Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back quotes

View Quote The hell with this. Let's go back to the station house, and cornhole us a drunk.

View Quote Are we gonna have a problem... again?

View Quote I'm not even supposed to be here today!

View Quote See? I told you that restraining order was a good idea.

View Quote See? If you were funnier than that, ABC wouldn't have cancelled us.

View Quote [staring up at the Bluntman and Chronic marquee] That's beautiful, man.

View Quote [Chrissy breaks wind loudly in the diamond vault, causing the alarms to go off] Holy ****! The little stoner was right!

View Quote Banky: Stop the movie? What are you, crazy?
Jay: All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid ****ing movie.
Banky: That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously. Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that.
Jay: This isn't fair. We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. ****in', we got shot at, we stole a monkey, and I got punched in the mother****ing nuts by a guy named ****-Knocker.
Banky: You know what? I feel for you boys, I really do, but Miramax - you know, Miramax Films - paid me a shitload of money for Bluntman and Chronic. So it occurs to me that people badmouthing you on some website, is NONE OF MY ****ING CONCERN!
Silent Bob: Oh, but I think it is... We had a deal with you, on the comics remember, for likeness rights, and as we're not only the artistic basis, but also obviously the character basis, for your intellectual property, Bluntman and Chronic. When said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. As you failed to do that, Banky, you are in breach of the original contract, ergo you find yourself in a very actionable position.
Jay: Yeah.

View Quote Tricia Jones: [on "Bluntman and Chronic: The Movie"] Well! That was just another paean to male adolescence and its refusal to grow up.
Alyssa Jones: Yeah, sis. But it was better than "Mallrats". At least Holden had the good sense to leave his name off of it.
Tricia Jones: Why didn't Miramax option his other comic instead. You know, the one about you and him and your "relationship"?
Alyssa Jones: Oh, "Chasing Amy"? That would never work as a movie.

View Quote Chaka's Production Assistant: [after asked to get a new clean latte] Here's your coffee sir, booger-free.
Chaka Luther King: [slaps it out his hands] Get that shit the **** out of here.

View Quote Ben Affleck: [ready to act but haven't heard "Action"] So? Action, Gus or what?
Gus Van Sant: Christ, Ben, I said I'm busy.

View Quote Jay: [the monkey has been put into a car] Man, who the **** steals monkeys?
Silent Bob: [Points to Jay and himself]
Jay: Oh yeah...

View Quote Jay: [after trying to figure out what Silent Bob is trying to tell him] Well, come on! SAY IT already!
Silent Bob: THE SIGN! ON THE BACK OF THE CAR! IT SAID "CRITTERS OF HOLLYWOOD"! YOU DUMB ****!

View Quote Brodie: Oh my God. Don't tell me you have no idea there's a movie being made of the comic you two were the basis for.
Jay: What? Since when?
Brodie: See, here's the pulse. And this is your finger, far away from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass. Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?

View Quote Justice: Hi, I'm Justice.
Jay: And I'm so ****ing yours.
[Justice is almost repulsed when Jay makes a quick save]
Jay: Oh, Hi, I'm Jay and this is my hetero-life-mate, Silent Bob.
Justice: It's nice to meet you.
Jay: Justice, that's a nice name...
[aside]
Jay: Jay and Justice sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G...