Multiple Characters quotes

Rollo: You better pay for that pee-stick when you're done with it. Don't think it's yours just because you marked it with your urine!

Paulie Bleeker: I know that you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV, and then The Blair Witch Project was coming on Starz and you were like, "I haven't seen this since it came out so we should watch it" and, "but oh, no, we should just make out instead", la la la.

Leah:[reading] "Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple have found true love with each other." Aw... all that's missing is your bastard!

Leah: [seeing Juno and Paulie kissing] You know, you can go into early labor sucking face like that! [Juno gives her the finger]

Mark: [singing] If you can't decide between a little breakfast and lunch, why don't you microwave yourself a little bowl of brunch?

Su-Chin: [protesting outside the abortion clinic] All babies want to get borned! All babies want to get borned!

Su-Chin: [Seeing Juno running out of the clinic] God appreciates your miracle!

Vijay: I'm gonna stop wearing underwear. Raise my sperm count.

Paulie: I've wanted this for a really long time.
Juno: I know.
Paulie: Wizard...

Rollo: Well fertile Myrtle, what's the prognosis? Minus or plus?
Juno: [taking a pregnancy test] I don't know. It's not seasoned yet. [grabs some candy] I'll take some of these. Nope... There it is. The little pink plus sign is so unholy.
Rollo: [as Juno shakes the test like a thermometer] That ain't no Etch-a-Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet.

Leah: Yo yo yiggidy yo.
Juno: I'm a suicide risk.
Leah: Juno?
Juno: No, it's Morgan Freeman, do you have any bones that need collecting?
Leah: Only the one in my pants, haha.

Juno: I'm pregnant.
Leah: What? Honest to blog? Maybe it's a food baby, did you have a big lunch?
Juno: This is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout.
Leah: How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests? That's amazing!
Juno: I don't know, I drank like ten tons of Sunny D! I'm telling you I'm pregnant and you're acting shockingly cavalier.
Leah: Is this for real? Like for real, for real?
Juno: Yes.
Leah: Oh my GOD! Oh SHIT! Phuket, Thailand!
Juno: That was kind of the emotion that I was searching for on the first take.

Juno: Well, I'm sorry I had sex with you. I know it wasn’t your idea.
Paulie: Whose idea was it?
Juno: I'll see you at school, okay? [mounts her bicycle and rides off]
Paulie: [to no one in particular] Whose idea was it?

Su-Chin: I'm having a little trouble concentrating.
Juno: Oh, well, I could sell you some of my Aderall, if you want.
Su-Chin: No thanks, I'm off pills.
Juno: That's a wise choice because I knew this girl who, like, had this crazy freak out because she took too many behavioral meds at once and she like ripped off her clothes, and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and was like, "Blagh! I am a Kraken from the sea!"
Su-Chin: I heard that was you.
Juno: [after an awkward pause] So, it was good seeing you, Su-Chin.

Leah: Dude, I think it's best to just tell 'em.
Juno: I'm pregnant.
Bren: Oh, God.
Juno: But, uh ah, I'm going to give it up for adoption and I already found the perfect couple, they're going to pay for the medical expenses and everything. And in... what, ah... thirty-odd weeks we can just pretend that this never happened.
Mac: You're pregnant?
Juno: I'm sorry. I'm sorry... And if it is any consolation I have heartburn that is radiating in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since Wednesday... morning!
Bren: I didn't even know that you were sexually active.
Juno: I, uh...
Mac: Who is the kid?
Juno: The-the baby? I don't really know much about it other than, I mean, it has fingernails, allegedly.
Bren: Nails, really?
Juno: Yeah!
Mac: No, I know I mean who's the father, Juno?
Juno: Umm... It's Paulie Bleeker.
Mac: [snorts incredulously] Paulie Bleeker?
Juno: What?
Mac: I didn't think he had it in him!
Leah: I know, right?

Mac: So, Juno, how was your little maneuver last night?
Juno: Which maneuver, sir? The one where I moved an entire living room set from one lawn to another, or the one where I drank a 64-ounce blue Slushee in ten minutes?
Bren: Juno, did you by any chance barf in my urn? Mac, you know that nice urn by the front door that I got up in Stillwater? I found some blue shit... [looks at Liberty Bell] Gunk. Stuff. In my urn.
Juno: I would never barf in your urn, Bren. Maybe LB did it.

Mac: Did you see that coming?
Bren: Yeah... but I was hoping she was expelled, or into hard drugs.
Mac: Yeah, that was my first instinct too...

Juno: Wow your shorts are like, especially gold today.
Paulie: My mom uses color-safe bleach.
Juno: Go Carol.
Paulie: I'll tell her.

Juno: So guess what.
Paulie: [hesitant] What?
Juno: I'm pregnant.

Punk Receptionist: Free condom? They're boysenberry.
Juno: No, thanks. I'm off sex right now.
Punk Receptionist: My boyfriend wears them every time we have intercourse, it makes his junk smell like pie.

Juno: I could like, have this baby and give it to someone who like totally needs it.
Leah: You should look in the PennySaver.
Juno: They have ads for parents?
Leah: Yeah! '"Desperately Seeking Spawn."

Leah: All right, how about this one? "Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love."
Juno: Yeesh, they sound like a cult, is what the sound like! And besides they already have three kids. They're just like greedy little bitches!

Mac: And this, of course, is Juno.
Mark: Like the city in Alaska.
Juno: No.
Mark: No? [pause] Shall we sit down and get to know one another?
Vanessa: Oh, I thought I would get some drinks. What would anyone like? I have Pellegrino, or Vitamin Water or Orange Juice or...
Juno: I'll have a Maker's Mark. Up.
Mac: She's kidding. Junebug has a wonderful sense of humor. Just one of her many genetic gifts.

Juno: Oh, wicked pic in the PennySaver, by the way. Super classy — not like those people with the fake woods in the background. Honestly, who do they think they're fooling?
Vanessa: You found us in the PennySaver?

Juno: Can't we just like kick this old school? You know, like I stick the baby in a basket, send it your way, like Moses and the reeds?
Mark: Technically, that would be kicking it Old Testament.

Gerta Rauss: ...So, we all agree that a closed adoption is the best decision for all involved?
Juno: SSSHHIT! YES! Close it up!

Vanessa: You think you're really going to do this?
Juno: Yeah, I like you guys. If I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I'm guessing it looks probably like a sea monkey right now and we should let it get a little cuter.

Vijay: You should grow a mustache.
Paulie: I can't.
Vijay: Me neither.

Leah: [at Juno’s ultrasound test] Dude, that thing looks freaky.
Juno: Hey, I am a sacred vessel; all you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.

Bren: [to an ultrasound technician] Why don't you go back to night school in Manteno and learn a real trade?
Juno: Bren, you's a dick! I love it!

Mac: What's that thing?
Vanessa: It's a pilates machine.
Mac: What do you make with it?
Vanessa: Oh...you don't make anything with it, it's for exercise.

Juno: So have you and Vanessa thought of a name for the baby yet?
Mark: Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison for a girl.
Juno: [aghast] Madison? Isn't that kind of... I don't know, gay?

Juno: My dad had this weird obsession with Roman or Greek mythology or something and he decided to name me after Zeus' wife.
Mark: Zeus' wife?
Juno: Yeah and I mean Zeus had tons of lays but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wife. And apparently she was supposed to be super beautiful but really mean...kind of like Diana Ross.

Mark: Vanessa gave me my own room for all my stuff.
Juno: She gave you your own room in...in your whole house? For your...for your stuff? Wow, she's got you on a long leash, Mark.

Vanessa: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno: Nah, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

Juno: Listen, Bren-duhhh, you're acting like you're the one who has to go through this and get huge and shove a baby out of your vag for someone else. What does it even matter if Mark's married? I can have friends that are married.
Bren: It doesn't work that way, kiddo. You don't know squat about the dynamics of marriage.
Juno: You don't know anything about me!
Bren: I know enough.

Bren: I have sacrificed a lot for you, Juno, and when you move out I'm getting Weimaraners!
Juno: Whoa, dream big!
Bren: Oh, go fly a kite!

Paulie: I still have your underwear.
Juno: I still have your virginity.
Paulie: [exasperated] Would you shut up?

Vanessa: What's wrong? Why are you crying?
Juno: I'm not crying. I'm just allergic to fine home furnishing.

Juno: [yelling through the house] Uh, dad?
Mac: Yeah?
Juno: Either I just peed my pants... or...
Mac: [stops what he's doing and looks up] "Or"...?
Juno: Or... THUNDERCATS ARE GO!

Vanessa: How do I look?
Bren: Like a new mom. Scared shitless.

Juno: What about Katrina De Voort? You could totally go out with Katrina De Voort.
Paulie: No, I don't like Katrina. She smells like soup. Have you ever smelled her? I mean, her whole house smells like soup!

Juno: He said her house smells like soup.
Leah: Oh my god it does! I was there like four years ago for her birthday party. It's like Lipton landing!

Juno: Your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday.
Paulie: Katrina's not my girlfriend, all right? And I doubt she gave you the stinkeye. That's just how her face looks, you know? That's just her face.

Juno: Ow, ow, ****ity-ow! Bren, when do I get that spinal tap thing?
Bren: It's called a spinal block, and you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough.
Juno: You mean I have to wait for it to get worse! Why can't they just give it to me now?
Bren:: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream.

Juno: I think I'm in love with you.
Paulie: You mean as friends?
Juno: No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met — and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie: I try really hard, actually.
[...]
Paulie: Can we make out now?
Juno: Yeah. [kisses him]

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