Juno

Juno quotes

89 total quotes (ID: 307)

Bren MacGuff
Juno MacGuff
Mac MacGuff
Multiple Characters


Juno: I think I'm in love with you.
Paulie: You mean as friends?
Juno: No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met — and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie: I try really hard, actually.
[...]
Paulie: Can we make out now?
Juno: Yeah. [kisses him]


Juno: I'm pregnant.
Leah: What? Honest to blog? Maybe it's a food baby, did you have a big lunch?
Juno: This is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout.
Leah: How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests? That's amazing!
Juno: I don't know, I drank like ten tons of Sunny D! I'm telling you I'm pregnant and you're acting shockingly cavalier.
Leah: Is this for real? Like for real, for real?
Juno: Yes.
Leah: Oh my GOD! Oh SHIT! Phuket, Thailand!
Juno: That was kind of the emotion that I was searching for on the first take.

Juno: Listen, Bren-duhhh, you're acting like you're the one who has to go through this and get huge and shove a baby out of your vag for someone else. What does it even matter if Mark's married? I can have friends that are married.
Bren: It doesn't work that way, kiddo. You don't know squat about the dynamics of marriage.
Juno: You don't know anything about me!
Bren: I know enough.

Juno: My dad had this weird obsession with Roman or Greek mythology or something and he decided to name me after Zeus' wife.
Mark: Zeus' wife?
Juno: Yeah and I mean Zeus had tons of lays but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wife. And apparently she was supposed to be super beautiful but really mean...kind of like Diana Ross.

Juno: Oh, wicked pic in the PennySaver, by the way. Super classy — not like those people with the fake woods in the background. Honestly, who do they think they're fooling?
Vanessa: You found us in the PennySaver?

Juno: Ow, ow, ****ity-ow! Bren, when do I get that spinal tap thing?
Bren: It's called a spinal block, and you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough.
Juno: You mean I have to wait for it to get worse! Why can't they just give it to me now?
Bren:: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream.

Juno: So guess what.
Paulie: [hesitant] What?
Juno: I'm pregnant.

Juno: So have you and Vanessa thought of a name for the baby yet?
Mark: Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison for a girl.
Juno: [aghast] Madison? Isn't that kind of... I don't know, gay?

Juno: Well, I'm sorry I had sex with you. I know it wasn’t your idea.
Paulie: Whose idea was it?
Juno: I'll see you at school, okay? [mounts her bicycle and rides off]
Paulie: [to no one in particular] Whose idea was it?

Juno: What about Katrina De Voort? You could totally go out with Katrina De Voort.
Paulie: No, I don't like Katrina. She smells like soup. Have you ever smelled her? I mean, her whole house smells like soup!

Juno: Wow your shorts are like, especially gold today.
Paulie: My mom uses color-safe bleach.
Juno: Go Carol.
Paulie: I'll tell her.

Juno: Your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday.
Paulie: Katrina's not my girlfriend, all right? And I doubt she gave you the stinkeye. That's just how her face looks, you know? That's just her face.

Leah: [at Juno’s ultrasound test] Dude, that thing looks freaky.
Juno: Hey, I am a sacred vessel; all you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.

Leah: All right, how about this one? "Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love."
Juno: Yeesh, they sound like a cult, is what the sound like! And besides they already have three kids. They're just like greedy little bitches!

Leah: Dude, I think it's best to just tell 'em.
Juno: I'm pregnant.
Bren: Oh, God.
Juno: But, uh ah, I'm going to give it up for adoption and I already found the perfect couple, they're going to pay for the medical expenses and everything. And in... what, ah... thirty-odd weeks we can just pretend that this never happened.
Mac: You're pregnant?
Juno: I'm sorry. I'm sorry... And if it is any consolation I have heartburn that is radiating in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since Wednesday... morning!
Bren: I didn't even know that you were sexually active.
Juno: I, uh...
Mac: Who is the kid?
Juno: The-the baby? I don't really know much about it other than, I mean, it has fingernails, allegedly.
Bren: Nails, really?
Juno: Yeah!
Mac: No, I know I mean who's the father, Juno?
Juno: Umm... It's Paulie Bleeker.
Mac: [snorts incredulously] Paulie Bleeker?
Juno: What?
Mac: I didn't think he had it in him!
Leah: I know, right?