You're Alfred, right?
That's right, sir.
You've known Rachel her whole life?
Well, not yet, sir.
Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?
Oh, you have no idea.
Most scenes together: Bruce Wayne/Batman & Rachel Dawes (20), The Joker & Rachel Dawes (14), Harvey Dent/ Two-Face & Rachel Dawes (14)
You're Alfred, right?
That's right, sir.
You've known Rachel her whole life?
Well, not yet, sir.
Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?
Oh, you have no idea.
Will you be wanting the Batpod, sir?
In the middle of the day, Alfred? Not very subtle.
The Lamborghini, then. [with deadpan sarcasm] Much more subtle.
Don't let me find you out here again.
We're trying to help you.
I don't need help!
Not my diagnosis.
What gives you the right? What's the difference between you and me?!
I'm not wearing hockey pads.
From one professional to another, if you're gonna scare someone, you should learn to pick a better spot. You know, from this height, the fall won't kill me.
I'm counting on it. [he lets go of Maroni; the mobster lands right on his feet, breaking both legs]
Where is he?!
He must have friends!
Friends? Have you met this guy? We're wise to your act; you have rules. But the Joker, he has no rules. No one is going to give him up for you. There's only one way to stop him and you know it. Just take off that mask of yours. Or are you gonna let some more people die while you make up your mind?
Killing me won't get their money back. I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight, but this is different–they crossed the line.
You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed and hammered them to the point of desperation. And in their desperation they turned to a man they didn't fully understand.
Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. We just need to figure out what he's after.
With all due respect, Master Wayne, perhaps this is a man that you don't fully understand. When I was in Burma, a long time ago, my friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we started looking for the stones. But after six months, we couldn't find anyone who had traded with him. One day I found a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing the stones away.
Then why steal them?
Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
I need a new suit.
I'm not talking fashion, so much as function. [Fox inspects the new designs.]
Lucius You want to be able to turn your head.
People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?
Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman. He can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make–the right choice.
Well, today I found out what Batman can't do. He can't endure this. Today, you get to say, "I told you so."
Today I...I don't want to. [they walk to the elevator] But I did bloody tell you. [Bruce laughs] I suppose they'll wanna lock me up, too, as your accomplice. [they get on the lift, which takes them up]
Accomplice? I'm gonna tell them the whole thing was your idea.
That bandit in Burma, did you ever catch him?
Oh, yes.
How?
We burned the forest down.
That's a lot of money. If this Joker guy was so smart, he would've had us bring a bigger car. [points his gun at the Joker, who is still in disguise] I'm betting the Joker told you to kill me soon as we loaded the cash.
Bus driver? [moves gun to the right] What bus driver?
School's out, time to go. [begins helping the masked Joker load the cash] Cat's not getting up, is he?
That's a lot of money. [small pause] What happened to the rest of the guys?
[The masked Joker turns his back to the bus driver and walks forward, casually gunning him down behind him]
Goddammit, will you stop pointing that gun at my family?!
Yo, Gambol. Somebody's here for you. They say they've just killed the Joker. They brought the body.
So, he's dead? That's five-hundred gra...
How about alive, hm?
Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was...a drinker, and a fiend. And one night he comes home crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself; he doesn't like that. Not...one...bit. So, me watching–he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and says..."Why so serious?" So, he comes at me with the knife, "Why so serious?!" He sticks the blade in my mouth, "Let's put a smile on that face!" And...[turns to look at one of Gambol's henchman who looks terrified, and then says]...why so serious?
Now, our operation is small, but [grabs a pool stick] there's a lot of potential for aggressive expansion. So, which of our fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh! There's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have tryouts. [breaks the stick in two, throws the pointy end on the floor in between three of Gambol's henchmen] Hm...make it fast.
Harvey, I'm sorry about Rachel. The doctors told me that you're in agonizing pain, but that you're refusing medication...that you refused to accept skin grafts.
Remember that nickname that you gave me when I worked in Internal Affairs...what was that?
Harvey...
Say it. [pause] Say it!
Why should I hide who I am? [reveals the burnt side of his face to an uncomfortable and guilty looking Gordon]
I know you tried to warn me before. Wuertz picked you up. Do you know who picked up Rachel?
Why would you listen to me now?
I'm sorry, Harvey.
No...no you're not. Not yet.
What do you mean?
You'd leave something like this up to chance.
I don't rely on chance. I make my own luck.
If no one else is going to, I guess I will. Give that to me, and I'll do what you should have done ten minutes ago.
[The officer reluctantly hands over the detonator, and after a brief moment, the inmate throws the detonator out the window into the ocean and sits back down without saying a word]
We made it! [pushing Wuertz from the elevator and firing his shotgun up in the air which results in dead silence] Good evening, ladies and gentle men...we are tonight's entertainment! [grabs a piece of shrimp and eats it, then talks with his mouth full] I only have one question: Where is Harvey Dent? [no one answers; he walks over to a woman, takes her glass and tosses out her champagne, then mimes drinking anyway and stalks towards the other guests] Do you know where Harvey is? Do you know who he is? [grabs a man by the face] Do you know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something; just something little, huh? [turning his head side to side from the top and receives no answer and continues on] No. [to another man as he eats food from the man's plate] You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.
We aren't intimidated by thugs.
You know, [bangs on the table next to them three times] you remind me of my father. [pulls a knife out and puts it to the man's mouth] I hated my father.
Okay, stop!
Well, hello beautiful. [sloppily slicks his hair back] You must be Harvey's squeeze. [begins to circle her] And you are beautiful. [stops circling and pretends to be concerned] Oh, you look nervous. [holds the knife up] Is it the scars? You wanna know how I got 'em? [grabs her chin as she continuously tries to look away] Come 'ere, look at me. See, I had a wife, and she was beautiful...like you, who tells me that I worried too much, who tells me that I ought to smile more, who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks. Hey. [she squirms, and he forces her to keep looking at him] One day they carve her face. And we got no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again. Hm? I just wanted to let her know that I don't care about the scars. So...I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...to myself. [Directs attention towards the scars on his face] And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves! But now, I see the funny side. Now, I'm always smiling!
A little fight in you. I like that.