, Charlie. The veterans are starting to play back to form, and the rookies are developing faster than I thought; there's two or three potential All-Stars in there. I think we're a contender right now.

Charlie Donovan

You really believe that, don't you?

Lou

I know it. All we need is something to bring it all together.

Charlie Donovan

...Rachel Phelps will never allow that to happen.

Pepper

You want me to go get him?

Lou

No, let's see how he reacts.

Harry

Well Brown is apparently going to stick with Vaughn here as the Indians trail 8-0. Coleman steps in - a .281 lifetime hitter. Taylor with the sign; Vaughn into the motion with his pitch.

Harry

Uh oh!

Lou

Interesting.

Harry

'Bout time, it's 8-0.

You! You're gone!

Rick

What?!

You heard me, you're gone!

Rick

He was right on top of the plate!

Lou

I think you can go get him now.

Rick

The ball slipped out of my hand, it was an accident!

You threw at him intentionally.

Rick

Oh, kiss my ass!

Get out of here.

Rick

You're full of shit! **** you!

Get out of here, rookie!

Rick

Hey, why don't you blow me, ump?!

Lou

How's it holding up, Eddie? You look a little tired.

Eddie

I'm throwin' every piece of junk I can think of at 'em, skipper. I got enough left for one more hitter.

Lou

Naw, you've pitched a helluva game. Take a seat, we'll see if we can get this guy out for ya. [Harris leaves semi-dejected to the dugout. The crowd gives him a polite standing ovation]

Jake

Good game, Eddie.

Lou

Give me Vaughn.

Jake

You want Vaughn?

Lou

I know he hasn't done very well against this guy, but I got a hunch he's due.