Juno

Juno quotes

89 total quotes (ID: 307)

Bren MacGuff
Juno MacGuff
Mac MacGuff
Multiple Characters


The funny thing is that Steve Rendazo secretly wants me. Jocks like him always want freaky girls. Girls with horn-rimmed glasses and vegan footwear and Goth makeup. Girls who play the cello and wear Converse All-Stars and want to be children’s librarians when they grow up. Oh yeah, jocks totally eat that shit up. They just won’t admit it because they’re supposed to be into perfect cheerleaders like Leah, who, incidentally, is into teachers.


Mac: So, Juno, how was your little maneuver last night?
Juno: Which maneuver, sir? The one where I moved an entire living room set from one lawn to another, or the one where I drank a 64-ounce blue Slushee in ten minutes?
Bren: Juno, did you by any chance barf in my urn? Mac, you know that nice urn by the front door that I got up in Stillwater? I found some blue shit... [looks at Liberty Bell] Gunk. Stuff. In my urn.
Juno: I would never barf in your urn, Bren. Maybe LB did it.

Su-Chin: I'm having a little trouble concentrating.
Juno: Oh, well, I could sell you some of my Aderall, if you want.
Su-Chin: No thanks, I'm off pills.
Juno: That's a wise choice because I knew this girl who, like, had this crazy freak out because she took too many behavioral meds at once and she like ripped off her clothes, and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and was like, "Blagh! I am a Kraken from the sea!"
Su-Chin: I heard that was you.
Juno: [after an awkward pause] So, it was good seeing you, Su-Chin.

My dad used to be in the Army, but now he's just your average H-VAC specialist. He and my mom got divorced when I was five and now she lives on a Havasu reservation in Arizona with her new husband and three replacement kids. Oh, and she inexplicably mails me a cactus every Valentine's Day. And I'm like, "Thanks a heap, Coyote Ugly, this cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment."

Juno: He said her house smells like soup.
Leah: Oh my god it does! I was there like four years ago for her birthday party. It's like Lipton landing!

Bren: I have sacrificed a lot for you, Juno, and when you move out I'm getting Weimaraners!
Juno: Whoa, dream big!
Bren: Oh, go fly a kite!

Juno: Your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday.
Paulie: Katrina's not my girlfriend, all right? And I doubt she gave you the stinkeye. That's just how her face looks, you know? That's just her face.

Su-Chin: [protesting outside the abortion clinic] All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned!

Juno: I could like, have this baby and give it to someone who like totally needs it.
Leah: You should look in the PennySaver.
Juno: They have ads for parents?
Leah: Yeah! '"Desperately Seeking Spawn."

Bren: [to an ultrasound technician] Why don't you go back to night school in Manteno and learn a real trade?
Juno: Bren, you's a dick! I love it!

Paulie Bleeker: I know that you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV, and then The Blair Witch Project was coming on Starz and you were like, "I haven't seen this since it came out so we should watch it" and, "but oh, no, we should just make out instead", la la la.

Juno: I'm pregnant.
Leah: What? Honest to blog? Maybe it's a food baby, did you have a big lunch?
Juno: This is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout.
Leah: How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests? That's amazing!
Juno: I don't know, I drank like ten tons of Sunny D! I'm telling you I'm pregnant and you're acting shockingly cavalier.
Leah: Is this for real? Like for real, for real?
Juno: Yes.
Leah: Oh my GOD! Oh SHIT! Phuket, Thailand!
Juno: That was kind of the emotion that I was searching for on the first take.

Rollo: You better pay for that pee-stick when you're done with it. Don't think it's yours just because you marked it with your urine!

Leah: [seeing Juno and Paulie kissing] You know, you can go into early labor sucking face like that! [Juno gives her the finger]

Mark: [singing] If you can't decide between a little breakfast and lunch, why don't you microwave yourself a little bowl of brunch?