Harold  & Kumar Go to White Castle

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle quotes

72 total quotes (ID: 849)

Freakshow
Harold Lee
Kumar Patel
Mean Tollbooth Guy
Others


Harold: So what are you in here for?
Jackson: For being black.
Harold: Seriously?
Jackspn: I am serious. You wanna know what happened? I was walking out of a Barnes & Noble, and a cop stops me. Evidently a black guy robbed a store in Newark. I told him, "I haven't even been to Newark in months." So he starts beating me with his gun, telling me to stop resisting arrest.
Harold: Holy shit, what'd you do?
Jackson: I kept saying, "I understand I'm under arrest. Now please stop beating me."
Harold: I don't understand how you can be so calm about all this.
Jackson: Look at me. I'm fat, black, can't dance, and I have two gay fathers. People have been messing with me my whole life. I learned a long time ago there's no sense getting all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should. Plus I have a really large penis. That keeps me happy.


Burger Shack Employee: Ding-dong! May I interject for a second? As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one, just makes me want to burn this mother****er down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this mother****er down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this mother****er down! [starts destroying stuff] Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! [calms down] So you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle.
Kumar: You can always get your work done in the car.
Harold: Let's do it.
Kumar: All right. Awesome. Then listen, listen--no matter what, we are not ending this night without White Castle in our stomachs. Agreed?
Harold: Agreed.
[shakes Kumar's hand then gives him pound]
Burger Shack Employee: Wise choice. You guys might have wanted to stay away from our special sauce tonight. Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient. I'll give you a hint. It's semen.
[bursts out laughing]
Harold: [Smirks] Semen.
Burger Shack Employee: Animal semen.
[Harold and Kumar scream and drive off as fast as possible]

Dr. Willoughby: Do you actually believe that after the way you've just behaved that I would even consider recommending you for admission?
Kumar: No. I'm gonna be honest with you. The only reason I'm applying is so my dad will keep paying for my apartment. I really don't have a desire to go to med school.
Dr. Willoughby: But you have perfect MCAT scores!
Kumar: Yeah, just cause you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn.

Kumar: [whispering] Dude, look at that boil on his neck, it's pulsating!
Harold: [whispering] Shut up, dude. He probably heard what you just said.
Kumar: [whispering] No, he can't. Look at it now! Pus is coming out!
Harold: [looks at Freakshow's neck] Ugh!
Kumar: [whispering] Isn't that the sickest thing you've ever seen?
Harold: [whispering] Just shut up! He's right next to me. He can hear me talking to you He probably heard this whole conversation!
Kumar: [whispering] No, he didn't. He can't hear anything with all that crust in his ear.
[Long awkward pause]
Freakshow: [low voice]] I heard everything you said.
[Later, at Freakshow's house]
Freakshow: It's gonna take me awhile to fix your car...so if you want, you can go inside, get something to drink, wash up, **** my wife.

Harold: Neil, you wouldn't happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?
Neil Patrick Harris: Dude, I don't even know where the **** I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible "X"--next thing I know I'm being thrown out of a moving car. I've been trippin' balls ever since.
Kumar: That's crazy, dude. We've been having a pretty crazy, night, too. We've just been driving around looking for White Castle but we keep getting sidetracked.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget White Castle, let's go get some pussy!
Harold: Huh?
Neil Patrick Harris: It's a ****ing sausage fest in here, bros. Let's get some poon-tang. Then we'll go to White Castle.
Kumar: No, Neil, you don't understand. We've been craving these burgers all night.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too--fur burgers. Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers. [sings] Lap-dance.
Kumar: [pause] There's a gas station. I'm gonna see if I can get some directions.
Neil Patrick Harris: You don't need dir--gah. Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I'm losing wood.
[they park, pause]
Neil Patrick Harris: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.
Kumar: Look, chill.
Harold: We'll be right back, Neil.
[they exit the car]
Harold: Dude, what is the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?

Harold: Back off **** boy, what I said him goes double for you.
J.D.: **** boy? You just call me **** boy?
Harold: Yeah, you know I did. You're just stalling 'cause you're not quick enough to think of a comeback.
J.D.: You think I'm not quick enough. Guy thinks I'm not quick enough. Well I got news for you. I am quick enough! **** boy! (raises index finger in sad attempt to flip Harold off)

Officer Palumbo: "Koomar"; what is that, like five O's and two U's?

Goldstein: Sorry, kids. We ain't goin' nowhere. We're watching "The Gift". Supposedly Katie Holmes shows her titties in this movie.
Harold: Is that all you Jews ever think about? Tits?
Rosenberg: Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl, and I'm gonna see her boobs.
Goldstein: The things I would eat out of her ass--you have no idea!
Rosenberg: Argh! That is a completely vulgar statement.
Goldstein: So is, "I wanna bang Britney Spears on the bathroom floor," but it's true.
Rosenberg: Touch?.

Don't You Wanna Be Cool Kid: Come on, dude. Just take one hit. Don't you wanna be cool?
I'm So High Kid: [takes drag of joint, makes a womanly cough sound]
Don't You Wanna Be Cool Kid: Hey, man, what are you doin'?
I'm So High Kid: I'm so high!
[laughs]
I'm So High Kid: Nothing can hurt me.
[puts pump-action rifle in mouth and pulls trigger]
Don't You Wanna Be Cool Kid: No-o-o!
Announcer: Marijuana kills.
Harold and Kumar crack up laughing
Kumar: I love that shit!

Extreme Sports Punk #1: Dude, on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being not so extreme and 10 being extremely extreme, I give this a 9.5!

Clarissa: Damn! You sank my battle-shit!

Extreme Sports Punk #2: Wo-o-o! Extreme Cheddar!

Dr. Patel: I will not tolerate this business from you any longer. You have one more interview tomorrow morning, and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you are anything short of spectacular, I'll completely cut you off.
Kumar: Dad, come on.
Dr. Patel: Daddy is not coming on anything!

Female Anchor: Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, have just arrested a gang of hooligans who are suspected of terrorizing numerous strip malls and convenience stores. Officer Thurmond Brucks found their abandoned car, which contained a large bag of marijuana. And in other news, the Muckleburg police department are still looking for a fugitive who escaped from the police station last night with a companion believed to be his accomplice. Police have released sketches of the two fugitives which they believe to be extremely accurate (Image shows racial characterizations of an asian and an indian).

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!