Juno

Juno quotes

89 total quotes (ID: 307)

Bren MacGuff
Juno MacGuff
Mac MacGuff
Multiple Characters


Leah: Yo yo yiggidy yo.
Juno: I'm a suicide risk.
Leah: Juno?
Juno: No, it's Morgan Freeman, do you have any bones that need collecting?
Leah: Only the one in my pants, haha.


Mac: And this, of course, is Juno.
Mark: Like the city in Alaska.
Juno: No.
Mark: No? [pause] Shall we sit down and get to know one another?
Vanessa: Oh, I thought I would get some drinks. What would anyone like? I have Pellegrino, or Vitamin Water or Orange Juice or...
Juno: I'll have a Maker's Mark. Up.
Mac: She's kidding. Junebug has a wonderful sense of humor. Just one of her many genetic gifts.

Mac: Did you see that coming?
Bren: Yeah... but I was hoping she was expelled, or into hard drugs.
Mac: Yeah, that was my first instinct too...

Mac: So, Juno, how was your little maneuver last night?
Juno: Which maneuver, sir? The one where I moved an entire living room set from one lawn to another, or the one where I drank a 64-ounce blue Slushee in ten minutes?
Bren: Juno, did you by any chance barf in my urn? Mac, you know that nice urn by the front door that I got up in Stillwater? I found some blue shit... [looks at Liberty Bell] Gunk. Stuff. In my urn.
Juno: I would never barf in your urn, Bren. Maybe LB did it.

Mac: What's that thing?
Vanessa: It's a pilates machine.
Mac: What do you make with it?
Vanessa: Oh...you don't make anything with it, it's for exercise.

Mark: Vanessa gave me my own room for all my stuff.
Juno: She gave you your own room in...in your whole house? For your...for your stuff? Wow, she's got you on a long leash, Mark.

Paulie: I still have your underwear.
Juno: I still have your virginity.
Paulie: [exasperated] Would you shut up?

Paulie: I've wanted this for a really long time.
Juno: I know.
Paulie: Wizard...

Punk Receptionist: Free condom? They're boysenberry.
Juno: No, thanks. I'm off sex right now.
Punk Receptionist: My boyfriend wears them every time we have intercourse, it makes his junk smell like pie.

Rollo: Well fertile Myrtle, what's the prognosis? Minus or plus?
Juno: [taking a pregnancy test] I don't know. It's not seasoned yet. [grabs some candy] I'll take some of these. Nope... There it is. The little pink plus sign is so unholy.
Rollo: [as Juno shakes the test like a thermometer] That ain't no Etch-a-Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet.

Su-Chin: I'm having a little trouble concentrating.
Juno: Oh, well, I could sell you some of my Aderall, if you want.
Su-Chin: No thanks, I'm off pills.
Juno: That's a wise choice because I knew this girl who, like, had this crazy freak out because she took too many behavioral meds at once and she like ripped off her clothes, and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and was like, "Blagh! I am a Kraken from the sea!"
Su-Chin: I heard that was you.
Juno: [after an awkward pause] So, it was good seeing you, Su-Chin.

Vanessa: How do I look?
Bren: Like a new mom. Scared shitless.

Vanessa: What's wrong? Why are you crying?
Juno: I'm not crying. I'm just allergic to fine home furnishing.

Vanessa: You think you're really going to do this?
Juno: Yeah, I like you guys. If I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I'm guessing it looks probably like a sea monkey right now and we should let it get a little cuter.

Vanessa: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno: Nah, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?