Juno quotes

89 total quotes

Bren MacGuff
Juno MacGuff
Mac MacGuff
Multiple Characters

View Quote Bren: [to an ultrasound technician] Why don't you go back to night school in Manteno and learn a real trade?
Juno: Bren, you's a dick! I love it!

View Quote I don't know, I just wanted something a little more edgier. I was thinking more like graphic designer, mid-thirties, you know? With a cool Asian girlfriend, who, like dresses awesome and rocks out on the bass guitar. But I don't want to be too particular.

View Quote Juno: He said her house smells like soup.
Leah: Oh my god it does! I was there like four years ago for her birthday party. It's like Lipton landing!

View Quote Yeah, you just take Soupy Sales to prom. I can think of so many cooler things to do that night. Like, you know what Bleek? I might pumice my feet, uh, I might go to Bren's dumb Unitarian Church, maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice, you know? 'Cause all those things would be exponentially cooler than going to prom with you!

View Quote Juno: Can't we just like kick this old school? You know, like I stick the baby in a basket, send it your way, like Moses and the reeds?
Mark: Technically, that would be kicking it Old Testament.

View Quote That's my stepmom, Bren. She's completely obsessed with dogs, owns a nail salon, and always smells like methyl methacrylate.

View Quote Someone else is gonna find a precious blessing from Jesus in this garbage dump of a situation.

View Quote Juno: [yelling through the house] Uh, dad?
Mac: Yeah?
Juno: Either I just peed my pants... or...
Mac: [stops what he's doing and looks up] "Or"...?
Juno: Or... THUNDERCATS ARE GO!

View Quote Juno: I could like, have this baby and give it to someone who like totally needs it.
Leah: You should look in the PennySaver.
Juno: They have ads for parents?
Leah: Yeah! '"Desperately Seeking Spawn."

View Quote In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty... handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

View Quote Juno: Listen, Bren-duhhh, you're acting like you're the one who has to go through this and get huge and shove a baby out of your vag for someone else. What does it even matter if Mark's married? I can have friends that are married.
Bren: It doesn't work that way, kiddo. You don't know squat about the dynamics of marriage.
Juno: You don't know anything about me!
Bren: I know enough.

View Quote Juno: Wow your shorts are like, especially gold today.
Paulie: My mom uses color-safe bleach.
Juno: Go Carol.
Paulie: I'll tell her.

View Quote [to an ultrasound technician] My five-year-old daughter could do that, and let me tell you, she is not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, so why don't you go back to night school in Manteno and learn a real trade?

View Quote Mark: [singing] If you can't decide between a little breakfast and lunch, why don't you microwave yourself a little bowl of brunch?

View Quote Juno: Ow, ow, ****ity-ow! Bren, when do I get that spinal tap thing?
Bren: It's called a spinal block, and you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough.
Juno: You mean I have to wait for it to get worse! Why can't they just give it to me now?
Bren:: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream.