N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

The Joker quotes

[After being told he's crazy] I'm not. No, I'm not.

Look at me...look at me!

And here we...go.

The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. And tonight, you're gonna break your one rule.

[Regarding him as a planner] I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know...I just do things.

You know the thing about chaos? It's fair.

Good evening, ladies and gentle men...we are tonight's entertainment! [grabs a piece of shrimp and eats it, then talks with his mouth full] I only have one question: Where is Harvey Dent? [no one answers; he walks over to a woman, takes her glass and tosses out her champagne, then mimes drinking anyway and stalks towards the other guests] Do you know where Harvey is? Do you know who he is? [grabs a man by the face] Do you know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something; just something little, huh? [turning his head side to side from the top and receives no answer and continues on] No. [to another man as he eats food from the man's plate] You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.

[To a man that speaks out against him] You know, you remind me of my father. I hated my father.

[To Rachel] Well, hello beautiful. [sloppily slicks his hair back] You must be Harvey's squeeze. [begins to circle her] And you are beautiful. [stops circling and pretends to be concerned] Oh, you look nervous. [holds the knife up] Is it the scars? You wanna know how I got 'em? [grabs her chin as she continuously tries to look away] Come 'ere, look at me. So I had a wife, she was you, who tells me I worry too much, who tells me I oughta smile more, who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks...[she squirms, and he pulls her back] Hey. One day they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again. Hm? I just wanted to let her know that I don't care about the scars. So I stick a razor in my mouth and do myself. [Directs attention towards the scars on his face] And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves! Now, I see the funny side. Now, I'm always smiling!

[Pulls out a Joker playing card] Here' card.

I believe...whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you...stranger.

You see, I'm a guy of simple taste. I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline! And do you know what they all have in common? They're cheap. [lights his half of the mob's money on fire]

How 'bout a magic trick? [slams a pencil into the table standing upright] I'm gonna make this pencil disappear. [Gambol's henchman tries to attack him; in one swift motion he slams the man's head into the pencil, forcing the entire pencil through his eye socket; the man falls over dead] Taa-daa! It's...ah, it's gone.

It's all part of the plan.

Let's put a smile on that face!

I like this job. I like it.

[Seeing Batman on the Batpod] Now there's a Batman. [Batman speeds toward him] Ooh, you wanna play? Come on. Come on.

[after Batman flips the truck and speeds towards the Joker who walks towards him shooting cars in the way] Come on. I want you to do it. I want you to do it. Hit me. Hit me! I want you to hit me! Come on. Do it! Hit me!

[Speaking out in a video he sent to Gotham News] See, this is how crazy Batman has made Gotham. You want order in Gotham? Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day that he doesn't, people will die. Starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.

Now, our operation is small, but [grabs a pool stick] there's a lot of potential for aggressive expansion. So, which of our fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh! There's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have tryouts. [breaks the stick in two, throws the pointy end on the floor in between three of Gambol's henchmen] Hm...make it fast.

This city deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to them.

[To a policeman] Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all of the...little...emotions. You see, in their...last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way...I knew your friends better than you ever did. [pause] Would you like to know which of them were cowards?

When the chips are down, these, uh...civilized people, they'll eat each other.

Let's wind the clock back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean...what happened? Did your–did your balls drop off? Hm?

[To the mobsters whose money he stole] Oh, and by the way, the suit? It wasn't cheap. You oughta know, you bought it.

[Holding a knife to Gambol's cheek] Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was...a drinker, and a fiend. One night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself; he doesn't like that. So, me watching–he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and says..."Why so serious?" He comes at me with the knife, "Why so serious?!" He sticks the blade in my mouth, "Let's put a smile on that face!" And...[turns to look at one of Gambol's henchman who looks terrified, and then says]...why so serious?

[After his truck has crashed] Harvey, Harvey, Harvey Dent. [pushes the unconscious (or dead) driver out of the way] Excuse me, I wanna drive. [takes the wheel]

[Is about to unmask the unconscious Batman but suddenly gets a gun pointed at his head] Arrrgh! Could you please just give me a minute?

There's no going back. You've changed things...forever.

[Tugging on a string connected to grenades] Let's not blow this out of proportion.

This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

The mob has plans. The cops have plans. Gordon's got plans. They're schemers.

Freak? Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches, hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is! It's not about money, it's about sending a message. Everything burns!

I just want my phone call.

I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.

[Hanging upside down over the edge of a building] Madness, as you know, is like gravity...all it takes is a little push!

If you're good at something, never do it for free.

[After Batman asks Joker why he wants to kill him] I don't want to kill you. What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers?, no. No, you...complete me.

Introduce a little anarchy...upset the established order...and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos.

[To Batman while hanging upside down from a building] You won't kill me because of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you're just too much fun! I think you and I are destined to do this forever.

[To Batman hanging upside down from a building] Did you really think that I would risk the battle for Gotham's soul in a fist fight with you?! When dealing with this city, you need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.

You know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan"...even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I told the press that, like, a gang-banger will get shot, or a truck load of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die...[voice rises hysterically] well, then everyone loses their minds!

[Interrupting a news cast in which Coleman Reese is trying to announce Batman's identity] I had a vision of a world without Batman. The mob ground out their little profit, and the police tried to shut them down one block at a time. And it was so...boring. I've had a change of heart. I don't want Mr. Reese spoiling everything, but why should I have all the fun? Let's give someone else a chance. If Coleman Reese isn't dead in sixty minutes, then I blow up a hospital. [hangs up the phone]

[After Batman has slammed his head into a table] Never start with the head. The victim gets all fuzzy. He can't feel the next–[Batman pounds the Joker's hand and he comically waits to register the pain] See?

  »   More Quotes from
  »   Back to the