Harold  & Kumar Go to White Castle

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle quotes

72 total quotes (ID: 849)

Freakshow
Harold Lee
Kumar Patel
Mean Tollbooth Guy
Others


Harold: So what are you in here for?
Jackson: For being black.
Harold: Seriously?
Jackspn: I am serious. You wanna know what happened? I was walking out of a Barnes & Noble, and a cop stops me. Evidently a black guy robbed a store in Newark. I told him, "I haven't even been to Newark in months." So he starts beating me with his gun, telling me to stop resisting arrest.
Harold: Holy shit, what'd you do?
Jackson: I kept saying, "I understand I'm under arrest. Now please stop beating me."
Harold: I don't understand how you can be so calm about all this.
Jackson: Look at me. I'm fat, black, can't dance, and I have two gay fathers. People have been messing with me my whole life. I learned a long time ago there's no sense getting all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should. Plus I have a really large penis. That keeps me happy.


Hey, asshole, why don't you leave that guy alone and go jerk off to some snowboarding videos or something?

Male Nurse: [wiping Kumar's lips with a little too much admiration] Soft, chocolate lips.

Burger Shack Employee: Ding-dong! May I interject for a second? As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one, just makes me want to burn this mother****er down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this mother****er down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this mother****er down! [starts destroying stuff] Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! [calms down] So you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle.
Kumar: You can always get your work done in the car.
Harold: Let's do it.
Kumar: All right. Awesome. Then listen, listen--no matter what, we are not ending this night without White Castle in our stomachs. Agreed?
Harold: Agreed.
[shakes Kumar's hand then gives him pound]
Burger Shack Employee: Wise choice. You guys might have wanted to stay away from our special sauce tonight. Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient. I'll give you a hint. It's semen.
[bursts out laughing]
Harold: [Smirks] Semen.
Burger Shack Employee: Animal semen.
[Harold and Kumar scream and drive off as fast as possible]

Congratu-****in'-lations!

Thank you, come again.

Dude, am I going deaf or did he just say we could **** his wife?

Roldy! Roldy! Dude, you gotta come quick. There's these two filthy pussies just aching to get boned by us! [total silence] I mean--duh--that there are these two lovely young pussies who would like to have a chat with you and I.

[in dream, spits at a bag of marijuana] Bitch! Learn how to ****in' make coffee, you ****ing whore!

Shotgun anus!

[after falling on the ground, holding his head] Ow-w-w! My ass!

So she's kinda ****ing cute. Let her touch your penis.

Just because you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn.

Hello-o-o-o, New Brunswick!

She touch your penis?