Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back quotes

View Quote [Justice and Sissy are engaged in a fist-fight]
Sissy: Your shit is really getting tired, Justice.
Justice: Call me 'Boo-Boo-Kitty-****', bitch.

View Quote Willenholly: Put the monkey down, and your hands up. Let's go, misters. Do you want to get shot? I didn't think so.
Jay: Look, man. She doesn't want to go back to the lab. And for the record, I ain't gay.
Willenholly: And for the record, while we're one the subject, I knew that wasn't a real little boy.
Jay: And for one more record, he loves the ****.

View Quote Missy: Oh my god, he just called Sissy 'Juggs'.
Chrissy: I'm on it.
[pulls out knife]
Jay: What's with the knife, we havin' cake or something?
Chrissy: Great, he's ****ed to boot.
Jay: [to Silent Bob] Dude, she called you ****ed.

View Quote [several security guards, led by Gordon, have suddenly rushed onto the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season]
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but we've got a 10-07 on our hands.
Matt Damon: [exasperated] Oh Jesus, again Ben?
Ben Affleck: [****y] No, bullshit, because I wasn't WITH a hooker today, ha-HA!
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: There they are!
Jay: Affleck, you the bomb in "Phantoms", yo!

View Quote [regarding the Bluntman and Chronic movie]
Randal Graves: That was definitely worse than "Clash of the Titans."
Dante Hicks: I can't believe Judi Dench played me.
Randal Graves: Remind me to renew that restraining order.
Dante Hicks: Why?
Randal Graves: Because I'm going to blast that flick on the internet tonight.

View Quote Customer at Quick Stop: Are you even supposed to be here today?
Dante Hicks: Don't get me started.

View Quote Chaka's Production Assistant: You the man.
Chaka Luther King: No, you the man, and that's the problem.

View Quote Justice: Wait for me.
Jay: What, here?

View Quote Devil Jay: [appears out of nowhere] Mua-ha-ha-ha! Man, what the **** are you waiting for? She went for the set up. Reach in your pants and pull your **** out, bitch! Girls like that kinda shit.
Devil Jay 2: [appears out of nowhere] Mua-ha-ha-ha! Right about here is where the angel's supposed to show up and tell you NOT to pull your dick out, but we bitch-slapped that mother****er and send him packing, so it's smooth sailing. Let it rip boy...
[Both devils disappear]
Angel Jay: [with a black eye, appears out of nowhere and singing] Jesus loves the little children...
[Stops singing]
Angel Jay: Oh sorry I'm late. So what's the deal here?
[looks down at Jay's erection]
Angel Jay: Oh shit! Don't tell me your thinking of whipping your dick at that fine piece of woman, are you?
[Jay nods. Angel slaps Jay with his harp]
Angel Jay: Tell you what... Look over at Silent Bob and see if he thinks that a good idea to whip your dick out.
[Jay looks at Silent Bob with a questioning look. Silent Bob shakes his head]
Angel Jay: That's it boy, put the dick down. You gotta go from the heart, yo. No little perv-bullshit's gonna work for this one. Be smooth. Be Don Juan de la Nooch. Now I gotta beat the shit out of those punch-sucker little bitches. Remember: Don't pull your dick out 'till she ask, or until she's sleeping. BOOOONG...
[disappears]

View Quote Jay: Hey, wait a second! Aren't you the guy who ****ed the pie!
Jason Biggs: You see! It's never "Hey! You're that guy from Loser" or "Hey you rocked in Boys and Girls." No, it always comes back to that ****ing pie! I'm HAUNTED by it!
James Van Der Beek: You put your dick in a pie!

View Quote Chaka: This movie is gonna make House Party look like House Party 2.
Chaka's Production Assistant: Or House Party 3!
Chaka: Shut the **** up.

View Quote Teen #1: Jay says you guys had a Star Wars themed wedding, and you tied the knot dressed as Storm Troopers.
Teen #2: Yeah, and he says you're the bitch and you're the butch.
Dante Hicks: I'm the BITCH?
Randal Graves: Well, if we were gay, that's certainly the way I'd see it.
Dante Hicks: Will you shut up!
Teen #1: [to Teen #2] Holy shit, dude. The honeymoon's over.

View Quote Jay: [singing] ****, ****, ****,
Mother, mother ****,
Mother, mother ****, ****
Mother ****, mother ****,
Noich noich noich,
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4,
Noich, noich noich
Smokin' weed, smokin' wizz,
Doin' coke, drinkin' beers,
Drinkin' beers, beers, beers,
Rollin' fattys, smokin' blunts,
Who smokes the blunts?
We smoke the blunts.
Rollin' blunts and smokin'...
Teen #2: Uh, let me get a nickel bag.
Jay: [singing] Fifteen bucks, little man,
Put that shit in my hand,
If that money doesn't show,
Then you owe me, owe me, owe,
My jungle love, yeah,
Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe,
I think I want to know ya, know ya,
Yeah, what?
Teen #1: What the hell are you singing?
Jay: You don't know "Jungle Love?" That shit is the mad notes. Written by God herself and sent down to the greatest band in the world: The mother-****ing Time.
Teen #2: You mean the guys in that Prince movie?
[Silent Bob points to the two teens]
Teen #1: Yeah, Purple Rain.
Teen #2: Man, that shit was so gay - ****ing eighties style.

View Quote Jay: Miramax? I thought they only did classy pictures, like "The Piano" and "The Crying Game".
Brodie: Yeah, but then they made "She's All That" and it went downhill from there.

View Quote [fighting about Jason Biggs blatant homophobia]
Jason Biggs: No. I, I love gay people.
James Van Der Beek: Yeah, I'll bet you do.
Jason Biggs: No, I'm fine with gay...
[Jason Biggs notices the Chimpanzee]
Jason Biggs: Oh, look at the monkey.
James Van Der Beek: Now you're gonna tell me the monkey's gay.
Jason Biggs: Well, how do you know he doesn't smoke monkey pole?